Sunday, November 15, 2009
Hello faithful readers (so like...3 of you. Hi!),
No, I did not forget about you. I did not forget to update, or let you glimpse my totally filled with fulfilling things life. I did not forget that I'm trying to keep up with this whole "blog" world.
I just chose to ignore you.
Really though, I've been working on my NaNoNovel, and since I've already discussed that in almost every single one of my posts, I figured I wouldn't keep writing about it (FYI: Day 15, 25883 words!). And since that's pretty much been all that's happening in my life, i had nothing to blog about.
There has been other things, but nothing worthy of the blogosphere. There was a mishap with cars at my house, so now we are down to two functioning cars: mine and my dad's. My dad's, however, is a stick shift, and therefore I cannot drive it. But everyone uses my car since it's the one that gets the best mileage in the house, and I am effectively stuck inside all the damn day. Now, to be real, it's not like I go out all the time anyway. I pretty much only venture out into sunlight four times a week, probably no more than four hours each time. But I liked having the option. And of course, now that the option is no longer there, all I want to do is go out ALL THE DAMN TIME. Which is a problem, because going out usually results in spending money. Of which does not exist in my bank account. I'm trapped, really. It's a tough life.
So have we all heard about Google Wave? If not, a simple Google search will result in pages and pages of results; some informative, some helpful, most whining that they want an invite. Well, having a twitter finally paid off, because I managed to score an invite through a random person (thanks @jpbagley!)and I am now one of the elite thousands who have a Google Wave. And seriously, it does look pretty cool. The interface is very signature Google, it's functional and helpful and looks pretty fuckin' awesome.
The problem though, is that because it's in limited preview/beta and the invites are so rare to come across, I have no one to use it with! Literally, none of my friends have a Google Wave account (if you're my friend and you do, what the hell man! Get at me!), so I have no one to "wave" with. I finally figured out how to link my Twitter account to it, and it was pretty awesome for the first five tweets that I had figured out how to do it (because 3 of those were about how I finally figured it out...), but...that's done. I really do have friends that I would love to use GWave with because they're abroad or live away from me and the whole drag+drop of pictures and adding files and brainstorming together thing would be useful. So c'mon, Google Wave, hook a girl up with some invites so I can get some friends on it and actually pimp out how awesome it is!
Oh, other thing sucking up time in my life: I got into playing that stupid Bejeweled game on facebook. I never knew how stressful it was to line up 3-5 shapes in under a minute.
See, you didn't miss anything in my life. Au revoir!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
hoooooly crap i have fallen SO behind on my NaNo novel! Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Write write write write write. Must must must must must.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
So, I'm back in Irvine (for those who don't know, I did my undergrad here). And it feels weird.
I'm only here for the day; I drove back up to pick up my diploma (look ma, I did it!) and it coincides with one of my best friend's birthdays so I'm staying for dinner then driving back down to San Diego. I had lunch with one of my other best friends, stopped on campus for a bit, am now at Panera to work on my NaNoNovel, will take off around 5:30 or 6 to get a bit of shopping in (because how can I come back to Orange County and not buy anything?), then meet up for dinner with a whole mess of friends. I am excited.
I am also a bit sad. It was so strange being back on campus, and it only reinforces how I don't belong there anymore. I never considered graduation to be a "big" thing. I mean, duh, of course it's big, but it just felt like another milestone in my life that I was supposed to get. I didn't see how much of my life would change, and how much I would have to leave behind.
I will always have some sort of attachment to Irvine because of what it represents. Irvine was freedom. It was the first time I had ever gone out somewhere by myself. It's a bit strange, but for the first 18 years of my life I never went anywhere alone. Partially because my dad didn't let me, and mostly because I always had a friend who wanted to go. But when I got to Irvine, everyone had such different tastes and schedules that if I wanted something, I had to go on my time. And I started going places by myself. Start small: get coffee. Target. Go Bigger: The mall. Lunch. Eventually, I went everywhere by myself: parks, libraries, Disneyland. I even started going to Downtown Disney by myself to study (yeah, you just read that right).
Now, I hate going places with people. I shouldn't say hate, but I prefer to go most places by myself. I can do things on my own time without impeding on someone else or having to take other's time constraints into consideration. I don't need to worry about someone asking me if we can leave because she has somewhere to be or making fun of me for looking at the blue beret (true story, but it was just a joke!) or wanting to stop into a store with TVs so we can look at the soccer game.
Here in Irvine, it's come to mean that to me. It's independence, freedom, the option to go out by myself and do whatever I like without answering to anyone about my whereabouts. And when I'm at home, I don't feel that since for the 6 years I did live there, I never felt as though I could. Which makes me miss Irvine. I miss the familiarity and the life I had here.
At the same time, I hate this place. I was miserable for most of my college career. I was two steps away from transferring from here. I hate the society, the stupid Orange County Mom Bitches, the Trust Fund babies, how no one can use their damn blinker on a car, how stores close at 8. Every time I'm here, I can't help but think how much I hated my life for three years. I think about all the people who betrayed and/or disappointed me, who went out of their way to make my life worse, all the people who did nothing but hurt me. All I wanted to do when I was here was run, and that feeling always creeps back to me.
I don't really know where this is going. It makes me sad, happy, and emotional to be here. But for now, as I sit here at Panera and look across the street to Mimi's Cafe, all I think about is the dinner I had there with Ryan a few days before he left to study abroad for a year. The power went out at the restaurant for an hour, and they comped us half our meal. I remember loving being with my friend, I remember enjoying my time, I remember him tricking me into letting him pay for most of the meal. That night was at the height of my miserable time, and it still shines as a time I was happy.
Maybe there's a metaphor in there.
PS. I have just watched the guy in front of me look at the exact same sweatshirt for over 2 hours. He keeps flipping back and forth between two web pages to look at the sweatshirt, and all I want to do is yell "IT'S THE SAME DAMN SWEATSHIRT JUST BUY IT ALREADY ITS ON SALE FOR $25 MARKED OFF ITS REGULAR $40!"
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Because in less than a hot minute I'd start a love story with any of the three following men.
Brought to you by my awesome file of Hot Men on my hard drive.
Inspired by the forum post made by my friend Dylan. Thank you Dyl, for inspiring Lust Post 1.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Number of...
Gigs of Music on my computer: 56.11
Songs I have on my computer: ~13173
Gigs I have loaded into my iTunes: 41.38
Songs I have loaded into my iTunes: 9334
Days of Music I have loaded into my iTunes: 24.3
Songs I have on my iPod: 1281
Gigs of Media I have on my iPod: 11
CDs in my room: ~367
CDs in my house (minus my room): ~148
The Number of Songs I Can Find Right Now For My Mood: 0
Sunday, November 1, 2009
So most people would think I'm talking of Craig Ferguson (top notch man, by the way - been to a taping of his, and he's even funnier in regular conversation), Jimmy Fallon, perhaps even Carson Daly (woah, TRL flashbacks, right?). But I am not.
I speak of the Graham Norton Show, thankfully viewed in my house due to the amazing BBC America channel. Which I also praise Higher Beings for because it brought Skins into my life. But I digress.
I'd never really watched his show before - passed it a few times, but proceeded to pass it up. I don't know much about him or his show or...whatever...but I quite enjoyed this one. I missed a good 20 minutes or so (how he managed to shove 3 people into the first 20 minutes I do not know), but it was actually quite fun and funny. It was a nice surprise to see Michael Buble on the show; and even though I have heard he is quite douchey, he was quite pleasant and terribly funny. And being douchey doesn't mean I love your music less (see: John Mayer): his performance was good and oh my I will love his voice forever. It's so effortless! I am going to attempt to embed the video at the end of this blog, if you desire to see it.
Anyway. So I quite enjoyed that 40 minute segment of British television in my life. British accents strike such a deep chord with me, it's kind of weird. Something about British accents just feels like home to me. It's familiar, and beautiful, and just...relaxing. I know the people who know me are thinking, Well duh you began your life in Britain, of course it's home to you. But the thing is, I moved away when I was 2, and it's not like my parents were British or I spent too much time with tons of British people. I get that the first two years of your life are important to your development, but it's just strange that it made such a big impact. Whatever the reason, I love hearing it.
ALSO, I do highly recommend Michael Buble's new album Crazy Love. If you dig some Norah Jones, Josh Groban, artists with actual talent...it's good.
And before I make the attempt of a video embed, my usual PS. at the end of a post: Good job Food Network, already getting on the Thanksgiving Train by airing the Iron Chef America Battle Turkey!
Hola muchachalatas (taken blatantly from an iCarly episode that I love).
Happy end of the month that passed fast but dragged forever! Did it not seem that it took forever for Halloween to get here? But at the same time, I can't believe it's November already. What happened to my big planning month for NaNoWriMo?!
As seen by my blogging at 12:13am November 1, I did not go out on the town and get ridiculously drunk while dressing slutty. That was yesterday.
No, kidding. Ish. Yesterday was one of my best friend's birthdays, so I went to Downtown to celebrate with her and a few friends. It was a pretty good time, all things considered. I quite enjoyed all the costumes I saw, and I was quite disgusted with about the same amount. Good: Twister Man, Jack from Jack in the Box, Penguin Man gettin' jiggy wit' it on the dance floor, Austin Powers. Bad: Preacher grindin' on my friend (complete with a cross around his neck...sacrilegious, amirite?), girls who weren't actually wearing clothes just body paint, Dick In A Box (you would think I would like that since it has to do with Justin Timberlake, but not when the Box is see through. And he's not hot.), Police Officer. I didn't even think about costumes, so I was just in a dress and boots. Luckily, I don't drink much, else I might have been a little worse for wear.
That said, I'm not feelin' too well now. I think it's been all the weather changes, plus last night I was going from heat lamps to cold winds in seconds. I also slept a ridiculous amount last night, which always gives me a headache. Just...bleh. Not a good feeling.
But on the upside! It is officially November, which means while I am typing this, I could be typing my NaNoWriMo novel! I know I keep mentioning it, but it's kind of all-consuming in my life right now. I mean, it's a pretty big challenge, plus it's something that I've always wanted to do (write a novel, not attempt an insane challenge). We'll see if I'll fizzle out like so many people do.
Other exciting things:
-Joseph Gordon Levitt hosting SNL on November 21! And if that's not enough to make you excited, you should watch his video where he announces it, because it's so fucking adorable I want to hug him. Among other things.
-WORDsd posted up my NaNoWriMo article. I'm not entirely happy with the headline (though I guess it's semi-pilfered from the subheadline of this blog), but it's still pretty awesome to see I have something that I did online. Oddly, this is the first thing online that has my actual name and picture attached to it - most of my Internet Real Estate is done under my pen name.
-Holiday commercials arise! I do agree it's early, but I can't deny the warm-fuzzies I feel when I see a glittering Christmas tree in the corner. Even if it is for a stupid Glade candle.
PS. No, this blog did not take me an hour and a half to write, I was incredibly distracted watching YouTube videos online.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sounds like a pretty awesome superhero or something, right? I take out all my technology and kill all the ancient, dial-up modem villains! Take that, you dummies who only run on hand-cranked engines!
While at Starbucks today working on my NaNoWriMo sketch, I happened to notice this girl who came in. I admit to initially noticing her because she was kind of dowdy (I was in a Starbucks of upscale clientele). Long, messy, shoved-into-ponytail mouse brown hair; droopy jacket; glasses slipping down her nose.
But here's the real thing that made me look: she was clutching (and yeah, I mean CLUTCHING. Two hands!) a Nintendo DSi about a foot from her face as she walked into the shop. And never put it down, even throughout ordering her pastry. She held it in one hand while fiddling with her wallet to get money.
She sat down in a chair that faced the table I was at, so for her entire Starbucks stay I got to observe the girl I now refer to as "TechieGirl."
Here's why: For the entire duration of our time together, she never put down her DSi. The only time her attention weaned was when her cell phone beeped from a text - which caused her to hold the DSi in one hand, pick up the cell in the other hand, quickly type a response, then put the phone back in her lap and resume her DSi activities. This occurred multiple times; and one phone call took place, but she continued to hold the DSi in one hand. Even when she left to wait outside for her ride, she paced up and down the sidewalk holding the DSi in both her hands.
I just don't get how some people can get so immersed in their technology. To not ever look up or let go of your object?! That's a problem.
I admit that I often have my cell phone within reach. And the entire time I was at Starbucks I had my iPod on in my ears (that was more for me to avoid old high school people who kept coming in), but I looked up. I was aware of my surroundings (seeing as how this entire blog entry revolves around me staring around). I even gave my full attention to the barista when placing my order! I don't need certain technologies around me ALL THE TIME.
It's sad. It's a bad, bad sign for the future.
(On a different note, there was an old man who hid his pack of cigarettes in his sock. Shifty.)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
In addition to it being my brother's birthday weekend (and therefore filled with unavoidable activities), my laptop decided not to work, my iPod Touch decided it didn't want to connect to Wi-Fi, and my car decided it would rather be used by other family members.
(If you didn't get that last reason, it meant I couldn't drive to anywhere that had internet.)
Not much interesting going on, anyway. Aside from the brother's birthday. Who knew we could shove 15 people into our small living room? Thank God for boys not minding sitting on the floor. It was a pretty good time. Can't get much better than a good group playing Taboo. Especially since our version of the game is ancient. I guess I can't blame the makers of the game for having a card that reads Bill Clinton and DOESN'T have Monica Lewinsky on the banned words. Nobody really saw that one coming.
Since I haven't driven in over...2 days...I'm going to go take a drive. And probably end up at some place of shopping and spend money I shouldn't on items I don't really need. Happy Tuesday!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I'm kind of a closet-writer. Isn't that weird? Especially since everyone knows me as the writer girl and I majored in journalism.
But here's what I mean.
Nobody really knows I write. Plenty of people know I write articles and whatnot, but nobody knows what else I write. Very few have read my poetry, and next to no one has read my fiction.
Ok, wait; amendment: I'm a writer whose work is closeted.
It's not that people don't know I write. It's just that no one SEES what I write. And I don't know why I do that. A lot of the time, I don't want people to read what I write. Which is completely counter-productive, because how am I going to make a living off writing things I don't want anyone to read?! (If anyone figures out how to do that, get at me ASAP.) Barely anyone has every read my articles outside of teachers and people assigned to peer edit. No one has read my fiction. And, more than that, I have barely told anyone the other projects I do because I know people will ask to read, and I don't want them to. Four people know I am participating in NaNoWriMo this year, no one knows of my freelance assignment, and perhaps two people know about my blog (assuming they see who follows them and figure out who I am). Hell, my family doesn't even know about all this.
I'm trying to correct it. If I were gay, I'd be trying to come out. So now, I guess I'm trying to out my writing.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
9:30am: phone alarm rings. "Who the fuck set that?" I think to myself. "Oh right...it was a brief moment of resolve to do something with my day."
9:30:05am: shut off phone alarm. Snuggle with my teddy bear (she's cute, I promise.)
10am: dad yells at me.
10:00:01-10:00:15: ignore dad.
11am: grumble. Think I should probably do something with my life. Ignore thoughts.
11:10am: give in to the inner voice.
11:15am: Really. This time I give in to the voice telling me to get up.
11:20am: Ok. Up for real this time.
11:30am: Stumble out of bed.
11:45am: Kitchen to grab food.
12:30pm: Finally figure out what food to eat. Proceed to forget as I am distracted by internetz.
1pm: Oh right. Food. That's why stomach won't stop making noise.
1:30pm: Wash dishes. YES, something responsible for the day done!
1:40pm: Now what?
1:40pm-8pm: These hours don't exist. I have no recollection what I do during this time, except that nothing comes out of it.
8pm: Watch So You Think You Can Dance. Revealing the Top 20 tonight!
9pm: Watch GLEE!!!! (this is obviously a Wednesday.)
9:40pm: Inevitable phone call from friend attempting to make connection. Ignored. Will Schuester is too important to me.
10pm: Watch Top Chef: Las Vegas and remember I haven't eaten dinner yet. Again, I am distracted.
11:15pm: Wonder why Top Chef ends at such a weird hour. Realize food has not been consumed. Grab small and inevitably unhealthy snack food item, pretend it's fine as a substitute for dinner.
11:30pm: Stomach grumbles. Fuck, I should have eaten.
11:45pm: Ignore dad telling me to grab apple. Prepare full meal.
Midnight: Shit. Shouldn't have eaten all that, going to be awake for hours.
12:02am: Realize it doesn't matter how much I ate or how long I'll be awake. I have zero to do tomorrow.
12:30am: Say I'm going to go to sleep. Go to room. Grab iPod Touch, which conveniently has internet access on it.
3am: Turn off iPod Touch. Dammit.
3:01am: Set phone alarm for 9:30am. I WILL be productive tomorrow. i WILL!
3:03am: Turn on iPod Touch. I've just remembered something that just HAS to be checked tonight.
4:30am: Fall asleep with iPod Touch still in my hand.
9:30am: Fuck this alarm. Snooze.
It's quite fulfilling.
(PS. SOMEONE GIVE ME A JOB, I'M DYING HERE.)
I thought I'd give another shot at the blogging thing - I used to keep one my first year of college (way back in 2005...oh dear), but deleted it after it was creating drama with my dorm room and sucking up too much time. Please note the order I wrote those reasons in. But seriously, I enjoy it, but at the time I think I was using it more as my diary/rant journal. And let's face it: as honest as honesty is, there are some things just not meant to be out for the world to see.
But here I am, four and a half years later, starting this up again. I do have other, private blogs, but that's mostly for the inspirational purposes that very few people know about. Plus, my actual name isn't even attached to that blog - so maybe you have stumbled upon it and have no idea! If this makes sense to you, then you have definitely found my other piece of Cyber Real Estate: i'm a tumblin' on the French side of 'you must suffer to be beautiful'.
Enough cryptics (I think I just noun-ed an adjective). Can I just tell you how hard it was for me to figure out my URL address and the title of my blog?! At first I was going to have it say "Down the Rabbit Hole" in the amazing reference to the amazing Lewis Carroll and his Adventures of Alice in Wonderland. But then...I just like that line, it doesn't really mean anything to me. So then I was debating having the web address be "Not A Love Story," but that just sets the wrong tone for this. I'm kind of a downer at times, but I'm no cynic.
And then I remembered this fateful line in Romeo & Juliet by the ever-and-overly-quoted Shakespeare:
Romeo: Is love a tender thing? it is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn
Perhaps one of my favourite quotes about love. It's so accurate, n'est-ce pas?! Especially with Mercutio's lines that follow. Love is tough, but dammit make it tough for love to be that way.
And thus, the perfect embodiment of this blog. I'll probably bitch and moan, complain and whine a lot, and I'll review a few things like products or movies or events, and I may even write profound things (don't hold your breathe for that one though)...but it's all in the name of love, and being tough, and in tough love.
(I also decided to name the actual blog "This Is Not A Love Story" because...it's not. My life is not a love story, nor do I hope it ever is. It's so much more.)