Ten on Tuesday! Volume...um...18? Something like that.

1. Pretend it’s Monday morning–take us through a day in the life of you.
8:08; 8:21; 8:28; 8:30: alarm rings, promptly hit snooze
8:36: grumble and get up. Commence morning routine (in order: pee, brush hair, brush teeth, wash face, prepare lunch, eat breakfast, change out of pjs, moisturize/make-up face, pack bag to go, make bed)
9:15: drive to work. Usually arrive 15-20 minutes early. Sit in car like a loser.
10-5: work. Lots of spreadsheets, lots of accounts, lots of breaks to play with the resident office doggies.
5:01: drive back home
5:36: walk through front door; promptly announce how tired I am.
5:37-7:30: make nuisance of self, probably annoy family/friends as I recount the work day
7:30-8: Jeopardy!
8-11:30pm: dinner, TV and/or read
11:30: consider sleeping. Convince self I should, go to room and pop in movie "to fall asleep to."
11:37: "Damn this movie just got interesting!"
1:15am: "Shit where did time go?! I should be sleeping!"
1:16am: Commence night routine (in order: brush teeth, wash face, change into pjs, put on night moisturizer, braid hair, pee)
1:23am: Get into bed.
1:23:05am: Grab iPod to quickly check emails
2:15am: Dammit. Turn off iPod, go to sleep.

2. What’s your favorite reality tv show?
So You Think You Can Dance or The Biggest Loser. I don't really watch any aside from those.

3. What motto do you live by?
Um...Shit happens. No, just kidding (though that's not bad)...I guess I don't really have a motto? I don't think about it. Know who you are, know what you are, and know that above all, it's ok that you'll never fully know. That pretty much covers it.

4. If you knew you could you try anything and not fail, what dream would you attempt?
I feel as though I should be noble and say "find a cure for all cancers!" or the like--and while that would be lovely, I think it's much more fitting for me to say I'd be an editor for a magazine or be on Broadway.  Any of those will work for me.

5. What was your first job?
Real paying job? American Eagle Sales Associate and Aerie Lead (MOST MISERABLE JOB IN THE WORLD).  Not-really-job-but-gave-me-more-happiness-and-fulfillment-than-"real"-job? When I was 6-9 I used to help my mom at the library desk, checking out books and making recommendations to customers (yep, in all my 7 year old glory I declared Sweet Valley Twins to be like, the best evAR).

6. What is your current job?
Office Assistant at a Financial Analysis company.  More or less.

7. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name (and you cannot pick the one you already have)?
I've always loved the name Zoe.  Ever since I was really little I wished it would be my name (even though I don't really feel as though it's my personality).  But that is why when I wrote under a pen name, it was Zoe.

8. What musical instruments can you play?
If we use the term "play" extremely loosely, I can say the piano and guitar.

9. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
I'm not sure either of those are really easy at all. I rarely forgive; I mostly accept. And I rarely forget; I choose to prioritize.  The easier is determined by the situation.

10. What is one food you’d never want to taste again?
Mushrooms, pickles, peas, pine nuts. Any of those.

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I usually think I'm an easy-going, accepting person, but these are the Non-Negotiables.

 (Meant in the romantic, "sorry, I won't date you if you do this" sense; not the investment banking, business sense)

• No Smoking.  I get that I don't exactly treat my body as a temple, but smoking is something I simply don't understand. It's disgusting and there are far more negatives than positives. With so much evidence to the contrary, why would one continue?! I get the nicotine addiction, but there are other less-destructive ways to get the edge off.  And aside from this debate...smoke actually makes me gag and feel like vomiting. So...Future Man In My Life (FMIML) will not be a smoker.  Ever.
• Support Gay Marriage. Ok, maybe not support, but FMIML cannot be against it. He doesn't have to want it, and I'll even accept indifference. The main point is: he can't outspokenly protest gay marriage. There are few things in this world I will fight for and speak up about, but this is one of them. I believe the right to marriage is one that belongs to humanity as a whole, not to heterosexuality, and I find no solid, legitimate evidence that the LGBT community shouldn't be allowed this. Of course I have other reasons, but that's enough for a Non-Negotiable List.  No H8 or no love from me.
• Interest in travel. Because I am going everywhere I can whenever I can, and I'd like him to come with me sometimes, too.
• Accept my non-religious life. I've always maintained that someone who does have strong religious convictions probably won't want me in the first place so this is a moot point, but I'll list it because it is important. I haven't figured out my beliefs, and I suspect that I never really will. I'm open for discussion, for debate, for the thought and exploration--but I do not stand for someone who punishes me for a difference in belief and/or pushes their faith on me.
• Interest in sports (or will at least fake it on my behalf).  I wouldn't classify myself as athletic and I definitely struggle holding up a conversation that includes sports trivia and current standings, but I love me some football, I like me some baseball, I adore me some Olympics and I play me some tennis.  He doesn't have to talk to me about it, he doesn't have to keep up in it, but I'd appreciate at least accompanying me to some games and not being rude about it. I will make the effort for his interests, so I'd appreciate it back. (And yes, I do know men who have zero interest in sports.  This bullet point is necessary.)

The rest, I suppose, is open for discussion.  What are your non-negotiables?

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[via]

I often wonder what I did to him. What his side of the story was.

I know my side. I relive it often, much more than I want to admit.

But I wonder what I put him through.

Did I make him doubt their relationship? Did I plant a seed of doubt in his head? Her head?

Did it make him feel guilty? Was I an unwanted thought? Am I the person he always tried to get out of his head? Was I the bad dream that haunted him at night?

I wonder what he did with that birthday card I sent him. I wonder how he felt when he received it: was he happy? Did it make him sad? Smile? Was it another weight added to his heart? Did he read it often? Or did he throw it away, no reason to hold onto deadweight? Did he tell his girlfriend about it?

Was I just some silly girl to him, clinging to a person he never was? Was I temptation? Was I another lifeline?  Was I a passing thought?

Late at night, sleeping in the barracks, in the tent, as he and his unit moved from one camp to another...did he think of me?

Did he ever think of me?

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