Somehow I knew it wouldn't last.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Source Unknown
So there was this guy.

It was never a relationship thing, always a friendship - and a pretty close one. We got along well, we fought in that i'll-always-love-you-BUTYOU'REWRONGDAMMIT! kind of way.  People mistook us for a couple sometimes, which skeeved me out because it was so far from that. It was a gradual friendship because of our circumstance (which I can't tell you, as it'll be particularly specific and if he were to ever stumble upon this, he'd know it was him in a *snap); we started out as acquaintances, which eventually morphed into more.

I didn't always like him, mind you. We're very different people: me a goody-two-shoes type, he the type that college experiences were based off.  He's done everything I've ever said I'd never do.  He's also one of those passionate people who will argue the death out of anything no matter if you're agreeing with him or not. I am not the argumentative type, as anyone who knows me (or barely knows me) could tell you.  Half the time I wondered if I liked him as a person, even respected him, because our differing views on several things are the type that started revolutions (seriously).  

And yet, we were friends. We didn't have a choice in how much time we spent together, and at least 40 hours a week together kind of forces something resembling a friendship.

So eventually, that's what we had. We started going out together, mixing our friends together and hitting the bars/clubs and going on weekend trips with friends and hanging out at his place.  There was a week where I saw him a good 150 hours (which is 168 hours, FYI) - no exaggeration. Texts were sent, calls were made - and not always because we had to.  There was some drama, there was some making up, there were some silences that meant anger and silences that meant comfort.

Then our circumstance changed, and we didn't need to see each other 40 hours a week; or even at all, really.  We had to communicate, but technology could span that.  And it seemed apparent that our friendship wasn't as strong as I'd thought.  We didn't talk as much, I didn't hear from him, we didn't go out on the weekend or after hours.  When we occasionally were together we'd fall back into our routine and it'd be as easy as nothing. He'd tell me to hang out with him, he'd say he wanted to see me, he'd asked me to friends' parties or gatherings.  And so I ignored that little nagging feeling.

Then the circumstance drastically changed: we didn't even need to communicate anymore.  I was no longer a part of what kept us together, and his role had changed anyway.  I didn't hear from him for 2 weeks.  I finally asked him to join my friends and me on a night out, in which case he insisted I meet up with him as he'd already been out; so we did - and then when our friends were chatting, they all invited us to a party they were having the next day.  So we went. And then I didn't hear from him again, until 2 weeks later when there was a function we were both required to be at.  And it was easy again, and simple and we were who we always were.

For a long time, I'd been feeling like I was making all the effort.  I was the one who had to always invite him places, I was the one who had to always call him or tell him where I was.  In which case, most of the time he'd tell me where he was, and if I wanted to see him I had to go to him.  I didn't really think much of it, but once I took a step back and started seeing it...I couldn't ignore it anymore.  He never, ever initiated anything.  And when he claimed he had, it was always a "why don't we hang out anymore??  hit me up!" which is just a stupid manipulative way of making it seem like he cares but is, in fact, asking you to chase him.

The last time we spoke, I told him I'd be in his area the next day and I wanted to grab lunch with him around 1pm.  He said definitely.  I ran my errands, went to my appointments, turned down a friend because I had plans with this guy.  I called him by 12:45 - no answer.  Again at 1 - no answer.  Again at 1:10, because I was on a schedule - no answer.  By 1:30, I'd moved onto a different errand and skipped lunch, thinking we'd go later.  I was getting agitated, as I had to be back in my area by 3 and time was running out.

Finally at 2, he texted me.
      Hey. Sorry I missed your calls, I was at the gym. What's up?
      So, are we doing lunch?
      I have work to do, actually.  Gotta be at my place.
      Oh...ok...
      Besides, I ate before the gym.
      Didn't we make plans for lunch around 1?
      Yeah, but I wanted to go to the gym. And I was hungry.
      It couldn't have waited?
      I guess so.  But I was hungry. And now I have to work.
      You couldn't have called me earlier to bump up the time?
      I didn't think about it.

And I made the choice at that moment to never initiate anything with him again.


It's been 5 weeks.  And so far, I don't regret it.  It's been a bit weird.  Having a friend that was a constant to be...nothing. I still feel a bit odd when I go out and don't text him, or when I'm making plans and don't let him know.  But all it's proven to me is that I made the right choice, because I haven't heard a peep out of him since.  This guy, who was always telling me how much I meant to him, and pleading with me to help him out, and always telling me he wanted to see me hasn't made any sort of contact in 35 days.  Which was spurred by him blowing me off completely without even a second thought.

It kind of sucks, I won't lie about that. I enjoyed his company most times, and our friends hung out together. Without him, my usual Night Out Group went from 11 to 4.  It's been an adjustment.

But I accept this change in status. Because I don't need to feel like I'm putting in 100% effort for 0% return. Because I know I matter, that I'm a friend who tries - and it isn't fair to get nothing back.  If he doesn't think I'm a worthy friend to call, then...I won't be.

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I'm fairly obsessed with penguins, Peanuts (the comic), and the TV show Friends. Parentheses may or may not be (over)used in this blog, and books will pretty much be the only thing I ever talk about because they are my One True Love.

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