If I was in Miss America...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

First, I can't stand beauty pageants. I find them archaic and a big fat joke, really. There are better, more productive ways to earn a scholarship if that's what you're really after - let's face it, the entire thing is a ginormous fashion show with horrible models, brown nosing, and little fashion anyway.  Sure, maybe the girls all really do great philanthropic activities and aspire to change the world - that's great! Go right ahead! But everything in the pageant is so fabricated and vapid that it completely negates any sort of validity it could offer.

And yet. Saturday night, I found the Miss American pageant on my TV. And though I was building a drawer to hold all my nail polish at the same time (yeah, it's gotten to the point my polish collection needs its own furniture. I don't want to talk about it), I was actually watching the pageant.

Hated it.  Miss Wisconsin? REALLY?! I mean, she was fine, one of the lesser evils. But I totally thought it was going to be Miss Oklahoma.

Anyway.  So even though I can't stand the pageant, I watched it anyway. And while cringing through that one girl's rendition of You Raise Me Up (Josh Groban, I really hope you weren't watching that), I started to wonder what I would do, say and wear if the universe ever inverted and I find myself in it.

Pageant Ashley

Entry outfit as Miss California
"From the land where gold was first discovered, our weather, Hollywood and beautiful resources keep the shine going.
 I am your Miss California."

Swimsuit

Talent
I have no idea what I'd do since everything I do isn't quite show-y (reading, typing, reporting, etc.) so I'd flub it a bit and probably do spoken word or a reading of a poem. Best I can do.
(And this way I can wear a stunning dress!)

Evening Gown

Interview Question Outfit
(ok probably not quite as sheer, but you know.)


And if I could get away with it, I'd shove this in there somewhere, too. 
Probably what I'd wear when I'm crowned Miss America!
(Hey, if the world is insane enough where I'm in a pageant, I might as well take it full circle and win it!)

2 comments:

Melissa January 15, 2012 at 9:32 PM  

This post is too much fun!

Hey, have you read Beauty Queens by Libba Bray? This post made me think of that book -- I just did it on audio a few months ago and I think it might be my pick for best book of 2011!

Sara January 17, 2012 at 12:41 PM  

This is such a fun idea. I think with those dresses, in this wonderful imaginary universe, you would so win.

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I'm fairly obsessed with penguins, Peanuts (the comic), and the TV show Friends. Parentheses may or may not be (over)used in this blog, and books will pretty much be the only thing I ever talk about because they are my One True Love.

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