Wherein I quote a Demi Lovato song and relate it to my life.

Pon & Zi

I haven't made it a secret that I am a closet Demi Lovato fan.  I don't scream it from the top of the mountain, but...I mean...it's there.  I own her albums. I sing her songs in my car like you. would. not. BELIEVE.  I get she is (was?) Disney, she's had her shit going on and hitting the metaphorical fan and all that, I've even admitted that she's pitchy and not-so-great live (because yes, I have seen her in concert).  And yes, I do have her new album UnBroken, that was just released Tuesday.  I may have even downloaded the leak a week ago, eagerly.

Moving along.

She has this new song on her album called Lightweight.  And I mean...it's just one of those cosmic things where you're sitting by your lonesome, contemplating how emotionally drained you feel and the shitty situations you find yourself in, and basically being a big fat downer - when suddenly you hear a song, and it just fits.  It's like it's reading your heart, pulling your feelings into words.

And I'm only slightly ashamed to admit it's a cheesy pop song in my heart.

     I'm a lightweight better be careful what you say
       With every word I'm blown away
       You're in control of my heart
       I'm a lightweight easy to fall easy to break
       With every move my whole world shakes


I am a romantic. For some reason I don't really like admitting it, but it's true: give me a dozen roses, write me a poem, stand outside my window with a boom box over your head and I am yours, forever.  Kiss me on the forehead, even just tap the inside of my wrist and my heart will probably flip three times over.

The problem is that I am a romantic about everything, to anyone.  It could be a friend, it could be an innocent move, and it will make me fall just a little in love with you.  In college, a friend waited outside a classroom for me to finish my chat with our professor so we could walk to our next building together - and I fell a little in love.  A different friend held back the group we were going to dinner with at the Commons by 15 minutes to accommodate my 6:30pm registration time, without me even asking -- and I fell in love.  Another friend told me he likes the books I recommend - and it's love all over again.

So imagine how deep it goes when it's someone I am interested in who does something like that for me.  It's just game over at that point - I am yours, forever, for always, with everything I have.  I'm a big flirt, but underneath it all, my heart is just hoping to pieces that something he's said is real.  That we'll lock eyes and one of those moments will happen where we just know our lives are meant to be intertwined somehow.

And I fear that this happened with someone, but it was all just...me falling too hard, too fast, too easily.  It's that situation where I know he was meant to be Someone in my life.  It was too immediate when we met for me to ignore it.  But then...it all just went to shit.  We immediately got along.  We started flirting.  We joked and laughed and shared interests and argued intelligently and it was like I found a piece of a puzzle I didn't even know I was a part of.

But for some reason, it's not fitting right now.  I don't know if it ever will, but all I know is I keep trying to put it together, and it's just bending and breaking me.  Every now and again he'll give a little hope that he is a match, that we'll fit just-so...but it still doesn't quite look right.  And eventually, we'll try so hard and fail so much it will all fracture and fade away.

I'm a lightweight, easy to fall and easy to break...