Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Dear asshole who did not say "thank you" when that nice patron held open the door for you,
You're a douchebag. It is not an obligation to hold open a door for someone, but it is good manners. In that same vain, it is polite to say "thank you" when it is done for you. Do not act as though you deserve to have that door opened for you, because quite obviously you do not. You have two very capable hands and feet, as evidenced by the big fat bags of Panera food you carry in your pudgy hands and the feet you walked through the door on. If you have enough time to come into Panera during the end of the lunch rush, you certainly have enough time to say a measly show of gratitude to someone nice enough to extend manners to you.
In conclusion, you're a big fat ungrateful blowhard.
Hoping a door hits you on the ass,
Dear every other person I have seen come into Panera today,
Thank you for being considerate enough to hold open doors for other people, or say thank you to those who have done this nice deed for you. It is very heartwarming to see that manners do, in fact, still exist somewhere. A special shout-out to the man who held the door open for the stream of 6 people, as well as the three straggling women who were still crossing the street while you were at the door. I especially loved when you were leaving and let the door fall, only to quickly glance behind you and dash back to the door to hold it open for the two women leaving who were carrying baby carriers. I hope you have a merry holiday, and only wish I could have given you something for being such a well-mannered man. If there is a next time I see you, I promise to buy you a bagel.
With love and affection,