Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Even though history has proven that the moment you get to know me, the possible feelings will go away, I have to discuss this. I know the risks. I know that the more you know me, the less you'll love me. That the second I let go of this denial, it will all fade away faster than I can see. I wrote about it once, and I have nothing to prove it's different.

But I want to record this, because for a brief second in my car the other day I smiled and laughed and reveled in the feeling that perhaps, just once, someone loved me.

I can't say for certain what it is that makes me think you like me. It's a feeling when I walk over to you, when I look at you. My heart has such a crazy response, how could it not be reflected in yours? It sure feels strong enough.

There are the obvious things, like when you called me baby or that you were the first to hug me. I know I grabbed your arm and initiated contact, but I still relive the moment where I was going to walk away and I saw you step forward and hesitate for a split second with your arms open. You wanted that hug. And I gave it. Before I knew how much you would make my heart skip, I gave it to you freely.

But there's something else. It's a feeling, a small little thing that speaks more to me. It's the way you always seem to break into a smile when you see me, that half-smirk that grows as soon as I enter a room and I know you glance at me. It's that time I walked outside and saw you sitting with all your friends at the table and as soon as we locked eyes you had that grin, and it was like there was a tunnel vision between us. It's this feeling that I can't let go that I make you happy.

And it is that feeling that makes me feel invincible at the same time as breaks me. Because I don't know if this is real or if it could be real, and I don't understand how I can be two seconds away from confronting it to find out and half a step from running in the other direction.

Read more...

About Me

My photo
I'm fairly obsessed with penguins, Peanuts (the comic), and the TV show Friends. Parentheses may or may not be (over)used in this blog, and books will pretty much be the only thing I ever talk about because they are my One True Love.

Labels

#best09 #reverb10 12 Changes in 2012 2011 2012 20sb 30 Day Journal Challenge AAA absence album anecdote art article bad mood Balboa bathroom beach birthday blackout blog blog award blog birthday blog swap Blurb of Absurd body book books books; book review bored boys brother building fail California cards challenge change Chargers childhood China Glaze Christmas cigarettes clutter comic-con contest conversation excerpt cop out post Coronado creepy December Nights decoration Demi Lovato dilemma Disney Disneyland do you want to date me? documentaries Downtown Disney Dr. Horrible drag queens dream drunk earthquake Easter emotional Essie Fall family fashion Father's Day fear fiftypeopleonequestion fill in the blank friday Film first kiss food friends frustrated fun funny future future fail gifts girls Glee Golden Globes Google Google reader Google Wave greek guest blog Halloween happy health health insurance needs to rot in hell (but does it cover that?) help me hero hiatus hit and runs SUCK ASS holidays home hope hot humor hypothetical situations not at all based on reality or my life imaginary in memoriam inspiration introspective iPad Italians Jeopardy Jersey Shore John Mayer journalism judgment L'Oreal LA letters to myself library lies life life lessons Link Love Friday list love lust Mama Kat's Workshop Mash-Up Mayer Hawthorne mom money movies music nails NaNoWriMo nerd new year night out OPI opinion packaging party past peace Peanuts penguin personal photos pictures place poetry polish Portland Postsecret random relationships Restaurant Road to VDay room roommates from hell rush sad sdcc10 secret shame shopping sick sleep spoken word sports Starbucks strange Target tea Teaser Tuesday technology Ten on Tuesday thanksgiving this makes no sense this should probably embarrass me but it doesn't tips Top Ten Tuesday (Books) Toy Story 3 travel trips TV TV taping Twitter Utah Valentine's Day Vancouver 2010 weather weekend WHAT IS MY LIFE why does auto-correct suck so hard Wordless Wednesday work work sucks workshop writer's block writing YA you're not really a doctor anyway Zoya

i'm probably reading

Zoe's bookshelf: read

The Dragon's EyeAngelsThe Lightning ThiefThe Man of My DreamsCity of GlassCity of Ashes

More of Zoe's books »
Zoe's  book recommendations, reviews, favorite quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists

  © Blogger template On The Road by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP