You're the Charlie Browniest

Music Monday

2012-02-13T00:40:00.000-08:00

because this was pretty much my heart's song in 2001. I had a simple 14-year-old heart.

Somehow there's a lot of sports in this post. Also, a Ten on Tuesday!

2012-02-07T02:00:00.000-08:00

Last monday, despite my very public dislike of basketball, I found myself at a Clippers game.

Truthfully, it wasn't terrible. I mean, I like sports and going to any sporting event is always fun. My brother's been a Clippers fan for over a decade (before all this "Chris Paul turned around the team" bullshit), and it was awesome to see him so excited about the team and seeing everyone. We were fairly high up (top section), but in the front row so it was actually pretty good. It figures that the one game I'd be at is the one with Blake Griffin's "Dunk of the Year" on Kendrick Perkins. But hooray for the Clippers beating the Thunder! I had no idea OKC is first in the league, because they were not playing like it.

That monday also kicked off my week-long break from work. I don't know why every job doesn't allow a week off after a few weeks; I felt so much better and refreshed heading into work this morning! I didn't do too much during my off time; mostly read, a lot of sleep, some seeing friends but not too much. It figures that the new layout code I was about to launch would not be compatible with the threaded commenting feature Blogger is now offering, so I've also been working like a madwoman reworking all of it for this blog and my book blog - I think I'm giving up and just going to customise the shit out of a Template layout. I want those threaded comments, man!

Anyway. I'm back at work this week but will probably take advantage of my working-at-home status towards the end since I'd quite like to not waste gas going all the way into the Pacific Beach office.

Onto the Tuesday questions!

PS. OH WAIT, one last thing! Though I cannot stand either the Patriots or Eli Manning, I have to admit the Super Bowl was a moderately entertaining game. Boo for no more football :(

Hosted by Chelsea!

1. How do you feel about Groundhog’s Day?
Do people normally have feelings about Groundhog's Day? I had no idea. It's just another day, although I do notice an increase in groundhog-related tweets that day. I suppose that makes sense.

2. What color are your fingernails right now? (Bonus points if you include a picture.)
A shimmery brown! Zoya's Cheryl.

Sun glare FTL.

3. Do you like riddles?
I do! I'm terrible at solving most of them though. I really like word puzzles, but if it's riddles that just make me go in circles, I give up pretty easily.

4. When you were 10, how old did you think “old” was? At your current age, how old do you think “old” is?
When I was 10, I thought 20 was old. A fact that disturbs me now, but I was 10! Now at 24 (2 months shy of my 25th birthday!) I tend to think 60s is old.

5. Do you wish on stars?
I do. Not often, but if I'm feeling particularly astronomical or my-fate-is-in-your-hands-y, I'll do it.

6. Do you recycle?
I try to! We do at home (cans v. plastic v. paper v. waste), but we don't at the office - which makes me angry since my office uses SO SO SO much paper.

7. On a scale from 1-10, how good of a cook are you?
Hmmm...I'd probably put myself at the 6.5 - 7 scale. Definitely not bad, but nothing to write home about. I always want to try to improve, but it's time and energy and I've yet to really put it as a priority.

8. Do you color your hair? Professionally or at home?
Never. I donate my hair almost every time I get it cut, and you aren't allowed to donate dyed hair. Plus, mine is naturally black with brown and red streaks/chunks, which I actually like.

9. On a scale from 1-10, how do you rate your manners?
Ohhh dear. I would think I'm a 9 since I'll occasionally forget to say 'thank you' if something is done for me while I'm not giving it my attention, but I try to be a perfect 10! I say all my please and thank yous, and I always try to be pleasant and considerate. People like to give me shit when I say "pardon?" if I need something repeated.

Wait, cursing isn't considered bad manners, right? I mean, I don't do it at people. Because if it does count well...we'll just slide my butt down to the 7 on the scale.

10. Who are the last 5 people you have texted?
1. Brother
2. Alexis (co-worker; I brought them cupcakes and needed to know flavor requests!)
3. Kathy (best friend & co-worker; no explanation needed)
4. Amanda (brother's gf/my friend)
5. Enzo (co-worker)

Happy Friday! (and the blanks are back!)

2012-01-27T09:59:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday all! I've been absolutely exhausted this week. I worked from home at the beginning (kudos to those who do that all day, every day - it takes some SERIOUS discipline!) and then did full time in the office alongside some extra consulting, and it seriously felt like I was ready to pass out asleep by 9pm every night.

Any fun plans for the weekend? I hope everyone had wonderful weeks with better weekends! I am currently at the Toyota dealership getting my car tuned up (and I've blogged at my last three visits...funny!). I was absolutely dreading it since it's so much money to just kiss good-bye, but I found out it will be much cheaper than I thought! So hooray for that, and fingers crossed there are no other problems with my beloved Kharr.

Aside from that, I will probably be heading up to Orange County for lunch with a longtime best friend/former roommate - which of course means I'll be getting some shopping in! I've heard of a beauty supply place that has some serious discounts on nail polish, so a haul of that will probably happen. It's reaaaally not necessary, but I can't help myself! My brother and his friends are also having a Nerf war (yeah. that's real) on Sunday, so I'll probably pop by. The last one they had I got to judge/moderate on, which was pretty fun.

Onto the blanks!

Hosted by the lovely (and new mom!) Lauren :)

1. My favorite place i've ever traveled to is Alberobello, a small town in the city of Puglia (Bari province). It is possibly the most quaint, cute and steeped in culture town I've seen to date.

2. Australia is somewhere I'd love to go someday.

3. I pass the time on a plane (or bus, or car ride or train) by reading, listening to music, and (pending where I am), singing loudly to myself.

4. My three must-haves when I travel are music, at least one book (preferably 5!) and lotion (ridiculously dry skin on airplane!).

5. My favorite travel companion is my brother.

6. The craziest thing that ever happened to me while traveling is when I was going to San Francisco - a friend had given me her mom's frequent flier miles for a free ticket, but she'd also spelled my name wrong when transferring over the ticket. I definitely had an asterisk next to my name on the reprint, and everywhere I went I was completely and totally searched: bags, carry ons, and my own person. Thank God my dad works for the TSA so everything they were doing I know to be "standard," because it was pretty rattling. OHOH there was also this time I was on a flight from Italy to Atlanta and a girl got a bloody nose around Hour 3 (of 6). It literally did not stop for the rest of the flight, so of course everyone was properly freaking out for her. Flight attendants were rushing around for ice packs and continuing tissue and passengers were monitoring the girl to make sure she wasn't going to pass out or anything (that's a lot of blood to lose!). The scary thing is that I knew her, her family and mine happened to be on the same flight because we were all moving from Italy to the US. They were supposed to continue onto the Texas portion of the flight with us, but they had to get off in ATL for medical attention.

7. The most exotic food I've ever tried while traveling is umm...french fries with mayonnaise? I really don't try exotic foods, and that answer is cheating since I lived in Belgium and that was the norm for us. We didn't know it was considered weird until we moved to the US.

8. If I could live anywhere else, I'd live in Portland. It's absolutely wonderful and weird there. Or go back to Europe, of course, but I figured I'd keep my answer to the US else this would go on forever.

9. I have been to fourteen (14) states in the US. CA, OR, WA, FL, NV, NM, CO, AZ, UT, MD, VA, NY, TX, GA

Mondays are too difficult to really think. Have some photos of food, wine, work and Comic-con 2011. (It's never too late.)

2012-01-23T03:00:00.000-08:00

I've been sorting and organising my hard drive and ran across some photos that never got put up on the blog...not that I meant to ever put them up, but they seem worthy now, I suppose.

Because all I do is whine about work, I thought I'd show you the space I currently work in. That monitor in front? I set up that whole thing by myself (and broke a nail in the process), CPU and internet and hooking it up to the network included.

Friends and I went wine tasting. If you're in San Diego, I recommend going to The Wine Encounter in Hillcrest! Thursdays you can do a 5 pre-selected wine tasting for $8!

I also HIGHLY recommend R-Gang Eatery in Hillcrest. Does this sandwich not look DELICIOUS?! It was my own food and I'm jealous of my past self for having it! We went here for my mom's birthday lunch and oh heavens I am counting the days until I can go back. For the inquiring minds, it's their Turkey Sandy: roasted turkey, brie, tomato, spinach, sun dried tomato pesto, and basil aioli with rosemary garlic fries. My mouth watered just typing all that.

Current nails. How different do they look in flash and no flash?! Safe to say they're normally somewhere in the middle (also, the no-flash one is suuuuper blurry. Sorry!). Apologies for the tip wear, they're about 5 days old now. It's L'Oreal - Jet Set to Paris from their new line. (The glitter overlay is China Glaze - Fairy Dust!)

And I stumbled upon a few of my Comic-con 2011 pictures that I know I meant to put up but never did. Enjoy how old these are now!

FilmDistrict Signing, where people from Drive and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark were there. That's Ron Perlman, Carey Mulligan (girlcrush<3) and Nicolas Winding Refn (director) there. Hilarious to talk to. Ron was gruff and awesome, Carey was quiet and sweet and a bit tired, and Nicolas was druuuuuuunk. At the other end of the table was Guy Pearce who was scruffy and charming and held up the line chatting with me.

Zach Levi (from Chuck). This was the last day of Comic-con and we were at Nerd HQ with him.

Yeah I look horrible (I was sick and tired and it was raining and I'd just spent a good 80 hours at Comic-con stuff), but the story behind this is that right as it was my turn to go up and have my 20 second chat and photo with him (I was going to tell him how much my mom loves him!), some bitch girl screams from the street how much she loves him and he changed her life and gave her the strength to really follow her dreams. UH--EXCUSE ME GIRL, YOU'RE INTERRUPTING MY ZACH TIME. I'm totally giving her the stink eye here. (But he did have his arm around my back sothere'salwaysthat)

It is a Friday now. (This post is largely complaining about work, but also about Jeopardy. I think that redeems it.)

2012-01-19T23:18:00.000-08:00

Normally I would have a Fill-in-the-Blank Friday up, but the lovely hostess Lauren had her baby earlier this week and is otherwise preoccupied, of course! Head over to her blog to wish her and her beautiful family a congratulations!

First, a small housekeeping issue: does anyone know how to troubleshoot threaded comments? Apparently Blogger enabled replies to comments, but mine don't seem to be showing up! I've read all the articles and all my settings are correct (comments embedded and Site Feed is Full), but there's still nothing! A reply option would be a world of help here and over at my Book Blog, so any help is MUCH appreciated!

Anyone have grand plans for the weekend? As far as I can tell, it's to be a dreary next few days for everyone. San Diego is scheduled to get a spot of rain on Saturday so lots of plans will probably get canceled.

My big bad super exciting plans are...work. This project I'm doing for my job is turning into a massive headache, and I'm determined to just work my ass off and get it all done and out of the way. I'm telling you, glad my company is so damn successful and all, but not so glad when I have to click on the individual file names for 10,000+ accounts - TWICE.

This is probably the reason I've been going batty the past week or two. It's like Chinese Water Torture, except I'm inflicting it all myself.

Highlights of the week:

Broke a nail while setting up a computer at work. Thankfully it didn't break all the way down into the bed itself, but I now have one super short nail. I was upset not because of the broken nail, but because I'd JUST re-painted them the night before - if I'd waited one more day, I wouldn't have had to go through the hassle of taking off the polish to inspect damage, clipping, then repainting to match. Ridiculous.

But Toy Story-themed band-aids do help.
Am currently on track for my reading goal (100 books in a year). As of right now I sit at 7, although that's not including 2 re-read books. Still unsure if those will count towards the total or not.
Who's everyone rooting for this weekend? I'm fairly indifferent at the moment since the Broncos thankfully lost last week, but I will say that I'm rooting for the Patriots to LOSE. They don't need another ring, thankyouverymuch. I guess I'm hoping for the Niners to take it all the way, but...meh. If it's not my Chargers, I hardly care.
What's everyone reading these days? I've currently got Matched - Ally Condie, Close To Famous - Joan Bauer, and One Day - David Nicholls on deck. (Yes, I read multiple books at once. No, I do not get confused.)

I took the Jeopardy qualifying test last night, mostly for shits and giggles. I have no expectation of ever making it, but I thought it would be fun to see what it's like. I did a quick Twitter search an hour prior to the test and had a small panic attack to see people studying for it. SERIOUSLY?! I literally forgot I'd registered until I got the alert on my phone (thank you Past Ashley for having the forethought of setting an alarm!) 2 hours before.
I also did a Twitter search a few minutes after the test ended, and apparently the questions were hard. I didn't think they were that difficult! I'm not at all saying I got them all right (I left 3 blank, guessed on a good 15, know for a fact I input the incorrect answers on 10 questions, and only knew 5 for certain. Like I said, I have no illusions of my failure.) (That said, one of those I'm certain about was a question as to what the stage name of Stefani Germanotta was - YOU KNOW IT.) but none of the questions were impossible.
HOWEVER: after I saw this on Question 10, I kind of got snide. How am I supposed to take you seriously when you do this, Jeopardy test?! (Cropped since I have no idea what I am and am not allowed to share with the world. Who knew Jeopardy could be a legal nightmare?)

Might take in a movie this weekend, though friend wants to see Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and I'm not ready to bawl my eyes out.
My house finally took down our Christmas decorations. I know, it's almost fair to say we're 2/3rds of the way through the month - but we just had other things to do. And now that they're all down, the house feels sort of...empty.
I have a German Chocolate cupcake from Sprinkles in my kitchen calling my name. I do believe I will go answer.

Happy weekend, all!

Throwback Thursday

2012-01-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

Going to be a long day, but I woke up with this in my head. I don't know why, but I know I like it!

It is Wednesday. Have some music.

2012-01-17T23:14:00.000-08:00

I am exhausted.

Still temping/working at my old company, the work is tedious but doable. A little better since I get to focus on one project and not deal with the rest of the office matters. Plus, I was able to hire one of my best friends to be a temp with me for the project, which makes it much easier to have a friend there.

I was asked to stay longer and finish out the entire project as opposed to the part I'm doing. I haven't quite made a decision, but I was given allowance to work from home - in fact, the boss insisted I do so, that I was just wasting my gas, time, and sleep going so far into the office. How could I turn that down? I can work on my own time at my own speed with a deadline and keep up with blogging and reading and life.

Sigh.

That said, exhausted. It's been a long few days, even though I didn't do too much. Did everyone have a good, long weekend? I worked, I did some designing (the new layouts will probably be up later this month, hooray!), I sat at home and read. All in all, fantastic.

But I also got 3 hours of sleep last night, so...it was a rough day. And then my Starbucks barista messed up my order, and it just got all wacky from there.

This post is kind of nonsensical, and I'm going to finish painting my nails an obnoxiously bright blue (I don't know why) and hit the sack. Despite the work-at-home offer, I'm going into the office full time this week to keep my best friend company and make sure she settles in (the portion of the project she's taking on requires her to be in-office), so one more week of sleepiness and I'm free!

There's really no way to end this post. I am sleepy.

Let's finish with a song, shall we?

I haven't quite figured out how I feel about Lana Del Rey. She's too awkward to watch perform, and even though I don't think I like this song, I listen to it any time it's on the radio. In full. And think about it, and hum it, and I've started to sing along. So maybe I do like it? In any case, I've concluded Lana Del Rey is an artist that I can only listen to when I'm in the right mood: depressed. Sad. Tragic. Tortured. Kind of like how I feel about Damien Rice (Cannonball? Rips my heart out).

If I was in Miss America...

2012-01-15T12:48:00.000-08:00

First, I can't stand beauty pageants. I find them archaic and a big fat joke, really. There are better, more productive ways to earn a scholarship if that's what you're really after - let's face it, the entire thing is a ginormous fashion show with horrible models, brown nosing, and little fashion anyway. Sure, maybe the girls all really do great philanthropic activities and aspire to change the world - that's great! Go right ahead! But everything in the pageant is so fabricated and vapid that it completely negates any sort of validity it could offer.

And yet. Saturday night, I found the Miss American pageant on my TV. And though I was building a drawer to hold all my nail polish at the same time (yeah, it's gotten to the point my polish collection needs its own furniture. I don't want to talk about it), I was actually watching the pageant.

Hated it. Miss Wisconsin? REALLY?! I mean, she was fine, one of the lesser evils. But I totally thought it was going to be Miss Oklahoma.

Anyway. So even though I can't stand the pageant, I watched it anyway. And while cringing through that one girl's rendition of You Raise Me Up (Josh Groban, I really hope you weren't watching that), I started to wonder what I would do, say and wear if the universe ever inverted and I find myself in it.

Pageant Ashley

Entry outfit as Miss California

"From the land where gold was first discovered, our weather, Hollywood and beautiful resources keep the shine going.

I am your Miss California."

Swimsuit

Talent

I have no idea what I'd do since everything I do isn't quite show-y (reading, typing, reporting, etc.) so I'd flub it a bit and probably do spoken word or a reading of a poem. Best I can do.

(And this way I can wear a stunning dress!)

Evening Gown

Interview Question Outfit

(ok probably not quite as sheer, but you know.)

And if I could get away with it, I'd shove this in there somewhere, too.

Probably what I'd wear when I'm crowned Miss America!

(Hey, if the world is insane enough where I'm in a pageant, I might as well take it full circle and win it!)

Fill in the Blank Friday!

2012-01-12T23:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday, all! It's been an exhausting week back at work - I'm lucky that the work is really easy, but it's tedious, I never get enough sleep (I'm averaging 4 hours a night - averaging!), and I've discovered that I have not updated the music on my iPod in years. Which means it is mostly Josh Groban and Michael Buble; both I love, but their music often lulls me to sleep. Not a good combination when you're tired and bored!

Any fun weekend plans? I intend to chill out and read the entire weekend :) It's been weird back at my old office, and while physically exhausting, the week's also been an unexpected emotional toll, too. The only way I destress is getting lost in a literary world, and I have every intention to do so!

Though since it is a 3-day weekend, perhaps I'll venture out into the world and have dinner with friends or play tennis or something. Who knows!

Link up here and join the fun!

1. The last thing I ate was a caprese pizza with five different wines! A wonderful wine tasting night at The Wine Encounter with my girls .

2. The last song I listened to was Lana Del Rey's Video Games. But Gotye and Kimbra's Somebody That I Used To Know is playing right now!

3. Using the letters in my name I can spell {Ashley }...yes, ash, say, hay, hey, lea, lash. I've got to be missing more, right?!

4. If I had to dress in one color for the rest of my life I would pick black. Boring, I know - but you always look good in black! .

5. If you were to look in my bag right now you'd find my wallet, keys, iPod touch, earphones, A Million Suns book, a hand mirror, Strawberry Lip Balm, Rose Salve, Nivea lip balm (if not obvious, my lips have been super dry lately), cell phone, a Luna bar, lotion, hand cream (hands have also been dry...stupid weather), a packet of Skittles, 4 pens, 3 pencils, a mini notebook, my camera, eyeliner, Sephora gift card. Yes, I am one of those obnoxious people with a massive purse .

6. When I finish filling in the blanks I'm taking a quick shower then heading straight to bed! .

7. My all time favorite song to dance to is Ciara's 1, 2 Step, Usher's Yeah, or Jessie J's Domino. I'm sure I'll think of others as soon as I hit Publish on this post though!.

light posting this week

2012-01-09T14:18:00.000-08:00

In a complete surprise, I have a temp job.

At my old company.

That I left.

Because it made me miserable.

I know, I know.

I was the last one to think I would be back at that office, but I got the call (yesterday) that they were looking for a temporary hire to finish out a project in the next two weeks. And because the pay would be enough to reimburse me all the Christmas money I spent plus more, and the work was easy (if not tedious), and because apparently I can be bought - I said I would do it.

Rationally, I knew I was probably the best hope to do it. I know the company and the business (it's a small niche business, one of those companies that probably affects your life but you have no idea it even exists), I know the software and the project. Any other hire would have to go through some training and have tons of questions.

I've also got a car tune-up coming up, so...there's that.

I have crazy mixed feelings about being back there, but I figured I would feel shitty if I turned it down and shitty if I took the offer. So, I may as well feel shitty with an extra grand in my pocket, right?

I'm trying to convince myself, if that's not obvious.

I'm half way through the first day right now and it's not terrible. The work is mind-numbingly mundane, but it's necessary and I can do it. However, between that and the book schedule I've been keeping to (whoever let me think reserving 8234978234 books at the library at the same time was a good idea, thanks a lot) I'm going to be kept pretty busy. Hopefully I'll be around to do some posting and blog reading the next two weeks, but as a note, it'll be light over here.

You can always read my Book Blog if you would like :)

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend!

I have this scarf

2012-01-06T17:28:00.000-08:00

Which doesn't mean too much, if you know me. I have many scarves. Dozens, with no exaggeration. They are the one fashion item that I can't seem to let go. I have them in varying lengths, all shades of colour (except yellow. My brown/yellow/pink Filipino skin never could hold up to that colour), differing patterns; infinity scarves and regular scarves; knit and wool and silk; warm and positively deathly hot and fashionable.

But there's this one scarf I have.

It's a knit infinity scarf, completely black, that loops snugly around my neck. It's kind of perfect, in a weird way - dark colours, fashionable enough to wear in all seasons, looped high enough on my neck to be warm in winter and low enough to allow a breeze on cool beach days. It's a scarf I would never pick up because it's so similar to all the others I own, it'd be one where I can convince myself "No, I don't need this when I have X scarf," but I'll glance back at it as I walk away.

That's if I ever bothered to pick it up, anyway. It's unassuming and a bit plain and thousands of other scarves would probably be considered and shuffled before it was even noticed sitting folded in the rack or hanging from the hooks.

You gave me this scarf. This absolutely nondescript, barely-noticeble scarf. I lost it, for a few months. I couldn't find it, and I had no idea how long it had been missing before I realized it, because it's just that small of a thing to me. My mom found it eventually, it'd been hung up on my brother's coat rack, and even though it was sitting, plain as day in front of all of us, no one ever saw it for months.

It was a Christmas present, one I didn't even realize you were going to give me. I walked in the door one day, and it was sitting at my station, hidden in a bright box. I remember being surprised, and flattered, and a bit scared, to be honest. I didn't realize that we'd progressed that far.

You gave me this scarf, and I watched your face as I pried the top off this box and how it was so eager and you were so happy with your choice. You said you saw it and immediately knew it was for me, that you knew it was going to be given to me, no matter the price or consequence. I remember your smile in return to my smile, when I said it was oddly perfect, that you were so pleased and puffed up on some weird post-gift-giving high the entire rest of the day. I remember vaguely a few days later you were still proud of getting a gift so good for me.

I remember your face, too, when I wore it a few months later. You recognized it, and it was like this light went on behind your eyes that it was still in my life, that it was something I actually...chose. I remember the satisfaction in your eyes, and I remember being terrified at what it all meant. You reached over to touch it lightly with your fingertips, and it felt like you were touching something much deeper.

You gave me that scarf.

I wore it today.

And today, you are no longer in my life.

It's a weird thing, to see the scarf. Even now, around my neck, it kind of hurts to see that this tiny item that I'd pass up is one of the few things remaining of you to me. It still kind of smells like you, which is probably more in my head, but does that even matter now? It's you, and it's around me, and I know that you will not be.

Choosing to wear it this morning was a lot more personal and difficult than I thought it would be. Honestly, I haven't thought about it in awhile. It's just because I'm wearing an odd print today and it's kind of cold this evening and needed something that would be functional but not ruin everything, too. And when this came in my head, it was like a movie: I took two steps towards my room and paused, bit my lip as I thought about wearing it.

It shouldn't be this difficult.

But it is, and I understand why.

I have this scarf, and it's a little bit me of me with a little bit of you.

And it breaks my heart just a little bit to see it, because it's the only thing I have left aside from some smiling memories and hidden pictures in my hard drive that really shows us together. It breaks my heart just a little.

But still, I wear it.

It's Friday Blanking time!

2012-01-05T20:29:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday, all! Any exciting plans for the weekend? As far as I know, there's nothing in my book: which means all bets are off! So far the possibility of a small hike to a hidden waterfall smack in the middle of San Diego, taking down all the Christmas decorations, taking in a movie, and a Board Game night with friends have all come up - who knows what will actually happen. Isn't that a wonderful feeling? Now if only my lingering sickness would go away entirely...

I leave you with a fabulous quote from the illustrious John Green's Paper Towns to inspire your weekend:

"If you don't imagine, nothing ever happens at all."

Link up here!

1. One of my favorite things to do when I have free time is read. Usually I go to a coffee shop with my computer, a notebook and a book, and see what happens. Watching others is pretty fun, too (in a non-creepy way, of course!) .

2. When I have free time I tend to be lazy. I'll think of all the places I want to go, but then...get lost on the internet haha .

3. If I had an entire day completely to myself I would go for a small jog in the morning, have a nice breakfast (fruits!), walk around a mall or in Pacific Beach, if the weather is right maybe read on the beach, grab a burrito somewhere, then lazy around at a Coffee Shop or Barnes & Noble with my computer, notebook, and a good book. Head home, maybe play some tennis, have a peaceful dinner (pasta + wine), maybe watch a lovely movie or TV show, finish up with some hot chocolate and a book in bed .

4. I would prefer to spend my free time (alone or with others...) proooobably alone. Does that make a horrible introvert? It would depend on my mood, sometimes all I want is to grab some girlfriends, a cup of coffee, and laugh at a table in the sunshine. But most times, I'm best at a bench in a park with a book and iced latte by my side .

5. Most of my free time happens since I'm unemployed, mostly during the day - my family is home from their jobs in the morning and night, so the times to myself usually fall between 11:30am and 6pm .

6. The best thing about free time is the blissful irresponsibility and potential of it all .

7. The next time I have free time I should probably get my resume together and apply to jobs, fix up the layouts on my blogs, and clean up my room but instead, I'll probably lazy on the couch and read .

New Year Nails

2012-01-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

Because my phone was being difficult and wouldn't send the photos, I wasn't able to put up a photo of my nails in that Last 2011 Post I did. But fear not, because I shall now!

I ended December with these:

OPI - Lucerne-tainly Look Marvelous
Seche Vite Quick Dry Top Coat

But when it was New Year's, I was like "Ashley, come on - it's New Year's Eve! How can you not have glitter on your nails?!" Which is a perfectly reasonable question. So, I added China Glaze - Cleopatra (a lovely gold glitter with some blue glitter) over, and I quite like it! It reminds me of concrete for some odd reason (if it was super diva-d out, of course), which I'm good with. The shimmer of the grey base went well with all the glitters!

Shade

Direct sunlight

Obviously my nails are already growing out, and there's slight tip wear and a bit of chipping, so I'm thinking tomorrow it'll change.

12 Changes in 2012

2012-01-03T18:26:00.000-08:00

When Katherine and Stephany put out the idea of making 12 Changes in 2012 into the twitterverse, I was immediately drawn to the idea. Resolutions and absolutes are always a bit hit-or-miss with me because I hate feeling like I'm a strict schedule, nor do I really think taking on all these self-improvement ideas all at once so quickly really works. I've struggled with it, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

So when one of their conversations turned into the idea of 12 Changes in 2012 - making 1 change per month to gradually integrate it into life - I knew it was something I had to do. Slow works for me, as does repetition and allowing some mistakes and/or slip-ups as we try to better ourselves.

Because I've been sick the first few days of the year, the months I was assigning my changes to kind of became part of an elimination process; a few I couldn't do since the sickness got the best of me (and still is, really), others I already knew there was no hope to complete in January anyway. However, I'm happy to see that I'm actually keeping to a few of them already, so there's hope in my future yet!

So, such follows my 12 Changes I plan to make in 2012.

>January: Eat fruit 1-2 times per week. This kind of happened since I was downing oranges in the hopes of fending off being sick (I don't like orange juice but love oranges...go figure), and so far I've managed to eat apples, pineapple and oranges - and it's only the 3rd! I forget how much I love fruit, and I have no idea why I backed off eating it in the first place. Delicious, and kind of an easy one to integrate. Start off the year slowly, but surely.

>February: Exercise 1-2 times per week. I wanted this to be January's, but being sick has already made me bed- and couch-ridden for 3 of the first 4 days of January. So, February it is! I used to run 3 miles every other day, and play tennis two or three times a week - ideally I'd like to get back to that by the end of the month, but we'll stick with the realistic plan of just exercising at all weekly.

>March: Skip Soda 4 meals a week. My dad is addicted to Coke, so it's consistently in my house - and I consistently drink it. I've figured out that it's not that I want Coke, but I like to have something other than water, so I've been attempting to get cranberry juice, apple juice, and iced tea worked in. It might not be that much healthier than Coke, but...it has to be a little bit, right? The goal is to have soda cut out of my diet by 2013, but we'll just try cutting it down for a month and see how that goes first.

>April: Drink More Water. To go along with the cutting soda, I know I definitely don't get the recommended daily intake of water. Hopefully I'll substitute all those meals accompanied by water, as well as have it constantly throughout my day. In college I used to bring a water bottle with me everywhere, so I'm thinking I'll get back to that.

>May: Comment on >5 blogs each week. I am a terrible, terrible blog friend in that I rarely comment on blogs. I know it's horrible, and of course I always appreciate people's posts - but for some reason, I completely fail on the interaction part. My excuse is that since it's all in a Reader, I'm just a lazy fuck who can't click over to the post - which is a terribly poor excuse! I love my blog friends, and I hope to be able to properly start expressing so this month. Hopefully it will be well over 5 blogs (I follow 200+!), but I'll set a bar low with 5.

>June: Clean/maintain my hard drive once a week. I am constantly downloading things: pictures for blogs, personal photos, music, ebooks (I can't believe I admitted that...), movies, craft templates, pretty much everything. They all automatically go to one folder, which of course means that folder is an absolutely mess. I also don't rename files often, so I'll have images that are like "982349_132_r" and I have no clue what it is. Hopefully if I can set aside time weekly to get it all taken care of, it'll maintain itself nicely and I won't have to search 4 folders and 978234 files for that picture of a bunny.

>July: Blog 3-4 times a week. Normally I would put this a bit higher, but I just launched a book blog so I know it's going to take a few months to figure out how to handle having 2 and getting everything sorted. Looking back at the end of 2011, I was really disappointed that I hadn't blogged consistently during many of the months - I like having records of my days and getting to revisit fun memories or realize that I've gone through situations before and will make it through. Hopefully consistence will turn into habit and i won't have that same disappointment at the end of the year.

>August: Walk to the library twice a month. I am quite fortunate to live within a mile of a library. However, revisiting that lazy fuck thing, I never, ever walk to it! I always drive. Mostly it's because I usually lump library visits with errands so I'll just drop by at the end, but I've realized I am wasting a great exercise opportunity here. I go to the library at least once a week (usually twice, and on occasion it has been three...one week it was four, but we're not talking about that) and need to take advantage of this. And maybe if I'm feeling braver, I have another library 3.5 miles away, and another 4 miles away, and yet another one about 8 miles away...future goals, maybe?

>September: All Electronics (laptop/ipad/tv) of by midnight. I know we're all guilty of this: constant connection. The last thing I do is check my email, turn off my computer, and hop into bed. The first thing I do is roll over, grab my phone, and check if I've gotten any emails or texts. And that's terrible. I've read that it takes our body at least an hour to really shut down after we've turned off all exterior electronic stimulation (which could be the cause of a lot of tossing and turning before bed). There is nothing that important on my computer that I need to have it attached to me at all hours of the day, and in September, I intend to embrace that idea and have them all off by midnight.

>October: Wake up by 9am three times a week. Tying into the electronics off by midnight, I'm hoping that means I'll also go to bed sooner - which means I'll wake up earlier, too. This may be forced to change when I eventually find a job, but for now, my hours of living are about 11am-4am. And that's so unhealthy it makes me cringe just thinking about it. Especially in the winter months because I lose almost all daylight! Morning is productivity, and in October, I will make it happen.

>November: Finish a novel. Ok, this is kiiiiiind of cheating since November is NaNoWriMo, but I can do that, right? My changes, my rules :). I consistently do NaNo, but I've yet to finish any of my stories! This year, I will. I WILL.

>December: Keep car tidy. Hopefully I'll keep this throughout the year, but December always turns into a ridiculous month with the holidays and rushing everywhere. Gifts, gift wrap, bags, food from on the go, leftover cookie platters and cupcake bins are always going in and out of my car, and things get left behind. I keep my car pretty clean anyway, but there's always a bottle or something rolling somewhere. December will hopefully close the year with a tidy vehicle.

And there we have it! Everything seems simple enough where I can slowly get it into my daily habits, and hopefully end 2012 an improved version of myself.

If you'd like to join, the more the merrier!

Get in touch with Katherine or Stephany and get added to the e-mail list :)

12 Changes Twitter: @TwelveChanges

12 Changes website: http://12changes12months.wordpress.com/

Happy 2012 and a Ten on Tuesday!

2012-01-03T02:46:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012, everyone! I've unfortunately been under the weather for a week and it's really beatin' me - it's just so darn annoying! Aside from that, the new year's started pretty well. Seen a few of my friends, read a few good books, and generally had a relaxing time. Tomorrow I am determined to start all the goals and plans I've got for this year, including but not limited to: revamp resume, get portfolio website up and running, find a job, redo the blog layout for this site, get my Book Blog layout up, read more, and clean my closet. And that's just January!

I hope everyone's had a great beginning of the year!

Link up here to join!

1. What did you get for Christmas?

I got a lot of lovely things! Books, puzzles, gift cards, tons of DVDs I wanted...and most importantly, my family and I had one of those five-minute laugh sessions where none of us could speak or talk and just cried of laughter.

2. Have you taken down your Christmas decorations?

We have not! We meant to yesterday, but...well. Didn't happen. Soon!

3. What did you do for New Years Eve?

I was sick, but I dragged my lazy butt out and went to a friend's house with about 10 others. We watched the ball drop and played some board games and video games. It was low key and absolutely perfect.

4. Do you like accents?

LOVE. British accents feel like home to me, and I can't resist Irish, Italian, Australian and French. I guess I'm pretty typical in that way.

5. What kind of television do you have?

Apparently ours is small and out of date, but I'm fine with it! It's not HD, or flat screen, or really big at all. The only annoyance is that it's not widescreen so a lot of programmes get cut off on the sides, but it's nothing I can't live with.

6. Did you make any changes at the beginning of 2012?

I launched my book blog, but since I'm still sick I've been putting off any of the changes/resolutions I really have. Stupid germs are kickin' my ass for now.

7. What’s the last book you read and do you recommend it?

I finished The Last Little Blue Envelope by Maureen Johnson, and I definitely recommend it! She's a great YA author, and I was quite happy with how it turned out. (You can read my review here!)

8. Do you stay current on celebrity gossip?

It's kind of a side effect of having a Twitter. I'm just so plugged in in general that it's hard to avoid any of it. I definitely have my bouts of "need-to-know" moments where I crave any gossip about hollywood, but it's few and far between. Big stories I know. Little ones, might take me a few days to hear.

9. Do you know the words to Bohemian Rhapsody? Gangstas Paradise? Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?

All of them! I stumble a bit on Gangsta's Paradise, but it's because I start singing Amish Paradise - no lie. I heard that song before I heard Coolio's original, so things get jumbled haha.

10. What is your favorite education television show?

WordGirl on PBS. I adore it. And Jeopardy, of course!

The Last Post of 2011

2011-12-31T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to do a 2011 wrap-up (yet...if I can get my shit together maybe I will...), but instead doing a toast to 2011 - a rough year, but one filled with laughter, friendship, a bit of sadness, and unfortunate amount of disappointment, but - most importantly - a hell of a lot of love.

A tribute to the lasts of 2011!

Last meal eaten: paneer tikka masala with garlic naan (it was an Indian night, apparently)

Last purchase: nail polish (how fitting)

Last book read: The Last Little Blue Envelope by Maureen Johnson

Last TV show watched: The Big Bang Theory

Last movie watched: Horrible Bosses (a Christmas gift!)

Last manicure: OPI - Lucerne-tanely Look Marvelous! with China Glaze - Cleopatra over (picture later, as my phone is refusing to email it currently)

And my final playlist of the year!

Gotya feat. Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know

Katy Perry - The One That Got Away

Jessie J - Domino (OBSESSED with this song)

Cee-Lo Green - Bright Lights Bigger City

Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris - We Found Love

fun. feat. Janelle Monae - We Are Young

Happy New Year, everyone!

I hope 2012 is absolutely fabulous!

Fill-in-the-Blank Friday!

2011-12-29T21:08:00.000-08:00

Link up here!

1. New Years is a good motivator for a New Year, New Start. Obviously we don't have to be dictated by an arbitrary date, but it's a good motivator to believe a refreshed calendar can mean a refreshed you.

2. One of my New Year's resolutions will be to exercise. I was doing really, really well before I started my last job - running and tennis. Then I couldn't get a schedule worked out, and it's just...been lost. So, I resolve to get an exercise plan back in place. No pressure about a specific weight or a rigorous regimen: I just need to do it.

3. A New Year's resolution I've made in the past was to finish a novel. I have yet to actually meet that, but I've definitely gotten closer!

4. The most time consuming resolution I ever made was...hmm..I don't think I have one, really. I don't make resolutions often, and when I do, they're not very adventurous or time consuming. Maybe the novelling thing because it takes awhile to do that, but that's a bit of a stretch for the answer.

5. This year I will be spending New Year's Eve hopefully downtown with my best friend and some other friends partying, but seeing as how I've been sick for the past two days it's making it seem like NYE is closer to being spent at home, watching the ball drop on the TV while I suck down saltines and gatorade.

6. If I could wish one thing for my new year it would be to commit more. I'm such a flake on so many different aspects of my life, and I sincerely hope to curb that. It's not healthy!

7. 2012 is going to be filled with looooots of change. I'm starting the year unemployed again, so I have a plan of finding a job, finally moving out of the parents' house, getting together my portfolio and really freelancing and learning my craft. Hopefully, 2012 will be filled with a lot of passion.

PS. Speaking of New Year's, we've all seen this ABSOLUTE cuteness from Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, right? Because it is whimsical and beautiful and sounds fantastic and can they please just have precious little babies together already?!

Letters To Myself: One Year Ago

2011-12-28T05:13:00.000-08:00

Dear December 28, 2010 Ashley,

It's a rough year for you. I know you expected it, and even though you were right, you were so wrong in every way it would be. Your job killed you, just a bit. You made some amazing friends, and lost them as soon as it became possible. You kept some amazing friends, and you realized that a lot of the people you know are amazing friends. You lost your way, for a long time. You let yourself, really - and I'm not blaming you! I think it was necessary, because you learned a lesson from it and I think we're better off for it.

I wish I could tell you that you made the right choice, and stop stressing over it. You had just left your second job even though it was closer to what you wanted to do, because you had made a commitment to the first job - and I remember the long hours you agonized over the decision. And after you made it and cut your 90-hour work weeks down to a blissful 50, you were still stressing out if it was right. I wish I could tell you yes, it is. Even though it was horrible and there's a chance we would be in a much different part of life at the moment, it was the right thing to do. You go to sleep at night knowing you honored a commitment, you understand that you had to do what you did. The job you stuck with, while not the best, was not at all terrible in the least, and you loved it at least 50% every week, if not more.

I wish I could tell you that he'll hurt your heart. He won't mean to, and you won't even realize that he had the power to. But he will, and you will never see it coming. I wish you could have protected yourself better.

I wish I could tell you that J isn't worth it. Maybe he is who you want him to be, but he won't make you what you want to be.

I wish I could tell you to be honest with your best friend and advise her better on that problem she had at the beginning of the year. You held in your real opinion, and I'm still not sure it was worth it. She can do better, and I'm disappointed and regret that you didn't tell her that.

I wish I could tell you how brave you are, for sticking with something for so long because it was the right thing even though it may not have been the best thing. I wish I could tell you that you'll be ok. That you survive. That you will survive. That ultimately, you'll leave it at the right time, in the best terms you could.

I wish I could reassure you that he's worth all the teasing you go through. I'm so proud you stuck out the friendship - not only because you knew there was nothing wrong with it and that neither of you were at fault for anything, but because he is completely worth it all. That he will save you some nights, and be the source of so much love and warmth in a time you were lacking it so much. I know it was tough through all the words and pokes and prods and insinuations, but I'm so, so glad you stuck with it. His friendship is the world to your present Self.

I'm glad you had those sleepless nights and went on that 2-month-long partying binge. Through the exhaustion, occasional fear you were being too crazy, and ever-present self-doubting, it was so much more fun and some of the best memories you'll ever have. You were young anyway, and no one was ever hurt - and that's the best we can ask for. (And hey, that idea of renting a hotel room downtown with your 3 best friends and bar-hopping all through that night for your birthday? Best. Birthday. EVER.)

It's a long year for you, and you go through a lot. Crazy clients, sleepless nights, 20-hour work days, and months that just flew by. You end up unemployed, and a bit lost, and at the mercy of a lot of jokes. You take a lot of bullying this year, much more than you ever did.

But you also have some of the best friends, on the best nights, with the best memories you could ever hope for. You have a boost in resume, a plethora of professional back-up, and so much more knowledge. You learned to read for pleasure again, and were opened to some of the best worlds you never knew were out there. You rode in a friggin' dune buggy, for heaven's sake! Who would have ever thought you'd do that?

What I wish I could tell you most, One Year Ago Ashley, is that you make it to today. With a lot of bruises, a lot of scars, and, regrettably, a few open wounds that still don't have a resolution to close - but you make it with a broader knowledge, a larger heart, and the comfort of those around you.

You make it.

<3,
December 28, 2011 Ashley

December 26...is it really all over?

2011-12-26T02:04:00.000-08:00

I think the most depressing thing about Christmas is when you turn on the radio the day after and it's back to regular music :( No more Christmas carols.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday! Mine was stressful and rushed and a bit exhausting, but definitely one of the better ones in my recent memory. Spent Christmas Eve last minute wrapping gifts and then went down to South Bay to have our Annual celebration with all the family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, lolas, lolos...it's always a chaotic mess. But one I love deeply.

Christmas was wonderful for me, the family had a really great day together - which has been increasingly rare unfortunately, so it's like the day was a special treat. We all woke up on our own time and had a relaxed morning; opened gifts at noon; went to Denny's for a late brunch; ran around to different grocery stores to grab last minute forgotten ingredients; and spent the rest of the evening cooking, napping, and watching X-Men: First Class (amazing movie, sad I didn't see it sooner!).

Nothing spectacular, but still lovely. I mean, something happened at brunch that had us literally laughing until tears came out our eyes for minutes - that's a wonderful feeling.

This week gets to be spent doing a little Winter cleaning, celebrating my mom's birthday, and figuring out New Year's Eve plans! I'm also working on some changes here and on the debut of my book blog, all of which will hopefully happen on January 1. Oooooo...

I didn't take many photos this holiday, but I leave you with some lingering holiday cheer.

Mom's M&M tree :) We didn't put up all the ornaments this year.

How cute is that snowman decal on my Sprinkles cupcake?!
(And it was a free cupcake, which makes it all the better!)

The aftermath of gift opening. We're a surprisingly organized unwrapping family.

Our tree :)

Life Through My Phone - Christmas + Holiday Nail Polish!

2011-12-22T02:38:00.000-08:00

I've been emptying out all the photos on my phone, so I thought I'd post some of the recent images! Mostly Christmas and the nails I've had for the month :)

Disneyland! The castle lit up :)

SUPER grainy, but I was at one of my favourite bars (Vin De Syrah - it has a hidden door entrance!)
and some guy was dressed as Elf! Tights and all.

Allll these bags on my bed? Christmas gifts. In their unwrapped state.

But I finally started wrapping! A few of them all done up.

I took a picture of the gift tags I make! You can't tell from the photo, but they're shaded with colour, too :)
These are stamped, but most of the time I'll just draw holly/snowflakes/trees/etc.

Christmas cards! Finished! It was a feat, but so satisfying to see the finished 25 card stack.
(Which all were placed in the post Tuesday, so recipients, it should come soon!)

That beautiful ornament came direct from Poland! My best friend brought it back
from her trip, and it's GORGEOUS. Hand-painted and glittery!

Nails I began the month with :) Lots of compliments on them, surprisingly.
Wore for a loooong time (10 days!). This is the only manicure I've done that I took off
when they chipped and redid exactly again - loved that much!
OPI - Big Apple Red; China Glaze - White On White; China Glaze - Nova (glitter)

Current nails! I think they're Holiday-y without being so obvious.
OPI - Onyx with OPI - Rainbow Connection over it
BUT! That ring finger? Onyx with Essie - Shine of the Times over it. Which is an amazing polish because
that's what it looks like at that moment, but...

moved my hand out of direct sunlight and it's position, and that's what it looks like.
CRAZY, right?! Completely different at every second, and changes depending on the base polish under.

Top Ten Tuesday: Books + Santa!

2011-12-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

Time to bring in a new meme! Top Ten Tuesday, a weekly list regarding books hosted by the lovely The Broke and the Bookish - each week they host a book-related list, and I thought I'd throw in my post and join in on the fun!

Link up here if you want to join, too!

This week's topic: Top Ten Books I Hope Santa Brings

Two of the funniest women today - and these happen to actually be on my Wishlist, too!

Two of the only Adult Literature books I want so badly. I have the ebook version of Game of Thrones, but I've tried to read it that way and it's definitely one I need to hold the copy in my hand while reading.

Across the Universe - the only book to appear on this list that I've actually read before. I adore this book. One of my all-time favourites. But I borrowed it from the library, so I've yet to own my own copy!

The Clockwork Prince is Book #2 in the Infernal Devices series, a prequel Series to Cassandra Clare's Mortal Instrument Series...ALL of which I highly, highly recommend. I've read all 5 other books, but Clockwork Prince was just released a couple weeks ago - and I am impatiently waiting for my on-hold copy to come into the library!

A series I've been told that I must read - and from all the rave reviews I've been hearing, I have to read it soon! Matched was recently released, as I've found out as well.

All three of which have come highly recommended with beaming reviews. I've read little bits of all while at Barnes & Noble, and safe to say the few pages I've read are enough to hook me in. Want!

And because this is really a Wish List, I'm tossing in 3 more that are impossible to get unless the respective authors or publishers want to send me ARCs - they're all being released in January!

A Million Suns is Book #2 to Across the Universe (which you should recognize from just above...) and I am dying for this book! Anna reviewed it so positively, and it's just making me want it all the sooner.

The Fault in our Stars is the next release from John Green, an author who EVERYONE should be reading. If you've never read any of his, you seriously need to go out and change that tout de suite. They will change your life.

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight has gotten rave reviews from bloggers, and it sounds like something right up my alley.

What books are you wanting under you tree this Sunday?

An Explanation

2011-12-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

(Anyone else see the title and think An Education? Brilliant movie. One of my favourites.)

So, here's the reason it's been so depressing 'round these parts here: it's the Holidays.

I know, I know. REVELATIONS. It's just...the severest bout of Holiday Blues I've ever stumbled into, and I'm clawing hard to get my way out. It's been a wide culmination of all points of my life, so let's hit these one by one, shall we?

1. I'm single. And yes, of course this is a big one. Most days, I'm fine with it - I have faith that my life will work out how it's meant to, and apparently I am not meant to have someone right now. But it's the holidays, and all around me are cutesy couples buying gifts and holding hands and dancing in the snow (well...I mean...the San Diego equivalent. So going to the beach). It doesn't help that I am literally the only single girl in all my local friends right now. Every female I know has a boyfriend and/or is in a a very serious committed dating route that should really just be called A Relationship because I don't get what they're scared about, but whatever not my relationship... I mean...what? Yeah. Like right now, as I type this, this couple picked up their Coffee at the bar in Coffee Bean and she had her finger hooked into his back belt loop. And as they walked off, she eventually let go because she was reading something and lagging, and he just reached back and took her hand and waited and it was so cute and second nature it just makes my heart yearn and feel empty. I have so much love and hope and support to give to someone, and there's no one there to receive it.

2. I'm broke. I get that it was my choice to leave my job, as well as my choice to not actively search for the time being - but the money strain is tight. I budget well and budgeted my remaining money well so I'm not quite struggling, but naturally this holiday season cost more than planned so I'm getting a bit scared for the oncoming months and paying my bills and those few months I'll probably still not be employed.

3. I gave up on my NaNo Novel. Well...it's a bit stalled right now, and I haven't found my way back to it yet. I currently sit at 92,487 words, written in 45 days. That's a feat. And now I think I'm going to shelve it, because I can't find anything worth saving. I figure I just need a break from it, so I'll go back once a few weeks pass - but it's still sad to see something beloved fall to the wayside.

4. Family. Without too many details, the Holidays inevitably mean seeing family, and trust me when I say mine is exhausting. They're numerous and loud and in your face and let's just say...we don't have a lot of the same values. They're uh...well. They're on the Right side of things, shall we say? And I am not. And I can't tell you how much flack myself and a few others in the family get for it and how often I feel like I'm being personally attacked. PLUS, I'm overweight - we know this. And if I get that stupid Side Eye one more time I'm grabbing a dinner roll, I swear to God I'm going to flip a table.

5. I'm single. This repeats itself because of another reason: I hang out with mostly couples. It is not uncommon for me to be the 5th, 7th, 9th, and on one horrid occasion, the 15th wheel. And that's all well and good, I'm happy for all the happies (marginally), but I get to become the unofficial photographer/single-girl/tie-breaker because of it, and let me tell you, it is not fun. Having to play photographer to all the couples who want pictures in front of the beautiful Christmas tree is just one more reminder that I am alone. And then when we're riding rides or things get paired up or we have to partner...well. It's just one more reminder that among all those who love me, I'm still second to someone.

6. Remember this post, about a friendship let go? Well...it hasn't gone as far as I thought. And it's still stupid and complicated and I hate that it's making me much more sad than I think I'm willing to accept.

7. I'm listening to Adele's Someone Like You. I mean, c'mon.

8. Ever feel like you're just...floating in an abyss? It's like you're caught between the ups and downs, so close to action or adrenaline, but you're just...stuck. And waiting. And a little bored, and mostly just feeling worthless? It's been about 2 weeks of this, and I have yet to figure out a way to climb or fall.

9. I miss people. I'm currently finishing up my Holiday cards, and I'm sending out 25 cards - 24 of which are real, non-blog friends who I no longer live near. That's more friends than I currently do have near me. And I miss these people so much that it actually hurts some days.

10. I love the Holidays. I always have. It's cheer and lights and that unfailing faith in the good of all people and showing love. But I just...for some reason, I'm not into it this year. Something grand is missing, and no matter how many trees I put up, lights I string, gifts I wrap, times I watch Elf, or carols I sing, I can't fill the hole that's unwittingly fit into my being.

I understand how lucky I am right now. Reading through this post, I feel like the most ungrateful tosspot in the world. I have friends and family who antagonize me out of love, and a house and money and a means to buy gifts and the health to be sitting in a Coffee Bean whining to the Internetz. And I'm clinging to that.

But sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough to rid your blues.

Just one of dem days*

2011-12-19T14:52:00.000-08:00

I think the general exhaustion of this self-portrait taken a week ago properly describes my current feeling, too.

And in about 3 hours, that scene will be repeated at Coffee Bean as I try valiantly to finish the final 15 Christmas cards and get them sent out. Except my nail polish has changed haha.

In a weird emotional state (and it's not even that time...oh boy.) today. Will come back tomorrow refreshed.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMI_GPn0nqA

Reminiscing the good ol' days of 2000s pop music and filling in some Friday blanks!

2011-12-15T21:32:00.000-08:00

YOU GUYS. You guys. You guys you guys you guys. Guess what I saw at the library and had to check out as soon as possible?

No? No guesses? LOOKIE HERE!

And because that's a crummy webcam picture and backwards, that DVD I'm holding is this:

Yeah, that's real. I totally forget it came out awhile back, and I mean...I didn't get to see these episodes with them in the Mickey Mouse Club days. I was pretty young, and the show didn't even air in the countries I was living in. I've seen clips of course, as any child of the Millennium Pop era has (*NSYNC FOREVER)...but I'm so excited to actually see the horrors of this for reals. Oh Justin Timberlake...no matter what I see, I hope you know that I will love you always. Unconditionally.

And I guess it'll be cool to see some pre-crazy Britney and pre-boobs Christina. And a girl can always hope for a peep of Ryan Gosling!

Anyway, the weekend! Christmas Christmas Christmas. That's about all it will entail. I've made a promise to myself that I will be sending all my Christmas cards out by Saturday. I was doing so well with them, and I've just...slacked like crazy. (Which, if you would like a card, email me your address and you shall receive! prickslikethorn[at]gmail[dot]com - and of course your information won't ever be shared or used for another use other than a holiday card) After all that, tons of gift wrapping. Luckily I'm done with all my actual shopping, so I don't have to worry about the crazy crowds.

Happy Friday all, have a wonderful weekend! Onto the blanks...

Link up here!

1. My most favorite "little thing" is the little chocolate flake sprinkles they put on top of a peppermint mocha at Starbucks. It's so cute and small and you don't really see them since the drink is covered...but it's there, and little, and I love it .

2. I'd give anything to be in Paris right now .

3. I can't believe that there's only 9 days left until Christmas, and 15 days to the new year. WHERE DID THE TIME GO?! .

4. The one thing I'd like to achieve today is finishing at least 10 of my ~25 Christmas cards .

5. The last thing I want to do today is clean. Urgh .

6. If I were writing my own blank today, it would say: 'a movie i want to see in theaters right now is______' because I still want to see Arthur Christmas haha. .

7. My favorite candle scent is actually, I'm not sure. I usually like Christmas-y smells and all, but we don't burn candles in my house so I can't...answer .

All the Ways to Say I Love You (version sad)

2011-12-14T03:00:00.000-08:00

“I love you,” I said to her.

And she smiled back, and kissed my forehead, and tucked mysheets in and said it back.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he smiled back, and wrapped me in a hug, and said heloved me more, and that he’d be back from work by 9 and to remind my brother ofthe bill to pay.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he gave me that funny crooked smile and punched my armand mumbled back you too, sis.

“I love you,” I said to them.

And they hugged me and said it back, grandma squeezing my handand grandpa clapping me on the back, right before he made a morbid joke aboutdeath and seeing me sometime again--hopefully!

“I love you,” I said to her.

And she cried and hugged me and said we’d always be friendsand she’d send me postcards and the moment she was back in town, I’d be herfirst call to grab a cocktail and catch up on life.

“I love you,” I said to her.

And she smiled across the dinner table and told me she lovedme and that I was the best friend she could ever ask for.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he smiled uncomfortably and looked around, finallysaying ditto.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he said it right back, without hesitation, beforepicking up his camouflage duffle bag and walking into the terminal.

“I love you,” I said to them.

And they wrapped me in a hug and gave me their jointbirthday gift before leaving the restaurant to go back to their house.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And they pulled the sheet up, covering his face in finality.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And Buster the dog jumped and yipped and licked my face andI took it to mean that he meant it back.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he looked down at me, his arms around me, our lips stillswollen, curled into a smile, and he whispered it right back.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he returned the smile and bent to kiss my forehead as Istood at the sink, washing the breakfast dishes, and he told me he’d be backaround 5 as he grabbed his backpack and whisked out the door to his first classof the day.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he gave me a tight-lipped return smile and said it back,in passing, as he watched the TV. The Raiders were playing.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he stared back at me, eyes unreadable, body languagemute, with nothing to say.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he shook his head and backed away, staring at me like Iwas a stranger.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he repeated it back to me, only he made it past tense.

“But I love you,” I said to him.

And he told me it wasn't enough in the end.

And he told me it didn't matter in the end.

And he told me it was the end.

And

Finally

said

nothing.

a reflection of me: my desk

2011-12-12T02:07:00.000-08:00

So, what do you do when you've been on a small posting hiatus, and you've made a fairly depressing post that alludes to the troubling week you've just had? Is it possible to just...bypass it and continue on like it's nothing, and all's better so we just hop-skip-jump right back into regular posting*?

One of my favourite bloggers, Laura Marie, made a post about her desk last week and how she thinks you can tell a lot about a person by what is kept (and isn't kept) on it - an opinion of which I am entirely in agreement.

But then I started to think about mine.

I debated long and hard about actually posting this photo, or trying to sort it before, but I figured...that'd be lying. And part of the reason it's not clean in the first place is because I lack the space to really organize it all. And so, I present to you: my desk. Forgive me, and judge me not (or if you do, do so as little possible. kthx).

Trust me when I say I'm ashamed of my space. I obviously don't do any of my work on my desk (all happens on my living room couch or propped in my bed), and seriously, the thought of my desk actually kills me. I'm an incredibly organized person normally, as anyone who knows me in real life can attest, but it started with a few books that I couldn't fit in my bookcase and just...exploded from there.

A few notes on my desk:
*Yes, that is indeed 3 stacks of books piled there. There is not a lick of space on my bookshelf that can fit them.
*The sock isn't really a sock - it is, but it's actually the (clean!) sock I use for the sock bun hair curling.
*The black bundle are a (clean!) pair of leg warmers.
*Tell me if you spot the Toy Story 3-related item! It's quite obscure, so you'll get extra snaps if so.
*Several unfinished crafts are among the piles, including but not limited to: Christmas triptych art canvases, a stamping project, wood letter canvas paint thing, a knitting project somewhere, scrapbooking, and a character naming thing (which isn't quite crafty, but still creative).
*That printer? Totally doesn't work.
*I've counted, and there are a total 9 notebooks somewhere in that desk.
*The red snowflake thing is an Ulta bag, snagged the Essie LuxEffects - Shine of the Times flaky polish! It'll make an appearance somewhere close to New Years.

Seriously. So messy.

I hate that my desk could really display who I am. Because on one hand, totally true: I read and write and craft to the point of excess. But then...I swear I'm not that messy. I swear. And what you don't see is the massive amount of magazines I have, because there are too many to keep on my desk (they're stacked on the floor beside my bed): I subscribe to Glamour, Esquire and GQ, and I swear I buy Cosmo, San Diego, and Sunset to the point where I should subscribe. I literally have 50+ mags somewhere in my room, none of which are represented on my desk.

In conclusion of this rambling mess, I totally think a desk describes the person, but at the same time...I almost hope it doesn't.

What's your desk look like? Is it a proper reflection of you?

*Ok, that was a bad intro to bypass all the Down days I had in a very quick succession, but I promise I'll talk about it later. Sometime.

Up vs. Down

2011-12-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

Some days are Up days. You laugh, you smile, you see your friends. Good things happen, maybe bad things will happen, and definitely things you'll have forgotten by the next hour - but in the end, the day is an up. Maybe you have an eventful day and go to Disneyland and ride all the rides twice and run into an old friend and you're exhausted and happy. Or maybe it's a regular day, you go to work, you send emails, you eat your meals, you come home and hang out on the couch and go to bed in your normal routine. These days are just Up.

And then there are the Down days.

The days where you wake up and it feels like your covers are two ton pounds each and centered right on your chest. Where you roll to the side to escape and find only darkness. Where every waking moment is a swirl of loss and sadness and disappointment. Maybe you'll have sparks of hope, those tiny moments where you can see being pulled out of this Eternal Down-ness and you'll make a plan or be productive or reach out to grab onto thinly veiled hope. But then you turn your head and the thoughts catch up and suddenly things are bleak and worthless again, and it's like you'll never pull back to the surface again.

...i'm trying. wait for me.

It's a Holiday-themed Friday (which suits me just fine!)

2011-12-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

So as a small reminder, check out Girl With Curls for my guest blog post! Apparently my math was way off (I am not surprised) because it's already up on her site - so have fun with me and the 10 Christmas Things that Make Me Happy!

This weekend promises a lot of Holiday madness! My dad made a deal with me that when I cleaned the living room (it's been sorely neglected in all the November/Thanksgiving busy-ness), he'd get the Christmas decorations down from the garage. And guess what I spent all day Thursday doing?? It is spotless (if I do say so myself...), so I get my decorations :)

Unfortunately, we had a small beehive issue in the summer and it happened to be right in the corner where we store all the decorations in the garage. A few bees had made it into the garage, so we had to spray the bug killer inside as well, and now we're uncertain if it's damaged any of the boxes or if the chemicals have gotten into the bins. Which means, we may have to toss out the majority of our Christmas things :( This is horrible news for my mom and I as we have several keepsakes and memories in there, from childhood or handed down to us from generations. Keep your fingers crossed that most of it is fine!

(Although I have to say it'll be fun stocking up on decorations again if we have to replace any!)

So what is everyone else's plans? Are you starting in on the Holiday hoopla too, or putting it off for one more blissful weekend?

I hope everyone has a wonderful end of week, and let's get on with Fill in the blank Friday!

Link Up Here!

1. The holiday season is perfection. A time of family and loved ones and remembering how lucky and blessed you've been through the year; and a time to be determined and look forward to the new year .

2. Snow makes me cold. And it makes me miss Belgium, because that's the last place I've lived that really gets any .

3. The best comfort food to eat when it's cold out is soup in a bread bowl from Panera. Delicious!

4. Winter is the best time for baking and cooking! Our house heats up when we use the stove, so it's almost torturous to use it in the summer months (Southern California weather + heated house = bad news). So when it's cold out, all the better to make it warm and toasty inside - PLUS, you get delicious holiday goodies!

5. I can hardly wait for decorating my house and wrapping all the gifts. I'm almost done with Christmas shopping, 2 gifts left! .

6. When it comes to holiday gifts I prefer to give them, and if I can, make them. It's awkward receiving gifts, but I love giving people presents and showing them how much they mean to me .

7. If I were to rate my excitement about the holiday season on a scale from 1-10, I would say I am at about a 9. You would think a 10, but I get the holiday blues/grinchiness about a day or two of the season when it's overwhelming and seems a bit...pointless. But then I look at garland and turn on the lights to my Christmas tree and I remember how much I have to be thankful for and perk up .

Five Things Lists to get to know me.

2011-11-30T23:19:00.000-08:00

FIVE THINGS...

...You Don't Know About Me:

1) i am bothered

when people who introduce me say I am from California. Even if I might say it sometimes (it's kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision as to what I'll say when people ask), I don't like the picture people get when they hear it.

2) i gave up singing

because one boy told me I was bad at it.

3) i've never

been on a date. I feel weird being 24 and still saying that, but...it's a truth I have to own. I've gone out plenty of times with guys, just the two of us (and on more than one occasion I've found out after the fact the boy called it a date), but I've never gone through the "will you have dinner with me?" first date kind of conversation and outing.

4) i fear being common.

So many people in my life are so...stellar. Everyone I know shines in some way, whether it's purposeful or not. I know people who have literally changed the world, altered the way a mass group lives; and people who reach stars and shoot for the moon with every second of their being. And I have a crushing fear that I'm just...background. That I'm not like them, that I'm the dullness in their life that just intensifies their shine. It terrifies me that I'll be just another person who takes up space in the world, a copy of a copy of a copy that no one will remember.

5) i went on a 4-day

road trip with 14 friends to Utah and Arizona (Zion National Park, Monument Valley, Antelope Canyon, The Four Corners, Lake Powell, and a friend's farm in Utah) when I was 22 and it is honestly one of the happiest, most in-the-moment times of my entire life. I strive to reach that kind of peace, harmony and satisfaction again. And yes, it was chaotic and complicated and filled with drama, but it all faded to the background once we stood on those cliffs.

...I'm Knowledgeable About:

1) figure skating

When I was 5, I had a poster of Nancy Kerrigan on my wall (Tonya Harding is a bitch). It probably started when I was doing ballet at 4 years old, but I've loved the grace and beauty of figure skating for as long as I can remember. The slice of ice, the glistening and sparkling and flowing costumes, the movement and thrill of programs. I can tell you pretty much everything about the sport, figure skaters, the scoring, anything. (Though I will pause and think when I'm explaining the different types of jumps and all - but I'll get it in the end!)

2) french

I moved to Belgium when I was 4, and I started taking French classes when I started school at age 5. For almost as long as I've known the English language, I've know the French language. Of course since I don't use it every day it's not as strong as it could be, but you could set me down in France or any French-speaking country and I'd survive quite well. I read it as well as English and can understand it almost as well - the speaking I stumble on, but it comes back to me.

3) singing

Even though I stopped it (see previous listing of five), my elementary schools' music programs were phenomenal and I started singing in choirs when I was 12. I also lived with several singers and have singer friends, so I've learned a lot about the technique of it and how to properly control your voice. It's beautiful in a very scientific way as well.

4) computers/technology

My dad worked with computers and security in the military since before I was born, so I've been around them all my life. I started typing at 4 years old (I can consistently type 120+ WPM) and using computers or various technology (tablets, iPads, phones, etc) kind of comes naturally to me. Give me a gadget and an hour, I'll come back to you with instructions.

5) people

My close friends will probably laugh at this, but I'm a quiet person--I don't speak much. And when I do, it's to prompt whoever I'm speaking with. Between how much I listen and observe and all the journalism and writing training I've done in my life, I've honed intuition and reading people quite well.

...I Know Nothing About:

1) geography

I'm terrible at it. If I haven't been there or seen it on TV, I cannot tell you where it is, the capital of it, or what rivers surround it. Also, please don't ever ask me where a certain mountain/range is. I have absolutely no idea.

2) cars

Again, absolutely clueless. I barely remember the make and model of my own well-loved vehicle, there's no way I understand the mechanics of it.

3) statistics (the mathematical sense)

Probability and all that simply do not make sense to me. I've been forced through various lessons of it, but I still cannot grasp any of the concepts. It is seriously like looking at Japanese characters to me. This is also the reason I ended up in AP Calculus in high school: if you didn't take the AP track, you had to take Stats - so I powered through all the Honors Algebra, Honors Geometry, Honors Pre-Calc, Trig, and AP Calc just to avoid Stats.

4) make-up

If it's not eyeliner or mascara, I'm lost. I don't wear anything other than eye makeup (don't even own it). How does anyone make sense of powders and matte and liquid make up and bases and foundation and concealer and all that junk?!

5) filipino culture

I may be it on the outside, and on occasion I'll spit out a few Tagalog words since my parents used them in my childhood, but I have absolutely no sense of it otherwise. I'm American (though Europe/Military-raised)-born and know only what it is to be American. I have zero clue the traditions, beliefs, history, anything to do with the Philippines and its people.

...I Believe In:

1) angels

I can't explain this one. I just do.

2) power of positive thinking

Because positivity will eventually lead to believing and believing leads to working hard and earning it. And if it doesn't in the end, then see the next item.

3) all things happen for a reason

No matter how crappy or hard my life has gotten, I've also always gotten through with whatever sort of lesson I'm meant to learn. You go through the worst to recognize the best, and you are given the best as a reward for being who you are. Whatever happens is meant to.

4) my brother

All his life he's been the kid whose teachers say "he has so much potential, he just doesn't get there...yet." And I take faith in that 'yet.' He's destined to be something great, and there's so much he has to offer the world. It's taking him awhile, but...he'll get there. I know he will.

5) the limitlessness of book and words

When you think about it, there are only a finite amount of letters/characters in the world--so in theory, there is actually a limit of how many words/sentences/syllables/sounds we can make and their literal meanings. But that's just so untrue, and anyone who has ever been moved by another person or book or song can attest to that. There's something so powerful and soul-reaching in just the right sequence of words with just the right tone or mood, it's impossible to deny the magic and potential they all possess.

This post was written for Mama Kat's Workshop.

Some November and December things

2011-11-30T01:02:00.001-08:00

Well kids, in case you missed the NaNo post - I did it! I hit 50,000 words on November 21 (probably Nov. 22, it was late in the night/early in the morning). I'm officially going to validate my novel today at 2pm since I wanted to get as much done as I could in the deadline. As I type, my current word count is: 67,556. So hurrah!

I meant to post up my nails every week, but failed on that - which means a mass photo dump at the end of this post of all the ways I've worn all my nails this month. It's sad how many times I've changed it.

Because I am seriously the worst at time and math and all of that, I'm letting everyone know in advance that I'll be a guest poster over at Girl With Curls! My post of 10 Christmas Things That Make Me Happy will be up on Friday - HOWEVER, it will be posted up at 1pm Australian Eastern Standard Time. Which confuses the crap out of me as to the time here PST...if my math is right (HA!), it's roughly ~13 hours time difference. Which means it'll be up at 11pm Thursday for me? Maybe?

THE POINT is that sometime at the end of the week, Jess at Girl With Curls is gracious enough to host my Christmas post, and you must go check it out! She's got an entire Christmas series going while she's on holiday in Melbourne, so I encourage you to go check out her blog at any time - she's cute and awesome and you'll love her. I'll remind you later, of course.

Does anyone else think all Christmas stuff has started earlier? I know stores were starting in September, but I mean...everyone seems to be in the spirit these days! I honestly feel like I'm one of the last ones without my tree up. Seven houses in my neighbourhood have their houses lit up already, and so many friends on Facebook have put up pics of decorations already. I support it since I've secretly been playing Christmas carols in my car for 3 weeks already, but still...DAMN yo.

Anyway, Happy Wednesday all! Hope your week's been well and the rest is even better. Onto the recap of polish!

Essie - Bobbing for Baubles. LOVE the colour, but this was my first time using an Essie polish
and I had the WORST problems with chipping. I paint my nails before I go to bed, and by the time I brushed
my teeth in the morning, a good 5/10 were chipped. Disappointing.
Also, my fingers look SUPER dry, but my camera was too sharply focused and I don't have Photoshop to fix it :(

The only pic I took after I tipped my nails to cover all the chipping. Used China Glaze - Black Diamond as french tips.
(PS. Isn't my Tigger cup adorable?! It's striped inside.)

Dark, but you get the picture. OPI - OP-I love this colour.

A few days later added China Glaze - Twinkle Lights to the cuticle. Nice winter effect!
Crappy photo that doesn't display all the wonderful Christmas-y-ness of the polish, but no worries:
it'll be used tons this Holiday season.

I was trying super hard to get a good photo of this polish because it's so flashy and GORGEOUS. But it's near impossible.
OPI - Warm & Fozzie (Winter/Muppet collection) in the sunlight.

OPI - Warm & Fozzie (from above) in the shade/dark.

And the nails I wore for Thanksgiving (and currently still have - they're chipping like mad though!)
Tape manicure with OPI - Warm & Fozzie and OPI - Romeo & Juliet. Super sparkly.

Ten on Tuesday!

2011-11-29T02:05:00.001-08:00

1. Do you wear glasses, contacts, or are you one of those perfect eyed people?
Glasses! Since I was 9 (and probably needed them earlier. I have squinty eyes in general), and I love wearing them. Yes, they're an inconvenience sometimes, but still. Love.

Glasses! Black D&G frames.

2. What is the next item you are going to purchase?
Hmmm...I just bought a couple presents on Cyber Monday. Probably gift bags, because 3 of my brother's gifts are too damn big and oddly shaped to wrap. Or card stock, depending on the order I go to the stores, because I'm making my own gift tags this year :)

3. Have you ever watched Judge Judy or any other real court show?
Nope. Don't intend to.

4. How do you feel about fake nails?
YUCK. I can't stand them. They're just so obviously fake and overdone, especially ones that are too long or disgustingly rhinestoned. Plus, the glue and whatnot is TERRIBLE for your real nails. If ever a way to wreck them...

This is going to give me hives just looking at it.

5. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Football. GO BOLTS (FOREVER. NO MATTER WHAT. I WILL BLEED BLUE AND GOLD.)

6. If you could create your own Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor, what would it be and what would it be named?
Now that schweddy balls is taken, I have absolutely no idea. (Has anyone ever tried that flavour? I really want to.)

7. Do you have any scars?
I scar very easily, so yes, tons. A few chicken pox scars, one on the inside of my thigh when I burned myself ironing my grad robe an hour before high school graduation (NO, i was NOT ironing it while wearing it - I was sitting on the floor and not paying attention when it was in my hand. I know, still stupid.), one on my knee when I scraped it on the spine of a book, three on my neck from a very unfortunate reaction to a necklace that I scratched and rubbed, on my face from acne, one on my upper arm from when a cat scratched me, another on my ankle, one behind my knee when a dog ran around my leg and pulled it's leash and left a burn...yeah.

8. Does your pet’s name fit them? Is there a more appropriate name?
I don't have a pet :( But most of the office dogs we had were very fitting of their name. Except Roxy, she was a dark brown pitbull mix with white spots and looked like a cow. I kept accidentally calling her Bessie.

9. What is your favorite television show theme song?

One of the most memorable to me will always be The Simpsons, and of course hearing The Rembrandt's will always bring me back to Friends. Other than that though...no real favourite. Although I do have the Reading Rainbow theme song as my brother's ringtone!

10. What was your favorite activity on the playground?
Swings!!

Brought to you by Roots and Rings - join the fun and link up there!

Book Review: Lola and the Boy Next Door

2011-11-28T17:00:00.000-08:00

So, has anyone read this book yet? Because I hate it. (Bear with me, ok? It gets better.)

I hate it because I'm not certain I can ever love another YA book --hell, another book at all-- like I love this one. This is everything I've ever wanted in a book, everything I've never known I could want in a book. It is perfection.

You know those books that just reach into your soul and tug at every hidden string you've ever buried? One of those books that you're certain the author must have climbed into your head? It's that. This was one of those that I had to set down because I was so, so nervous and heartache-y with the main character, but then immediately pulled back open to devour because I HAD. TO. KNOW.

In short, it's about a girl (Lola) whose distinctly colourful life gets turned upside down when the family next door moves back in: her first crush/love who broke her heart returning to the window right across from hers.

Here's the thing: I'm nothing like Lola. I'm not a costumer, I don't dress in colours, I don't have some super sexy hot rocker boyfriend, my parents are not two gay dads, I don't live in San Francisco (how I wish, though...), I'm not in high school--and from what I can tell, my high school experience was nothing like hers.

But I am Lola. I am the girl filled with good and love. I am the girl torn by emotion, frustrated by the rush of everything all at once. I am doubtful and filled with doubt. I am questioned and questionable and questioning, unsure of everything and hopeful just the same. I want more and dream even more and desire the most. Maybe I don't have that boy next door who makes my heart jump and tense all at once (and trust me when I say Cricket Bell sounds close to the ideal), but I struggle through love and loving someone and loving someoneS. I fight every day to be honest and truthful and to figure out what being me really means.

And for that, I highly recommend this book. Because I think you'll be Lola, too, and I would love to have a world of them.

And a world of Cricket Bell's couldn't hurt, either.

5 Dancing Snoopys of 5!

I can still be thankful the Monday after Thanksgiving, right?

2011-11-28T01:38:00.000-08:00

I wanted to be a part of the mass Thanksgiving blog posts of being thankful last week, but alas - I fell sick. Of course. I had crazy amounts of plans and little sleep in the picture, of course I would throw being sick in the mix, too. I spent Wednesday baking, Thursday with the family cooking, and I was one of the crazy shoppers out at midnight for Black Friday--only to crash back at home around 4am, and back out shopping at 11am. Suffice to say, it's been a week and I'm still sick. But recovering!

BUT! That doesn't mean I can't be grateful now, right? Right. Happy belated Thanksgiving, everyone! Whatever you did, however you celebrated (if you do, or if you're Canadian and already had), I hope it was a fantastic day with love and gratitude.

I'm going to list the things I am currently grateful for. HOWEVER, I won't be listing friends or family, because that's already a given. I'm incredibly lucky to have a multitude of both who love and support me through the best and worst times in my life, and that recognition will never go away. Especially after this year. So, let's strike those from the list, and carry on!

#14

Michael Bublé making a Christmas album. yesplz.
Kleenex. Because otherwise, ew.
My MacBook Pro. Even though you made my bank account cry, I still love you always.
Kharr, my car. Because she is steadfast and true.
As much as I'd like to list out every book and/or author that touched my heart this past year, we're going to have to settle at a general Books and Writers. Because there is no other avenue that can make you feel as limitless and loved.
The Big Bang Theory, for bringing the lulz every week.
My health. It's not-so-stellar at the moment, but in the big picture, I'm very lucky.
Target. Oh, Target.
My old job. Even though it made me cry and I ultimately left because it made me miserable, I cannot deny how much it taught me or everything else it brought to my life (including but not limited to: money to pay bills, new friends, discovered alcohol, a boost to my resume, and good food).
Snowball, my stuffed animal.
NaNoWriMo. Discipline and terror and fun.
Nail polish. No explanation needed.
My home. Shelter, a place of love and comfort.
Andrew Garfield. Mmmm.
Russia and England, two countries that currently have two of my best friends residing within. While I don't appreciate them holding my two friends so far from me, I appreciate how welcoming they have been and offering them a new version of home.
My Godfamily, who hosted my family and I on our recent trip to Portland. The most interesting and gracious hosts, in a newfound location to love.
My UGGs. Warmest boots ever. I don't even care if you hate 'em, because my toasty toes could not care less.
Nyquil, because I just downed that and am pretty sure I'm typing while cracked out. Please work.
The library. For obvious reasons.
My local Coffee Bean, for their delicious peppermint mocha lattes and nice baristas.
Disneyland. It really is the happiest place on earth.
Thanksgiving. I do believe gratitude and love should be displayed and declared on all days of the year, but I'm grateful for a Holiday that gives us a time to sit down with those we love and enjoy their company.
Nollie, Harlow, Roxy, Bosco and Chewie - all the office dogs I've had the pleasure of sharing my job (and usually the space under my desk) with. I've never had a pet before, but I discovered this year the appeal of it. Soft, cuddly and cute, and an endless love.
Ken Jennings, because he's hilarious and smart and tweeted me and pretty much made my whole year.
Keith Robinson, for tweeting me and making me smile.
Trader Joe's. Because Veggie Stix, garlic naan, and mini pizzas could not be in life without it. (PS. Anyone remember when they used to wear native american headdresses during Thanksgiving time? I know the person who put a stop to that! The power of a letter...)
Ryan Gosling. MMMMmmmHMMMMM
My phone. I forget it all the time and am probably annoyed by it more often then not, but I can't deny the convenience.
My iPad. Because it represents a reward for a time I worked my ass off and actually earned something.
My Sulley Pook-a-Looz stuffed animal, because he sits on the living room couch and makes me smile throughout the day because he's just so danged cute!

And last, but never the least, this blog. Because I cannot imagine a better community to be a part of and participate in and share my life with.

Sulley Pook-A-Looz!

NaNoWriMo update

2011-11-22T17:30:00.001-08:00

So after much of this:

and this at Coffee Bean (the barista knows my name now):

into the wee hours of night...

If you're not familiar with that, it says current word count: 54,401 words. Which means...

I DID IT!!

Fill in the Blank Friday!

2011-11-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

So, this is going up a bit earlier than normal - because I'll be at Disneyland tomorrow! Brother and friends are going to the New Found Glory show at HOB there, so I'm going to hitch a ride and Christmas shop in the park using my pass (and probably pop on a few rides, of course!). The rest of the weekend is reserved for another birthday celebration of a friend, which will be exhausting but fun (karaoke, boba and laser tag!).

Have a happy weekend all! What are your plans?

Link up here!

1. A nervous habit I have is tapping my pencil (if I have one) and/or twirling my hair. Both equally annoying, and one almost painful, but...I can't help it!

2. Something that makes me sad is stores open during Thanksgiving and/or at midnight on Black Friday. I mean, I'm down with the BF - I'm one of those crazies in a line at 3am. But to infringe on Thanksgiving? To shorten it, cut out family time, just for sales? That's horrible .

3. Today I am thankful for the baristas at my local Coffee Bean - although to be honest, one in particular (Keith). A lot of them aren't that friendly, and I've been going in there 3+ times a week for the last 8 weeks, and Keith is the only one to remember my name and order. I'm not saying you have to, but...an effort is nice. Anyway, he's always incredibly nice, attentive, considerate and makes nice conversation. It's pleasant going in there - which is why I go often .

4. My favorite room in my house is the living room. It's cozy and comfy and always the perfect temperature .

5. I can't stand the Target black friday commercial. I hate that character .

6. If I had an extra $100 to spend on whatever I wanted today I would pay off next month's Student Loan payment. Even though I budget for it, losing that chunk in the middle of Holiday season hits hard .

7. The last person I hung out with was if my mom is asleep on the couch next to me, does that count? Otherwise, I went to dinner with one of my best friends two nights ago .

First Lines of Novels

2011-11-17T17:17:00.001-08:00

In my quest to find some inspiration (and get a little distraction) for NaNoWriMo, I stumbled upon this site that lists the Top 100 First Lines of Novels.

I write backwards, in a way. I have action and dialogue in my head that I know, and I kind of build from there. Beginnings and descriptions always come later, and a Title is almost always the last thing I ever think of. Even though I do have one up on my NaNo profile, it's a lie - I have no idea what it'll actually be titled, if and when ever I finish this thing.

So, safe to say, I do not have a first line of a novel yet. Of course I literally have one - the first one of mine is: "Chandler Davis glanced behind her, taking a quick peek over her shoulder: Was he looking?" Or, if you don't count my pre-write towards my NaNo novel, my first line is: "Jasmine was wholly unprepared for what happened when she walked into her first period AP Government class ten minutes after the bell: thunderous applause broke out across the entire 40-student room." Neither are very...ground breaking, nor do I think they amount to the content of my writing - which is why I find first sentences to be so interesting.

So, I present to you: Top 10 Best First Lines of Novels (according to this site and the American Book Review.)

1. Call me Ishmael. (Hermin Melville, Moby Dick)

2. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. (Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice).

3. A screaming comes across the sky. (Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow)

4. Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice. (Gabriel Garcia Márque, One Hundred Years of Solitude)

5. Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. (Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita)

6. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina)

7. riverrun, past Eve and Adam's from serve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs. (James Joyce, Finnegans Wake)

8. It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. (George Orwell, 1984)

9. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. (Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities)

10. I am an invisible man. (Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man)

Intriguing, right? What do you think? Agree? Disagree? What should be on the list to you?

PS. Current NaNoWriMo word count: 43,496 (!!!)

Ten on Tuesday!

2011-11-15T04:02:00.000-08:00

Currently...
Listening: Let It Snow - Glee Cast (but really Chris Colfer and Darren Criss).
Reading: Dash & Lily's Book of Dares - Rachel Cohn & David Levithan; Sushi For Beginners - Marian Keyes; and One Day - David Nicholls.
Watching: How I Met Your Mother
Wanting: Mindy Kaling's book.
Needing: a direction for my novel. 35,000+ words and nowhere to go as of now.
Located: bedroom.
Missing: two of my best friends who are currently in Poland and Russia :(
Wanderlusting: London. Oh how I miss it so.
NaNoWriMo-Counting: 35,601 words, to be exact.

Link up here!

1. What are your pantry staples?
Cereals (staples: Cocoa Krispies, Sugar Smacks, Frosted Flakes, Honey Bunches of Oats, Life), some sort of plain cracker (Ritz or Saltines, pending season), a variety of nuts (for the family, as I don't eat any of that), thin spaghetti pasta, pasta sauce, and probably some expired popcorn. We insist on having it in the house, but none of us really ever eat it. Odd.

2. What are your refrigerator staples?
String cheese, stick butter (unsalted), typical condiments (ketchup, mustard, mayo), a hot sauce (current: Chipotle Tabasco), soda (Coke), yogurt, and eggs.

3. You already look like Heidi Klum (or your favorite supermodel). Now, what are the top three non-physical things you would change about yourself?
I'd stop being so flaky, make myself more of a follow-through kind of person (so many unfinished projects...), and probably stop driving so fast. I don't mind it, but I'm told it's terrifying - who knew?

4. What’s holding you back from your dream job? (If you already have your dream job, how did you get there?)
Experience and my own will. I know I'll get there, I just have to move through the internal demons telling me I won't make it.

5. You have $500 to spend but it has to be on one item only. Go.
A new mattress/bed. Seriously. Mine is super old and European so nothing ever fits it correctly and I've slept in it so long there's a dip where I lay.

6. What is something that you are embarrassed to admit you buy on a regular basis?
Cosmo. I'm not toooooo embarrassed by it, but the weird sex shit on it is kind of weird since I don't...do any of that.

7. What’s in/on your bed every night?
4 pillows, a panda pillow pet, Snowball, a top sheet, and a comforter. All in various states of disarray depending on the temperature.

8. What is a non-necessity item that, no matter how expensive it gets or how tight your budget if, you will always find room for it?
Nail polish. I don't really ever let it get that expensive (refuse to pay >$5), but I still buy it now despite being unemployed. It lasts forever (polish thinner!) and is an instant happy when I need to feel better. I feel like one indulgence is allowed to maintain sanity.

9. What is the weirdest sandwich you’ve ever made?
I probably haven't ever. I'm pretty vanilla when it comes to food since I'm so picky.

10. Would you rather: Be banned from Pinterest forever, but gain a million captive Twitter followers; or, never get on Facebook again but gain five thousand blog readers?
Huh...intriguing! I don't care about the number of Twitter followers really, but I can't give up Facebook because so many friends from my past living situations and countries are connected to me that way. So I guess I'll be giving up Pinterest (*sob*).

Lazy Monday: i carry your heart with me

2011-11-14T00:44:00.001-08:00

Not much to say today. The weekend was nice and relaxed, spent Holiday shopping and planning and spending it with people I love. Some dramatic friendship issues came up, which are taxing and, frankly, annoying - but I'll figure it all out.

Found via pinterest: Etsy shop here.

Was reminded of this poem from something this weekend, and I remembered how much I love it. It's just so...certain. And loving and true and raw and real. It is what I hope for one day.

i carry your heart with me

       by e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                    i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant 
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

11.11.11!

2011-11-11T18:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday, all! This weekend is filled with Holiday hoopla (already!), which will be stressful, but done in the hopes of relieving stress at it gets closer to actual Thanksgiving and Christmas. It hasn't started the best, seeing my beloved Chargers losing to the fucking Raiders...but we can only go up from here! In the mean time, here are some lovely links I've found from around the internet...

Found via my Pinterest - credit unknown

Wouldn't this make a neat gift?

Perfect for hair & music enthusiasts alike.

Adorable to keep the piggies warm (DUN DUN).

An awesome urban area San Diego map. (She has other cities, too!)

Make your own snowflakes for the holidays.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Fill in the Blank Friday!

2011-11-10T18:08:00.001-08:00

Join the fun here!

1. My favorite new blog of the moment is John Green's Tumblr. He's such a brilliant writer and I love all he blogs about .

2. Something I am thankful for is wonderful friends who support me no matter how much I disappear on them .

3. Something that made me laugh this week was this tweet because Big Bang Theory is hilarious, and Kunal Nayyar is my favourite! .

4. An item that is currently on my wish list is a cute pair of grey heeled boots because my only pair were crammed in the corner of my closet and are now thrown out due to mold :( (these, these, or these'll do!) .

5. I am excited about seeing where my NaNoWriMo novel goes. I've finally passed into that point of being invested, so I'm going to toss weirdness in and see where it takes me .

6. If I were a color I would be royal blue. It's classic and common, but stands on its own .

7. My favorite way to spend a chilly fall day is wrapped in a cuddly coat or fresh out-of-the-dryer comforter with a mug of hot cocoa in hand .

If you feel like crying today, watch this.

2011-11-10T03:59:00.001-08:00

So, I apologize for making you a click a link, but if you feel like crying today, please watch this.

It's not up on YouTube yet (so nothing I can embed), but I saw it yesterday on TV and spent a good 30 seconds bawling like a baby. Maybe because it hits so many personal things with me, but even if you don't have a loved one in the military...it's gonna hit you. Hard.

Damn Hallmark Recordable books. I thought they were just for grandparents to give grandkids. Marketing over there is genius.

This post contains a Christmas tree. Yes, I am aware it is November 9.

2011-11-09T01:32:00.000-08:00

The dueling pianos!

Girls of the night :)

Pre-Games. That's me with my back towards the camera and shiny ponytail!

The tower I made! Unfortunately, I did not down-stack well.
Nor did I do it under a minute.

The weekend was mostly taken up by a massive 3-birthday celebration - myself and 19 friends went downtown to one of my favourite places ever: The Shout! House! It's a dueling piano bar that's so much fun. It's pretty dirty and sexist, but all in fun. The pianists are absolutely amazing, and you get to request songs and all that jazz. They even call out audience members who are texting or not paying attention! Which makes me nervous, but so far, so good. Tons of fun every time I've been there.

After that, we headed back to our friend's house to do some Birthday Minute to Win It games (kind of like my brother's birthday that I showed here) - lots of fun. I love how everything always seems easy, but ends up being so difficult! Like that stupid cup tower pyramid in the photos that I built - so much more difficult to do than expected. But we were speculating that our cups weren't the best because they were odd shaped and sticky.

All in all, incredibly fun, and I'm reminded that I'm really lucky to have some amazing friends.

I also put up my first tree of the Season!

The Charlie Brown tree! It's been sitting on our dining room table since my brother bought it for me in January as a late Christmas gift, and I put it up since I'd never assembled it before. I intended to take it down because even I think it's a bit early to decorate for Christmas - but it's so freakin' cute!! It hasn't been taken down yet, so we'll see how long that stays...

Still hoofing it through my NaNoWriMo novel. Started incredibly slow, since I didn't even start working on it until the evening of Day 2. Have had a few rough days, but as of right now I sit at 17,554 words! Which means I'm ahead of schedule! I found out I'm losing more days in November than I previously thought, so this is good - hopefully I can still finish on time.

How's your week going so far, my dears? We're halfway to the weekend!

Ten on Tuesday!

2011-11-08T05:00:00.000-08:00

Join the fun here!

1. What’s your favorite television show for each day of the week?
Monday - How I Met Your Mother (although 2 Broke Girls is reluctantly creeping up there, too.)

Tuesday - Glee and New Girl

Wednesday - Modern Family!

Thursday - Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock when it returns in January, Bones, Rules of Engagement and It's Always Sunny. I know it's cheating to choose 5 shows on a day, but those are seriously all shows I will NOT miss ever.

Friday - Grimm

Saturday - SNL

Sunday - Once Upon A Time

This is also a sign that I watch too much damn TV, since those are just my favourite shows. Not all that I watch. Sigh.

2. How many times do you wear your jeans before you watch them?

Hmmm…I probably wash them about every other week or so, depending on the weather and how dirty they get.

3. What is your favorite pasta shape?

Angel hair counts, right? Love that. If you need a shape though, bow tie is good too.

4. Do you read newspapers?

You'd think I would as a journalist, but I actually don't. I'll read the headlines online, read an article if it's sent my way, but generally, no.

5. Do you sleep in socks?

Nope! I can't. If I try, I always kick 'em off in my sleep.

6. Favorite genre of movies?
Comedy. I love Rom-Coms, Chick Flicks, those of the light hearted nature. I do love drama, but any day of the week I'll pop in a comedy and get lost in it.

7. How do you feel about wrestling?

Meh. I used to watch a lot of WWF/WWE/etc. when I was younger because it was just…something to do in Italy. Since it aired on TNT, that was one of the few english channels we got overseas and all the other English ones would air movies or boring programs on Fridays; so it became habit.

8. Should men pluck their eyebrows?

Only if they naturally have 1. And even then, it's up to them. Rock what you got, fellas!

9. Do you have dimples?

I do not :( I was always sad to not have any, but I have suuuuper super chubby chipmunk cheeks (seriously - they're in the habit of hanging up my touch screen phone if I smile while talking on it) and I think it would look peculiar if I did have them.

10. Do you like to camp?

HATE IT. Oh heavens. I am not meant to be an outdoors person. I'm ok with the campfire bit, the sleeping under the stars, no electricity, all that jazz. It's just…the BUGS. I seriously get skeeved out 10 minutes in and freak out.

Cookies, birthdays, cute boots and what makes me happy: It's Fill in the Blank Friday!

2011-11-04T01:35:00.000-07:00

Birthdays are stressful.

Three birthdays were this week, so all the celebrations were kind of little throughout the week - and coming to a big culmination this weekend. Dinner, potentially super formal, activities, parties, drinking...it's going to get down.

Or at least get fun. I question how this will affect my damned NaNoWriMo novel (current count: 3547 words).

But anyway, what are your guys weekend plans?

Join the fun here!

1. My favorite thing about this week was/is that it was filled with things to do but was not overly stressful. Good hanging out watching old movies and passing out candy on Monday, fun music making at a practice space on Tuesday, finally beginning NaNo-ing Wednesday, cupcakes and friends Thursday, more writing and friends-ing Friday and throughout the weekend .

2. Colder weather makes me excited! It means holidays and family and fun! It's also my favourite kind of weather: that crisp air that requires boots, cardigans and scarves, that makes the tip of your nose freeze .

3. Three things that make me terribly happy as of late are IMs with best friends who are far away, leg warmers (not quite San Diego appropriate, but still), and really really amazing books. I've luckily been on a streak of brilliant novels .

4. If I could only wear one kind of shoe for the rest of my life, I'd choose boots. Cognac, below the knee, slight heel, probably a buckle. Always cute! .

5. My personality type is something I don't remember from that Personality Test, but it was basically and extroverted introvert haha. How about we say I'm a Pisces? Because even though I'm not positive I believe in astrology, I am a token Pisces woman .

6. I have a serious problem resisting cookies. I keep baking, and then friends give them to me, and family buys them, and it's just a sugar smorgasbord. We currently have nutella cookies, m&m cookies, chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies and the ingredients for dark chocolate mint choco chip cookies in the house .

7. My favorite color to wear is shades of grey. And black. Lots of black .

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-02T12:52:00.001-07:00

I'm not afraid of heights, but this definitely made my feet tingle a bit.

I Believe I can Fly ( flight of the frenchies). Trailer from sebastien montaz-rosset on Vimeo.

Ten on Tuesday!

2011-11-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

You'd think I'd be sittin' pretty on my NaNo novel right now, seeing as that's all I've talked about the last few days. Well, surprise surprise: 17 hours in and I'm at...0.

It seems to always go this way. I'm so caught up in prepping and gearing up for it that when the time comes...I'm 'eh' about it. I'll get there, I know I will - I think I'm just letting my head get into that starting mindset. The mental part is half the battle, right?

Anyway, Ten on Tuesday! I haven't participated in this in awhile, so I'm glad to be back :) Link up here and join the fun!

1. What is your favorite month?
December. It's just this incredible whirlwind of a month, filled with peppermint mochas and Christmas stress and holiday decorations and my mom's birthday and a brand new year just on the horizon.

2. What is the best candy to get while trick or treating?
Twix!

love.

3. What kind of pen do you use?
I use a Sharpie pen, if the paper can handle it - otherwise, just a standard ball point is fine. Not ultra fine tip though, it feels like I'm scratching paper then. And I avoid gel pens if I can handle it, the ink smears and slides funny on me since I have weird cursive/print hybrid writing.

4. You go to a new Italian restaurant, what is your go-to order?
Uhh...my family is weird elitist and we don't really go to Italian restaurants anymore because it's a pallid comparison to having lived in Italy for 3 years. But if I have to, I'll usually go with lasagna. It's a pretty good way to measure the noodle, the sauce and the cut/quality of meat.

5. If you could choose to have any celebrity’s hair, who’s would you choose?
I've always been a big fan of Kate Beckinsale's hair. It's always been just the right amount of styled and smooth and shiny and slightly messy that i love. Really, if I could just be her...that'd be cool, too.

Kate Beckinsale

6. What’s your favorite board game?
Taboo if we're in a big enough group (though i beg of you to never play Guys v. Girls - that was a disastrous night), Apples to Apples if we're with a great group of friends, and Scattergories any other time.

7. Do you know how to play poker?
Vaguely. I always need a refresher just before, but I get it in general. At least Texas Hold 'Em, I don't know about others or standard.

8. What do you think about Old Navy commercials?
Can't stand 'em. They're plastic and contrived and absurd and annoying.

9. What hurts worse- a stubbed toe or a paper cut?
In the moment, a stubbed toe: that shit throbs, man! But in the long run, I think a paper cut because it lingers and is so small you usually forget it, but then it comes back as a searing burn the next few times you irritate it.

10. What’s your favorite kind of pie?
Apple crumble, or pumpkin. I'm not really a big pie person, but those I'll always eat.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

It's always weird having a holiday on Monday, since it kicks off a week in a very funky way - I guarantee the rest of the week will be confusing and all of us will be thinking, "Gosh thank goodness it's Fri--OH WAIT IT'S TUESDAY." Not fun, my dears. Not fun.

But anyhow! Happy Halloween, all! Did everyone do fun things over the weekend? I myself...did not. I literally did not leave the house once. I did not dress up, didn't see any of my friends. And yes, that sounds really pathetic and sorry in a way, but I enjoyed it immensely. I feel like I've been running around since...last year. It's just been non-stop hanging out and birthdays and errands and stress...so it was really, really nice to not deal with any of that this weekend.

I also didn't do anything productive, which kind of sucked...but once again, a nice break. I did continue with my prep for NaNoWriMo, and I started getting all my Christmas lists going. It feels early, but I know the next 8 weeks are going to absolutely fly by.

Anyone doing anything for Halloween? A few friends and I might just hang out at someone's house and pass out candy, but otherwise, it'll just be a regular Monday for me. Most important to me is that Halloween means November 1 is the next day - which is the big start of National Novel Writing Month! I've been stewing on this story idea for 2 months now, so it'll be a relief to finally get it started and down on paper (or a Word doc, as the case may be).

The rest of the week has no solid plans, though Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday are all friends birthdays; so there's bound to be something. Dinners and games and alcohol and maybe even a recording session?? Whoooo knowssss...

Have a wonderful week all!

PS. To finish out the month of nails, these are currently mine:

OPI - Take the Stage; with China Glaze - Black Diamond and It's Alive! as the alternative colours.

I did take that last one off the day I said I would, but I let my nails be polish-free for a few days since that hasn't happened in 3-4 months. Until tomorrow, these are mine!

It's Friday! Let's kick it off with Childhood blanks.

2011-10-27T20:01:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday, all! I finally got started on all my NaNo stuff, so this weekend will be more prep and probably just hanging out with friends. This is also the last weekend I have before holiday & birthday things happen (seriously, starting November 1, I don't go a single weekend without some birthday or holiday following. Ridiculous!), so I'm going to take my time to chill out before I get all stress-y and busy.

Then again, I'm complaining about having too many friends with birthdays and the holidays. Not much of a complaint there, is it? I know I'm lucky.

Anyway. Have a wonderful weekend, and let's get on some blanks!

Link up here to play along!

1. When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer or a ballet dancer when I grew up.

2. As an adult, my dream job would be a YA book editor .

3. W hen I was younger I wanted to be just like Josephine March from Little Women(still true!) .

4. The childhood Halloween costume that I remember most was when I was Pocahontas. Mostly because this other girl named Ashley also dressed up as Pocahontas and it was so much better than mine, but I looked way more like her. It was an upsetting time haha .

5. My favorite childhood toy was Oregon Trail. Does this not count? I've been on a computer since I was a wee one, so I loved Oregon Trail and my Creative Writer program .

6. The time I got into the biggest amount of trouble when I was a kid was when I didn't buckle my seatbelt. I was super pissed off about something and refused to wear my seatbelt as an act of rebellion. I think I lasted an hour, and then got a week with no TV, an immediate time out at home and probably some other punishments, too .

7. I get daily inspiration from other blogs, Twitter (it's a funny world out there, my friends) and most recently, Pinterest .

Preparing for NaNoWriMo

2011-10-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

When I first took on NaNoWriMo in 2009, I thought I knew what I was getting into. I am no stranger to long nights, long papers, and even longer feelings of despair. I'm a wordy person, so 50k seemed do-able, and I had the time for it.

Well.

I wasn't that far off, to give myself a teensy bit of credit. It was rough and tough and a lot of despair. I lost some time, allocated some time, pushed it, spent some long nights cranking away. There were several days of triumph and even more of complete loss. I managed to hit the 50k mark about 5 days before the deadline, and I think I may have actually wept a few tears.

But I was also utterly wrong. I didn't realize how much fun it would be, how rewarding, how absolutely emotionally draining it is. So much of your life gets consumed by this lovely, amazing 30 day challenge that you start to eat, think, breathe your characters. Which gets really confusing in day-to-day life, as well as incredibly frustrating when your plot is losing its steam and direction.

I took on NaNo in 2010, and failed miserably. I had neither time nor sanity for it, and it crashed and burned 3 days in. As I prepare for it now, I kind of know my process, know what to expect, and can figure out what needs to be done now, during, or never. So, I share with you the things that work for me. Every writer is different, as we all know well - so maybe this won't help you in the least bit. But maybe it will.

1) Develop your plot.
I don't really outline or prepare for things I'm writing. I'm always thinking about it, but I don't take the time to write it down. Maybe it's because I know within 50 pages I'm going to deviate so badly from the outline it's hopeless to get back. But the thing is, I always have some sort of direction in my head. I know how I want to start, I know the first few things that will happen. I know something I want to happen eventually. I never know how it will end.

2) Develop your characters.
I've never been much of a pre-planner, but I am working on character development. As the writer, you need to know your characters better than you know yourself. To be able to strike that consistent voice, to keep your reader believing in your protagonist, you need to know. You can do basic sheets of who you are choosing to make your character, or you can do in-depth analyses. I found this on the NaNo forums in 2009, and I've used it ever since: Character Sheet (my apologies to the original poster, as I don't remember who it is and can't give credit!). It seems silly to write such a profile on a fictional person who doesn't exist yet, but that's the point: you need to make your person real.

3) Use the NaNoWriMo forums.
Seriously, they are a saviour. They are there for everything. Want a Write-In? Need to vent your frustrations? Looking for a character name? Need encouragement? Want to know the most obscure way a character can die using a pen, Hallmark card and trash bin? It's there, or someone there will know. I promise, no one on the forums will ever let you down.

4) Writing exercises.
If you're unlucky like me, you don't write every day. Writing is a talent and a skill that never really goes away, but it is something that can't hurt being refreshed - especially when you're about to surmount 50k words There are prompts everywhere on the web. You can google them, or check out here, or in the forums there are always tons of suggestions. NaNoWriMo has also done Sprints via their twitter, which are immensely helpful, and I hope will be done again this year.

One of my favorite things is www.oneword.com where you are given a 1-word prompt and 60 seconds to write anything about it. It's timed within the site, and it will post automatically as soon as the minute is up. It's helpful to get out of your head and to write on instinct; and you also can't really go back and edit unless you want to give up half your minute to re-read and change things! I'll post a few of mine tomorrow.

5) Plan your time.
Ok, this is actually a lie - I never plan out my time. Some people keep strict goals for the day or week, and know down to the number what they still need. I don't do that, but I definitely keep in mind what needs to get done and how long I have to finish it. I'm aware that a daily minimum is 1667 words to make the goal; and I'm aware that I lose two days in November: Thanksgiving and Black Friday. While I don't freak out until I have that 1667 for the day, I do adjust as needed. Most of the time I'll bump up my writing times the few days before Thanksgiving so I'm not playing crazy catch-up in the last few days of the month.

6) Find your writing nirvana.
It's important to know what environment you work best in. Make a playlist, fluff up your pillow, bar your bedroom door so mom won't come pounding in right when you're at an interesting murder part in your novel. Whatever it is, it's important that where you are nurtures your writing. And likewise, understand that you won't always have your writing nirvana. It's impossible to live sitting on your bed with a fresh cup of hot cocoa to your right and your fluffy dog to your left for 30 days straight. You'll be taken out of your zone lots of times, and you have to know that you can push through it - if only to get back to your happy place.

7) DON'T EDIT!
This is perhaps the hardest thing for anyone to get comfortable with. I've been writing for 19 years, and it still makes my heart skip thinking about it. But this is also one of the most important rules when you're taking on NaNoWriMo. I know the temptation of editing, especially when there's a part that you just need to take out or alter. Unless it's something that will entirely affect your novel (such as your character goes to Moscow instead of what you'd originally written of Acapulco), then of course you have to. But anything less than that, let it go. When you go back and re-read, you not only waste valuable time, you're wasting your thought process. You've interrupted your flow, and I can bet you'll start focusing on how poorly something was written or how little you like a part. It's much more of a hinderance than you realize, I promise. Just remember that as of December 1, you are free to go back and edit and change and cross out to your heart's content.

And lastly: 8) Be ok with sucky writing.
Here's the thing: all 50,000 words you write will not be Literary Enlightenment. Your dialogue will not move you to tears like Hamlet's soliloquy. Your murder scene will not make Agatha Christie jealous. Your memoir of sorority days will not make Jen Lancaster envious, nor will your steamy sex scene make Harlequin romances blush. That's just the way it goes - and you have to be ok with that. Kathryn Stockett took 40 rejections and re-writes before The Help was published, and Jo Rowling did not gain immediate success. You have to go through the hell of poor writing to recognize the ones that are great.

I'm all about encouragement in this exciting month though, so if you want some daily or weekly support, follow me on Twitter and/or leave your Twitter handle here and/or Tweet me and I'll make sure to check in with you throughout the month :)

Good luck everyone!

October Nails

2011-10-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

As I've alluded to before, and if you follow me on Twitter you know...I'm a bit of a Nail Polish Freak. I don't really know how it happened, but I know it's gotten way worse in the past 4 months or so. I used to only have a few bottles - maybe 6 or so.

Well, at last count, I'm somewhere in the 50-range. So...it's gotten bad. It's just something that's so versatile, for relatively cheap (if you know where to look), and it makes me feel happy. I've never really been a vain person, or one who focuses a lot on clothing/style/make-up/accessories. But I understand it with nail polish. Oh, do I ever.

So, I thought I'd show you the different nails I've had during the month of October. I don't usually change my polish that often (usually every 6-11 days), but with the ever-present costumes and parties I've been doing, I coordinate them - so this month's gotten a bit terrible. Plus, I can't stand chipped nails, so as soon as polish starts to come off...by the next day I'll have changed it.

Anyway.

Started off the month with:

Bad lighting. I look extremely tan.

OPI - Big Apple Red with China Glaze - Black Diamond tips

Changed to this for my Disney Halloween costume:

in sunlight so you can see it glittering

bad lighting, but at least you can see all the different glitter colours!

OPI - Extra-va-vaganza (Burlesque line)

Which I chipped pretty early because I didn't put enough top coat on, so it quickly turned to this:

China Glaze - Midtown Magic

And then I decided to get Halloween-y 3 days later, so my nails are currently this:

China Glaze - It's Alive (2011 Haunting collection) with OPI - Just A Little Rosti At This (Swiss Collection) tips/blood drips.

As I was typing up this post, my right hand ring finger started chipping (irony?), so tomorrow they'll probably be gone. I'll do another Halloween-themed one, but i have to decide which one first.

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a Polish craze! Right?!?

PS. I apologize for such crappy photos! Usually I take them in my car with sunlight (like the last, most recent one), but I've been slacking this month. Promise to keep it consistent the next time :)

Somehow I knew it wouldn't last.

2011-10-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

Source Unknown

So there was this guy.

It was never a relationship thing, always a friendship - and a pretty close one. We got along well, we fought in that i'll-always-love-you-BUTYOU'REWRONGDAMMIT! kind of way. People mistook us for a couple sometimes, which skeeved me out because it was so far from that. It was a gradual friendship because of our circumstance (which I can't tell you, as it'll be particularly specific and if he were to ever stumble upon this, he'd know it was him in a *snap); we started out as acquaintances, which eventually morphed into more.

I didn't always like him, mind you. We're very different people: me a goody-two-shoes type, he the type that college experiences were based off. He's done everything I've ever said I'd never do. He's also one of those passionate people who will argue the death out of anything no matter if you're agreeing with him or not. I am not the argumentative type, as anyone who knows me (or barely knows me) could tell you. Half the time I wondered if I liked him as a person, even respected him, because our differing views on several things are the type that started revolutions (seriously).

And yet, we were friends. We didn't have a choice in how much time we spent together, and at least 40 hours a week together kind of forces something resembling a friendship.

So eventually, that's what we had. We started going out together, mixing our friends together and hitting the bars/clubs and going on weekend trips with friends and hanging out at his place. There was a week where I saw him a good 150 hours (which is 168 hours, FYI) - no exaggeration. Texts were sent, calls were made - and not always because we had to. There was some drama, there was some making up, there were some silences that meant anger and silences that meant comfort.

Then our circumstance changed, and we didn't need to see each other 40 hours a week; or even at all, really. We had to communicate, but technology could span that. And it seemed apparent that our friendship wasn't as strong as I'd thought. We didn't talk as much, I didn't hear from him, we didn't go out on the weekend or after hours. When we occasionally were together we'd fall back into our routine and it'd be as easy as nothing. He'd tell me to hang out with him, he'd say he wanted to see me, he'd asked me to friends' parties or gatherings. And so I ignored that little nagging feeling.

Then the circumstance drastically changed: we didn't even need to communicate anymore. I was no longer a part of what kept us together, and his role had changed anyway. I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks. I finally asked him to join my friends and me on a night out, in which case he insisted I meet up with him as he'd already been out; so we did - and then when our friends were chatting, they all invited us to a party they were having the next day. So we went. And then I didn't hear from him again, until 2 weeks later when there was a function we were both required to be at. And it was easy again, and simple and we were who we always were.

For a long time, I'd been feeling like I was making all the effort. I was the one who had to always invite him places, I was the one who had to always call him or tell him where I was. In which case, most of the time he'd tell me where he was, and if I wanted to see him I had to go to him. I didn't really think much of it, but once I took a step back and started seeing it...I couldn't ignore it anymore. He never, ever initiated anything. And when he claimed he had, it was always a "why don't we hang out anymore?? hit me up!" which is just a stupid manipulative way of making it seem like he cares but is, in fact, asking you to chase him.

The last time we spoke, I told him I'd be in his area the next day and I wanted to grab lunch with him around 1pm. He said definitely. I ran my errands, went to my appointments, turned down a friend because I had plans with this guy. I called him by 12:45 - no answer. Again at 1 - no answer. Again at 1:10, because I was on a schedule - no answer. By 1:30, I'd moved onto a different errand and skipped lunch, thinking we'd go later. I was getting agitated, as I had to be back in my area by 3 and time was running out.

Finally at 2, he texted me.

Hey. Sorry I missed your calls, I was at the gym. What's up?

So, are we doing lunch?

I have work to do, actually. Gotta be at my place.

Oh...ok...

Besides, I ate before the gym.

Didn't we make plans for lunch around 1?

Yeah, but I wanted to go to the gym. And I was hungry.

It couldn't have waited?

I guess so. But I was hungry. And now I have to work.

You couldn't have called me earlier to bump up the time?

I didn't think about it.

And I made the choice at that moment to never initiate anything with him again.

It's been 5 weeks. And so far, I don't regret it. It's been a bit weird. Having a friend that was a constant to be...nothing. I still feel a bit odd when I go out and don't text him, or when I'm making plans and don't let him know. But all it's proven to me is that I made the right choice, because I haven't heard a peep out of him since. This guy, who was always telling me how much I meant to him, and pleading with me to help him out, and always telling me he wanted to see me hasn't made any sort of contact in 35 days. Which was spurred by him blowing me off completely without even a second thought.

It kind of sucks, I won't lie about that. I enjoyed his company most times, and our friends hung out together. Without him, my usual Night Out Group went from 11 to 4. It's been an adjustment.

But I accept this change in status. Because I don't need to feel like I'm putting in 100% effort for 0% return. Because I know I matter, that I'm a friend who tries - and it isn't fair to get nothing back. If he doesn't think I'm a worthy friend to call, then...I won't be.

Parties and Pictures!

2011-10-24T17:29:00.000-07:00

Short post today as I'm still absolutely exhausted from the weekend festivities of brother's birthday - which was a resounding success! A few hiccups of course, but all for the better in the end. Unfortunately my sleep schedule just did not hold up and in 72 hours I managed roughly 13 of sleep; the rest were running around gathering materials, planning, coordinating, driving and actually going through all the activities. Note to self: next time, give yourself more than 3 days to get your shit together!

Pictorial evidence of what I've been doing the past few weeks!

Brother's girlfriend's birthday party - Princess/Adventure Time-themed. If you spot me, I know it looks like I didn't dress up - but I swear I did! I'm Marceline, from Adventure Time. Reference:

Disneyland Halloween! My first time doing the Holiday circuit at Disneyland, which is sad since I'e had an annual pass for quite some time now. But that's ok. It was wonderful and filled with that Disney magic we all know and love. Lots of pumpkins and WAY too much candy to even think about. For those that don't know what it is, the Park closes to guests at 7pm and only those who purchased special Halloween passes can enter - all the rides are open, and they set up stations throughout the entire park that hand out candy to you.

And yes, I am the bright blue blob: aka, The Fairy Godmother from Cinderella! That costume was a biiiiiitch to make. Seriously, never using Costume Satin again. But it turned out relatively ok, and it was easily recognizable so that was good; I even had a bunch of little kids say "Oh my God look mom, it's the Fairy Godmother!" and a few picture requests! And bonus: I got to carry a wand. Who wouldn't want that?!

Brother's surprise birthday party! He never makes a big deal about his birthday, so this year me, his girlfriend and two of our friends decided to pull together and throw a surprise day for him. It was originally supposed to be a Scavenger Hunt spanning San Diego, North County San Diego, and Orange County, but somehow it morphed into a day of Minute To Win It based games. Not what I really wanted, but a blast nonetheless! There were several typical games, a few multi-player games we adjusted ourselves, and a flour-based game (as you can see from the picture) that I feel was good in theory, but perhaps not in execution. We finished the day with a delicious Lucille's BBQ dinner in Irvine/Tustin and cake/board games back at our house. Exhausting and frustrating and a headache, but totally, totally worth it.

It's Friday and finally feeling like Fall!

2011-10-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

Radio silence on the blog again folks - sorry about that. It's been a huge Halloween Madness in my life, which has now turned into brother's birthday madness. But luckily, his festivities will end by Monday, which means my life can return to the norm of unemployment and crafty-goodness. And blogging! So much blogging!

What are your weekend plans? As mentioned, it's my BroBear's birthday so we're having a dinner with friends. We're thinking of something else too, but if it happens, it'll be a secret...so shhh! Can't write it here, lest he find it ;)

Let's fill in some blanks, shall we??

1. Nothing says fall like pumpkin and/or cinnamon-spiced baked goods .

2. My favorite autumnal tradition is gearing up for Black Friday. Yes, it's very commercial, but it's the excitement and fun of being up at such odd hours for the holidays .

3. My favorite fall treat is pumpkin chocolate chip muffins from Coffee Bean. Delish! .

4. Fall makes me think of snow because I live in an area where Fall = Winter. We don't really have seasons in San Diego: it's hot, and then not-as-hot. So when it becomes not-so-hot, I always think of it as other people's winters...which is snow. Yeah, that was a very long train of thought .

5. Autumn free form word association, go! leaves, crisp air, boots, jackets, pumpkin spice lattes! .

6. My go-to outfit in the fall is leggings, flawy top, cardigan, boots and a scarf. Maybe leg warmers if it's colder .

7. My favorite fall holiday is (Halloween or Thanksgiving) Thanksgiving! I actually really don't like Halloween - the slutty dressing up, all the candy sugar sweets which make me break out like crazy, and then I'm a bit of a scaredy-cat. I have a crazy spider phobia, so Halloween just freaks me out. Plus, Thanksgiving is wonderful; it's food and family and laughing and the parade and dog show and football and the prelude to Christmas .

An Old Favourite

2011-10-08T23:47:00.000-07:00

And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
Throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
Ain't even half of what I'm feelin' inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby...

It's Friday!

2011-10-07T02:16:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday, all! Any plans for the weekend? I've got a dinner and night out with my girlfriends, but aside from that I think I'll lay low - being sick still and having gone on such an exhausting (but lovely) vacation requires some recovery time. I'm also going to start sewing my costume for Disneyland Halloween!

Link up here!

1. Something popular that I can't stand/just don't "get" is the TV show Vampire Diaries. Maybe it's because I found the main girl SO unlikable and bratty when I started reading the books and gave up on them, and that has just transferred over to the show...but I don't see the appeal. (Note: this does not mean I don't see the appeal of Ian Somerhalder. YES PLEASE).

2. Something unpopular that I secretly love is capes. I've heard they're sort of coming back in style? Probably more so in England, but not so much here in San Diego. They're comfortable and cute and I love the silhouette .

3. When I've had a bad day I go home, take a long shower, wrap myself in a blanket and watch Pride and Prejudice (the Keira Knightley 2005 version) .

4. I'd prefer a coffee shop talk to a night out on the town any day.

5. Something that makes me nervous is dressing up for Halloween. This year is the first year I'll be doing it in about 20 years, and it's freaking me out. I get anxious at the idea of purposely drawing attention to myself .

6. Something worth fighting for is marriage equality. There are few causes/fights I am truly passionate about, and that is one of them. I will fight until the day I die for the right to marriage for EVERYONE. NO TO PROP (H)8!

7. When people think of me, I hope they think that I am kind and truthful and creative with an open and caring heart .

You're the Charlie Browniest

Music Monday

Somehow there's a lot of sports in this post. Also, a Ten on Tuesday!

Happy Friday! (and the blanks are back!)

Mondays are too difficult to really think. Have some photos of food, wine, work and Comic-con 2011. (It's never too late.)

It is a Friday now. (This post is largely complaining about work, but also about Jeopardy. I think that redeems it.)

Throwback Thursday

It is Wednesday. Have some music.

If I was in Miss America...

Fill in the Blank Friday!

light posting this week

I have this scarf

It's Friday Blanking time!

New Year Nails

12 Changes in 2012

Happy 2012 and a Ten on Tuesday!

The Last Post of 2011

Fill-in-the-Blank Friday!

Letters To Myself: One Year Ago

Top Ten Books I Read in 2011

December 26...is it really all over?

Life Through My Phone - Christmas + Holiday Nail Polish!

Top Ten Tuesday: Books + Santa!

An Explanation

Just one of dem days*

Reminiscing the good ol' days of 2000s pop music and filling in some Friday blanks!

All the Ways to Say I Love You (version sad)

a reflection of me: my desk

Up vs. Down

It's a Holiday-themed Friday (which suits me just fine!)

Five Things Lists to get to know me.

Some November and December things

Ten on Tuesday!

Book Review: Lola and the Boy Next Door

I can still be thankful the Monday after Thanksgiving, right?

NaNoWriMo update

Fill in the Blank Friday!

First Lines of Novels

Ten on Tuesday!

Lazy Monday: i carry your heart with me

11.11.11!

Fill in the Blank Friday!

If you feel like crying today, watch this.

This post contains a Christmas tree. Yes, I am aware it is November 9.

Ten on Tuesday!

Cookies, birthdays, cute boots and what makes me happy: It's Fill in the Blank Friday!

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Ten on Tuesday!

Happy Halloween!

It's Friday! Let's kick it off with Childhood blanks.

Preparing for NaNoWriMo

October Nails

Somehow I knew it wouldn't last.

Parties and Pictures!

It's Friday and finally feeling like Fall!

An Old Favourite

It's Friday!