If You Really Knew Me...

So, anyone else watch this MTV show "If You Really Knew Me..."?  I still can't quite figure out how scripted it is, how edited down and shaped it is, but I'll take it at face value.

For those who don't know what it is, it's marketed as a real life "Breakfast Club" (which I have to say kiiiiiiiind of offends me).  Each episode focuses on one high school and follows 5 kids who are all from different "cliques": jock, loner, band geek, cheerleader, etc.  These kids go through "Challenge Day," an in-school seminar that focuses on getting to know your peers, getting you to open up and discover who someone is.  A small section is when they put about 8 students together into a group and are supposed to finish the sentence "If you really knew me, you would know..."  The kids open up, some choosing to come out as homosexuals, some revealing they are self-abusers (cutters), some telling how lost they are, even the star-quarterback admitting he doesn't actually like football.

Regardless of how altered the show is, it is still a relatively good message.  You simply never know the story, the life of anyone around you. The person you walk past could be suffering, may have a broken home, may be considering suicide. The person you walk past may have just had a racist act committed against them, may feel guilty for something they had, is somehow unsatisfied with their life. You simply never know.

The universal sign for "I Love You." 
The show uses this during their Challenge Day seminar to express support.

We did something similar to this in my high school.  It was really early into high school, and I'm not sure how much of it was to overcome barriers so much as to simply get everyone to know each other.  Whatever the goal, it did have an impact on me, even then.  I was partnered with a guy I've mentioned on this blog before, Cook.  He's a stoner through-and-through, having been coming off a high when we were doing the activity.  It was odd and surreal and to my 9th grade brain I was utterly confused about the situation, but I still remember a fondness that overtook me about him after he told me a few things about who he is.  When someone exposes parts of your life that you know most others aren't privy to, a certain caring is instilled regardless if you want it or not.  And to this day, that fondness for him is still there; even though I do not approve his drug use at all, even though we don't talk anymore and rarely talked after that day, even though he chooses to smell roses in the field rather than get the baseball and I get traumatized as a result.

It's said often, but the lesson always bears repeating.  Don't judge others, because you never really know what they're going through or who they are.

If you really knew me...

....you'd know I feel much more than I let on.

....you'd know I don't let myself love anyone because I'm too broken to try.

....you'd know that I constantly feel disappointed in myself.

1/2

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Things I've Learned (or had reaffirmed) After Going to the Bars With Friends

Image source unknown, no matter how much I try through TinEye.

1) Being the Ugly One Is Not Necessarily A Bad Thing.  I don't mean this in a fishing-for-compliments way, nor in a woe-is-me-I'm-a-horrid-witch.  I'm...you know...cute enough.  It's not about me being unattractive, it's the fact that my friends are freakin' hot. F'realz, my friends are the kind that stop men in their tracks, that make men flirt with them while holding hands with another girl (true story. on multiple occasions), that make men spend dozens of dollars on drinks in the hopes of a dance.  So yeah, being the "ugly" one was kind of nice, since I didn't have to worry so much about the guys hitting on me.  There were still a few, but definitely not as many guys as my friends had to deal with.

2) Douchebags Congregate.  It's not like I expect to find topnotch men in bars, but I swear to God a drop of alcohol and assholes in the vicinity just exacerbates all that is wrong with the male population.  At the suggestion of one of the boys in our group (who claimed "No, I go to Bar West all the time, the guys don't act horrible there"), we trekked on over--not even 5 minutes into it, I'd had some guy full-on grab my ass, another one very purposefully rub against my boobs, and three guys say "hey girl, what's your name?".  And like I said, I'm not even the pretty one of my group! Due to bathroom trips and ordering drinks, we ended up staying there for about half an hour; in which I cannot even count the amount of times I was asked to dance or approached or in some way, shape or form hit on.  And normally I'm ok with some flirting, I'm awkwardly flattered and all, but this?  Too. Much.

3) People Still Get Hyped For A Song Even If It Was Played 3 Songs Earlier. The next DJ who plays anything by that sorry-excuse-for-music Kesha (NO I WILL NOT PUT THAT DAMN DOLLAR SIGN) or Katy Perry's wreck of a California Gurls (WHO THE HELL HERE WEARS DAISY DUKES?!) within 2 songs of each other may find their precious little Macbook doused accidentally by my drink.

4) It Is Possible To Go 23 Years Without Ever Ordering A Drink.  Because it's true; I've never, ever ordered a drink at a bar.  But every time I've gone out, I have (a) drink(s).  Thanks go to my friends, my friend's boyfriends, and general boys in bars.

5) Even On A Saturday At One of the Busiest Streets in SD, A Bar Can Close At Midnight.  But I cannot, for the life of me, explain why.

6) The Following Outfits/Items Can Be Worn By Men and the Wearer Will Still Get Action: a kilt, nerd-like accessories (suspenders, plaid high-waters worn Urkel-style, and thick-rimmed glasses--all at once), a bright pink fedora, a cross necklace larger than my hand, a button-down shirt with a tie on top of board shorts and sandals, a pinstriped black vest with a large graphic of wings and a naked lady printed on the back, and a shirt with the collar popped so high it covers your nose.

7) And even after all this, all the inappropriate men and the yelling of friends and near-fights at bars and ridiculous cover amounts and having to use the boys bathroom since the girls line is too long and you'll simply never be able to unsee what was left on the urinal...I'll still have an incredibly awesome and entertaining time.

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Optimism and some filling in of blanks!

Well...that last post was a bit of a meltdown, wasn't it?  It's just been one of those weeks where things go up and down at the blink of an eye, and you can never catch up.  I went to the beach yesterday with one of my best friends, and there's nothing better than a little clarity through relaxation.  You can't hate life when you've found this small, semi-unknown stretch of beach and are laying out with a friend beside you, the sun warming you down and the water a most refreshing cool.  Watching people toss a football, surf the small waves, kids build sandcastles and dig holes...life can't be terrible, right?

Anyhow, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I am celebrating that same best friend's birthday with a night on the town, and I'm excited to see what kind of entertainment we'll stumble upon.  Now, for fill-in-the-blank Friday!  Go here and link up if you participate, too.

1.  A very nostalgic place that reminds me of being a kid is at a park, specifically one with ducks to feed.  The Woluwe Park in Belgium was literally down the street from my house and we used to walk there all the time to feed the ducks, have picnics, ride bikes and play frisbee.  I loved it, and I miss that park.

2.  If someone really wants to show me how much they love me they'll spend time with me, and not get offended when I don't want to spend time with them.  There are times when I need to be by myself, and I appreciate it when people can understand and support it.

3.  Lately I've been wondering a lot about life.  In general.  Sigh...so existentialist angsty.

4.  When it comes to saving money I am not terrible actually.  There are times when I do spend too much or I'll buy something I don't need, but I'm pretty good about saving paychecks and whatnot.

5.  I'd prefer hot chocolate on a cold night over ice cold water on a hot day any day!

6.  I wish I knew how to make jewelry.  I'm such a sucker for beautiful necklaces and rings, it's probably my one weakness in terms of shopping & money.

7.  I'm just waiting for this stupid stupid weather to pass.  I left my suburb at 96 degrees blazing, went to the beach for perfect 89 degree sunshine, then a cloud passed over and it became 92 degree rain, thunder, lightning and several wild fires.  San Diego feels like the apocalypse (presumably, anyway) right now.

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