A Day In the Life of an Unemployed Graduate

9:30am: phone alarm rings. "Who the fuck set that?" I think to myself. "Oh right...it was a brief moment of resolve to do something with my day."
9:30:05am: shut off phone alarm. Snuggle with my teddy bear (she's cute, I promise.)
10am: dad yells at me.
10:00:01-10:00:15: ignore dad.
11am: grumble. Think I should probably do something with my life. Ignore thoughts.
11:10am: give in to the inner voice.
11:15am: Really. This time I give in to the voice telling me to get up.
11:20am: Ok. Up for real this time.
11:30am: Stumble out of bed.
11:45am: Kitchen to grab food.
12:30pm: Finally figure out what food to eat. Proceed to forget as I am distracted by internetz.
1pm: Oh right. Food. That's why stomach won't stop making noise.
1:30pm: Wash dishes. YES, something responsible for the day done!
1:40pm: Now what?
1:40pm-8pm: These hours don't exist. I have no recollection what I do during this time, except that nothing comes out of it.
8pm: Watch So You Think You Can Dance. Revealing the Top 20 tonight!
9pm: Watch GLEE!!!! (this is obviously a Wednesday.)
9:40pm: Inevitable phone call from friend attempting to make connection. Ignored. Will Schuester is too important to me.
10pm: Watch Top Chef: Las Vegas and remember I haven't eaten dinner yet. Again, I am distracted.
11:15pm: Wonder why Top Chef ends at such a weird hour. Realize food has not been consumed. Grab small and inevitably unhealthy snack food item, pretend it's fine as a substitute for dinner.
11:30pm: Stomach grumbles. Fuck, I should have eaten.
11:45pm: Ignore dad telling me to grab apple. Prepare full meal.
Midnight: Shit. Shouldn't have eaten all that, going to be awake for hours.
12:02am: Realize it doesn't matter how much I ate or how long I'll be awake. I have zero to do tomorrow.
12:30am: Say I'm going to go to sleep. Go to room. Grab iPod Touch, which conveniently has internet access on it.
3am: Turn off iPod Touch. Dammit.
3:01am: Set phone alarm for 9:30am. I WILL be productive tomorrow. i WILL!
3:03am: Turn on iPod Touch. I've just remembered something that just HAS to be checked tonight.
4:30am: Fall asleep with iPod Touch still in my hand.
9:30am: Fuck this alarm. Snooze.


It's quite fulfilling.
(PS. SOMEONE GIVE ME A JOB, I'M DYING HERE.)