Monday, August 23, 2010
I often wonder what I did to him. What his side of the story was.
I know my side. I relive it often, much more than I want to admit.
But I wonder what I put him through.
Did I make him doubt their relationship? Did I plant a seed of doubt in his head? Her head?
Did it make him feel guilty? Was I an unwanted thought? Am I the person he always tried to get out of his head? Was I the bad dream that haunted him at night?
I wonder what he did with that birthday card I sent him. I wonder how he felt when he received it: was he happy? Did it make him sad? Smile? Was it another weight added to his heart? Did he read it often? Or did he throw it away, no reason to hold onto deadweight? Did he tell his girlfriend about it?
Was I just some silly girl to him, clinging to a person he never was? Was I temptation? Was I another lifeline? Was I a passing thought?
Late at night, sleeping in the barracks, in the tent, as he and his unit moved from one camp to another...did he think of me?
Did he ever think of me?