December 26...is it really all over?

I think the most depressing thing about Christmas is when you turn on the radio the day after and it's back to regular music :(  No more Christmas carols.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday! Mine was stressful and rushed and a bit exhausting, but definitely one of the better ones in my recent memory.  Spent Christmas Eve last minute wrapping gifts and then went down to South Bay to have our Annual celebration with all the family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, lolas, lolos...it's always a chaotic mess. But one I love deeply.

Christmas was wonderful for me, the family had a really great day together - which has been increasingly rare unfortunately, so it's like the day was a special treat. We all woke up on our own time and had a relaxed morning; opened gifts at noon; went to Denny's for a late brunch; ran around to different grocery stores to grab last minute forgotten ingredients; and spent the rest of the evening cooking, napping, and watching X-Men: First Class (amazing movie, sad I didn't see it sooner!).

Nothing spectacular, but still lovely. I mean, something happened at brunch that had us literally laughing until tears came out our eyes for minutes - that's a wonderful feeling.

This week gets to be spent doing a little Winter cleaning, celebrating my mom's birthday, and figuring out New Year's Eve plans! I'm also working on some changes here and on the debut of my book blog, all of which will hopefully happen on January 1.  Oooooo...

I didn't take many photos this holiday, but I leave you with some lingering holiday cheer.

Mom's M&M tree :) We didn't put up all the ornaments this year.

How cute is that snowman decal on my Sprinkles cupcake?!
(And it was a free cupcake, which makes it all the better!)

The aftermath of gift opening. We're a surprisingly organized unwrapping family.

Our tree :)

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Five Things Lists to get to know me.

FIVE THINGS...

#5

...You Don't Know About Me:

1) i am bothered

when people who introduce me say I am from California. Even if I might say it sometimes (it's kind of a spur-of-the-moment decision as to what I'll say when people ask), I don't like the picture people get when they hear it.

2) i gave up singing

because one boy told me I was bad at it.

3) i've never

been on a date. I feel weird being 24 and still saying that, but...it's a truth I have to own. I've gone out plenty of times with guys, just the two of us (and on more than one occasion I've found out after the fact the boy called it a date), but I've never gone through the "will you have dinner with me?" first date kind of conversation and outing.

4) i fear being common.

So many people in my life are so...stellar. Everyone I know shines in some way, whether it's purposeful or not. I know people who have literally changed the world, altered the way a mass group lives; and people who reach stars and shoot for the moon with every second of their being. And I have a crushing fear that I'm just...background. That I'm not like them, that I'm the dullness in their life that just intensifies their shine. It terrifies me that I'll be just another person who takes up space in the world, a copy of a copy of a copy that no one will remember.

5) i went on a 4-day

road trip with 14 friends to Utah and Arizona (Zion National Park, Monument Valley, Antelope Canyon, The Four Corners, Lake Powell, and a friend's farm in Utah) when I was 22 and it is honestly one of the happiest, most in-the-moment times of my entire life. I strive to reach that kind of peace, harmony and satisfaction again. And yes, it was chaotic and complicated and filled with drama, but it all faded to the background once we stood on those cliffs.

...I'm Knowledgeable About:

1) figure skating

When I was 5, I had a poster of Nancy Kerrigan on my wall (Tonya Harding is a bitch). It probably started when I was doing ballet at 4 years old, but I've loved the grace and beauty of figure skating for as long as I can remember. The slice of ice, the glistening and sparkling and flowing costumes, the movement and thrill of programs. I can tell you pretty much everything about the sport, figure skaters, the scoring, anything. (Though I will pause and think when I'm explaining the different types of jumps and all - but I'll get it in the end!)

2) french

I moved to Belgium when I was 4, and I started taking French classes when I started school at age 5. For almost as long as I've known the English language, I've know the French language. Of course since I don't use it every day it's not as strong as it could be, but you could set me down in France or any French-speaking country and I'd survive quite well. I read it as well as English and can understand it almost as well - the speaking I stumble on, but it comes back to me.

3) singing

Even though I stopped it (see previous listing of five), my elementary schools' music programs were phenomenal and I started singing in choirs when I was 12. I also lived with several singers and have singer friends, so I've learned a lot about the technique of it and how to properly control your voice. It's beautiful in a very scientific way as well.

4) computers/technology

My dad worked with computers and security in the military since before I was born, so I've been around them all my life. I started typing at 4 years old (I can consistently type 120+ WPM) and using computers or various technology (tablets, iPads, phones, etc) kind of comes naturally to me. Give me a gadget and an hour, I'll come back to you with instructions.

5) people

My close friends will probably laugh at this, but I'm a quiet person--I don't speak much. And when I do, it's to prompt whoever I'm speaking with. Between how much I listen and observe and all the journalism and writing training I've done in my life, I've honed intuition and reading people quite well.

...I Know Nothing About:

1) geography

I'm terrible at it. If I haven't been there or seen it on TV, I cannot tell you where it is, the capital of it, or what rivers surround it. Also, please don't ever ask me where a certain mountain/range is. I have absolutely no idea.

2) cars

Again, absolutely clueless. I barely remember the make and model of my own well-loved vehicle, there's no way I understand the mechanics of it.

3) statistics (the mathematical sense)

Probability and all that simply do not make sense to me. I've been forced through various lessons of it, but I still cannot grasp any of the concepts. It is seriously like looking at Japanese characters to me. This is also the reason I ended up in AP Calculus in high school: if you didn't take the AP track, you had to take Stats - so I powered through all the Honors Algebra, Honors Geometry, Honors Pre-Calc, Trig, and AP Calc just to avoid Stats.

4) make-up

If it's not eyeliner or mascara, I'm lost. I don't wear anything other than eye makeup (don't even own it). How does anyone make sense of powders and matte and liquid make up and bases and foundation and concealer and all that junk?!

5) filipino culture

I may be it on the outside, and on occasion I'll spit out a few Tagalog words since my parents used them in my childhood, but I have absolutely no sense of it otherwise. I'm American (though Europe/Military-raised)-born and know only what it is to be American. I have zero clue the traditions, beliefs, history, anything to do with the Philippines and its people.

...I Believe In:

1) angels

I can't explain this one. I just do.

2) power of positive thinking

Because positivity will eventually lead to believing and believing leads to working hard and earning it. And if it doesn't in the end, then see the next item.

3) all things happen for a reason

No matter how crappy or hard my life has gotten, I've also always gotten through with whatever sort of lesson I'm meant to learn. You go through the worst to recognize the best, and you are given the best as a reward for being who you are. Whatever happens is meant to.

4) my brother

All his life he's been the kid whose teachers say "he has so much potential, he just doesn't get there...yet."  And I take faith in that 'yet.' He's destined to be something great, and there's so much he has to offer the world. It's taking him awhile, but...he'll get there. I know he will.

5) the limitlessness of book and words

When you think about it, there are only a finite amount of letters/characters in the world--so in theory, there is actually a limit of how many words/sentences/syllables/sounds we can make and their literal meanings. But that's just so untrue, and anyone who has ever been moved by another person or book or song can attest to that. There's something so powerful and soul-reaching in just the right sequence of words with just the right tone or mood, it's impossible to deny the magic and potential they all possess.

 

This post was written for Mama Kat's Workshop.

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Why're You Smiling Friday

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One of the radio station morning shows here has a segment called "Why Are You Smiling Friday," and I find that I really like listening to it.  You can't help but smile along with everyone, especially when its a 10 year old kid calling in saying he's smiling because he's going to school and he loves math.  Or when this little girl said she was getting to go to a friend's house and play dolls.

So, because I've had a shit-tacular week, and I'm either hungover or just badly reacting to lots of alcohol + no sleep, I figured I may as well do mine, too!

Why I'm Smiling This Friday

1. The sun is out. It's been a particularly rainy season (for San Diego...), and it is glorious having it back to it's 80* weather.
2. I love my new scarf.
3. I have a super awesome moleskin notebook and it makes me feel old and wise.  Even though all I do is whine about drama and my life in it.
4. Last night started out weird and pretty bummy what with our plans getting screwed up since Eden was closed, but it turned out really fun.  I got to see a friend I haven't seen in awhile and go to some really chill bars.
5. I got to see one of the boys I'm crushin' on.  And while it's not a crush that will actually lead to something, and it's a pretty pointless thing...I can't stop smiling.
6. Dancing. Lots of dancing. Which I'm always down with, but this was particularly a stand out because...Crush (I've got to figure out a better code name for him...where's my 13-year-old-self when I need her?) isn't exactly the best dancer, and he gets incredibly awkward about it when he's really sober. So...let's just say he was not sober. And it was hilarious and adorable and awesome and dirty and naughty and YEAH I SAID IT.
7. Ashley sandwich. That was a rough ride.
8. I seriously have one of the best friend's ever. Kathy's been in my life for 12 years now, but every day it gets more and more evident how much of a rock she is and how amazing and beautiful she is.  She listens and advises and helps me.  And in return, she lets me ask and be her friend. It's one of those friendships that has meaning, and I sincerely hope I never take it for granted.
9. It's kind of nice to feel giddy. Even though I'm fairly certain my heart is going to break eventually, it's still a fuzzy feeling knowing that there's someone I'm excited about.
10. I have legitimate plans this weekend.  Nothing crazy, but some good times with good people. Hurrah!

Happy Weekend, all!

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So, Madonna and I could totally be like, SISTERS...

Last month, a lovely blogger I follow did this thing about loving her body, and it got me thinking about my body and if I love it and if I do why do I keep feeding it the worst crap you could put into it and why do I let cuts go untreated like the bloody papercut I got on my middle finger the other day and still stings like a BEAST.

Well...first, because it's a papercut, and what can I really do about that?

And second, Chipotle is just so damn good.

Anyway.  I'm not even going to get into all my body issues (which are, thankfully, much less today than they used to be); and I am sure as hellzzzz not going to post photos as the brave Jayka and all those preceding her did.  Firstly, because I will break my camera doing that.  Secondly, I will break my computer pulling that up.  Thirdly, I will break all my readers' faces if they see it.

Or it's because I'm too lazy and I don't feel like fiddling to get a semi-decent picture of my nails.  Whichever.

For those who didn't see the post, part of it was taking pictures of 5 features on her body that she liked.  The entire moral and thought behind this blog "meme" (it's not really a meme but I don't know what else to call it) is something I strongly support.  As a woman girl young lady (I'm not a girl, not yet a woman...), I understand the pressures of looking certain ways, wearing certain things, making sure certain things don't spill out or spill over or stay put.  Hell, I think anyone just as a human in society can understand that.

I'm not going to do 5 things, but there is one thing about my body I'm going to talk about: my teeth.

Specifically, my two front teeth (all I want for Christmas is...except I do have them, FYI.)

The thing is, I have a gap in my front teeth.  Not Vanessa Paradis-style or Mike Tyson-like or Anna Paquin even.  I guess Madonna, but maybe not as much.  But it is a gap, and it is there, and you can see it in most of my pictures.  I'm kind of lucky in that somehow, not many people notice it--real life or pictures.  My bottom lip tends to cover part of my front teeth when I smile, so it blends it out or something.  I don't know.

Anyway.  Before people ask, yes, I have had braces.  For three torturous years, and of course during the end of my high school career; so every prom picture, every grad photo, every celebratory snapshot is me rockin' that silver smile.  When I got my braces off (mercifully a month before I started college), my teeth were straight.  But I didn't wear my retainers as much as I should have -- they hurt, ok?!  they weren't the normal metal wire retainers! -- and eventually my teeth shifted.  They're not as bad as they used to be, but they're still not directly straight.

People have asked me if I wanted to get it fixed.  And not just my dental hygienist, regular people and friends and once this very odd man at the shop I was in.

That was a weird day.

I get it, ok?  Some people are really averse to awkward teeth.  I'm not saying I don't get a shiver every time Kirsten Dunst smiles or my eye doesn't twitch when Steve Buscemi shows that tooth.  There's something oddly beautiful about a pair of straight, white, normal sized teeth (I'm looking at you, Hilary Duff and those horrible veneers).  But I don't hold it against anyone when they don't have perfect teeth.  I still watch Kirsten Dunst movies (that is an entire other issue we will not discuss), I think Steve Buscemi is actually one of the best actors I've seen, and I'm glad Hilary Duff made relatively something of herself beyond Lizzie McGuire.

The thing is, I like my gap.  I really like it, actually.  It's just another thing that's off about my face and I think it somehow adds character.  Maybe I'm wrong about that, but does it really matter?  It's what I believe.  I always liked the gap, and I remember being slightly sad when I learned the braces would get rid of it.

Guess I won that battle, huh?

I understand that it is a turn-off to some people.  I've seen people literally grimace when I smile and they see my teeth (at least, I think it's because of the gap...hmm...perhaps should think this out a bit better...), and fine, I'm not going to fault you for thinking a gap-toothed smile is unattractive.  We all have our superficial standards.  I mean, I will most likely not want to date you if you're blond, but I'm nice enough to overlook that. You're welcome.

But really, if you're going to use my gap-toothed smile as the reason you don't want to throw out a friendship line for me, I don't want to be your friend/girlfriend/lover/anything.  Because if you're not going to make the effort to love me in spite of a gap in my front teeth, I am damn well willing to bet you will not make the effort to love me in spite of all my other numerous faults--the ones that matter, that make a difference.

In conclusion of this rambling mess: I have a gap in my front teeth. And it's not going anywhere.  Go ahead and hate it, but don't hate me for it.

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Today is a good day.

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It didn't begin too well with that dream, and a bit of a slow start, but in the end...there were a lot of little good things.  And sometimes, those count so much more.

- So losing one hour blows with the Daylight Savings Time and all, but it's 6pm and the sun is still out shiny and bright.  It's really nice.
- I got to go outside in a light jacket and a dress.  No massive coats, no tights, no heavy scarf, no socks under my boots.
- I woke up at 8:30am.  Which normally wouldn't be a good thing since I didn't go to bed until close to 6am, but it's nice to wake up and have a full day left to fill with anything.
- While in Michael's Craft Store purchasing paints and canvas, the cashier gave me the 40% discount even though I forgot my coupon.
- Got an ice blended drink from Coffee Bean, which reminds me so much of summer months its is ridiculous.
- While in Coffee Bean, one of the baristas was incredibly cute.  And he actually looked me in the eye and smiled, rather than just shoving the drink across the counter and turning away like most of them tend to do.
- I spent an hour in Barnes & Noble just walking and looking at books.  Books make me happy.
- I also spent about half an hour in Borders, resulting in my possession of a new Jane Austen.
- Both bookstores were crowded enough to not be bothered by employees, but not crowded enough to be cramped and annoying.
- New notebook!  Which also means my first steps towards this sonnet project I have forming in my head.
- The most pleasant little tweeny girl held a door open for me and was incredibly amiable.  It's nice to see the younger generation still has some positivity in them.
- A good singing, senseless song came on in the car while I was driving.  You can't help but feel good belting out a ridiculous song with the sun shining and minimal traffic on the road.
- I am about a week away from getting my hands on a book I've wanted to read for months.  C'mon, library holds and person who checked out Pride and Prejudice and Zombies!

and the best part?  It's only 6:15pm, I have about 8 hours left in my day...there's so much more happy to be done.

What made you smile today?


(aaaand END steaming pile of sickeningly happy positivity!  These moods are rare for me, I have to grab 'em while I can.)

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