The Last Post of 2011

I'm not going to do a 2011 wrap-up (yet...if I can get my shit together maybe I will...), but instead doing a toast to 2011 - a rough year, but one filled with laughter, friendship, a bit of sadness, and unfortunate amount of disappointment, but - most importantly - a hell of a lot of love.

A tribute to the lasts of 2011!

Last meal eaten: paneer tikka masala with garlic naan (it was an Indian night, apparently)

Last purchase: nail polish (how fitting)

Last book read: The Last Little Blue Envelope by Maureen Johnson

Last TV show watched: The Big Bang Theory

Last movie watched: Horrible Bosses (a Christmas gift!)

Last manicure: OPI - Lucerne-tanely Look Marvelous! with China Glaze - Cleopatra over (picture later, as my phone is refusing to email it currently)

And my final playlist of the year!

Gotya feat. Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know

Katy Perry - The One That Got Away

Jessie J - Domino (OBSESSED with this song)

Cee-Lo Green - Bright Lights Bigger City

Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris - We Found Love

fun. feat. Janelle Monae - We Are Young

Happy New Year, everyone!

I hope 2012 is absolutely fabulous!

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Fill-in-the-Blank Friday!

Link up here!

1. New Years is a good motivator for a New Year, New Start. Obviously we don't have to be dictated by an arbitrary date, but it's a good motivator to believe a refreshed calendar can mean a refreshed you.

2. One of my New Year's resolutions will be to exercise. I was doing really, really well before I started my last job - running and tennis. Then I couldn't get a schedule worked out, and it's just...been lost. So, I resolve to get an exercise plan back in place. No pressure about a specific weight or a rigorous regimen: I just need to do it.

3. A New Year's resolution I've made in the past was to finish a novel. I have yet to actually meet that, but I've definitely gotten closer!

4. The most time consuming resolution I ever made was...hmm..I don't think I have one, really. I don't make resolutions often, and when I do, they're not very adventurous or time consuming. Maybe the novelling thing because it takes awhile to do that, but that's a bit of a stretch for the answer.

5. This year I will be spending New Year's Eve hopefully downtown with my best friend and some other friends partying, but seeing as how I've been sick for the past two days it's making it seem like NYE is closer to being spent at home, watching the ball drop on the TV while I suck down saltines and gatorade.

6. If I could wish one thing for my new year it would be to commit more. I'm such a flake on so many different aspects of my life, and I sincerely hope to curb that. It's not healthy!

7. 2012 is going to be filled with looooots of change. I'm starting the year unemployed again, so I have a plan of finding a job, finally moving out of the parents' house, getting together my portfolio and really freelancing and learning my craft.  Hopefully, 2012 will be filled with a lot of passion.


PS. Speaking of New Year's, we've all seen this ABSOLUTE cuteness from Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, right?  Because it is whimsical and beautiful and sounds fantastic and can they please just have precious little babies together already?!

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Letters To Myself: One Year Ago

Dear December 28, 2010 Ashley,

It's a rough year for you. I know you expected it, and even though you were right, you were so wrong in every way it would be.  Your job killed you, just a bit. You made some amazing friends, and lost them as soon as it became possible. You kept some amazing friends, and you realized that a lot of the people you know are amazing friends. You lost your way, for a long time. You let yourself, really - and I'm not blaming you! I think it was necessary, because you learned a lesson from it and I think we're better off for it.

I wish I could tell you that you made the right choice, and stop stressing over it. You had just left your second job even though it was closer to what you wanted to do, because you had made a commitment to the first job - and I remember the long hours you agonized over the decision.  And after you made it and cut your 90-hour work weeks down to a blissful 50, you were still stressing out if it was right.  I wish I could tell you yes, it is. Even though it was horrible and there's a chance we would be in a much different part of life at the moment, it was the right thing to do.  You go to sleep at night knowing you honored a commitment, you understand that you had to do what you did. The job you stuck with, while not the best, was not at all terrible in the least, and you loved it at least 50% every week, if not more.

I wish I could tell you that he'll hurt your heart. He won't mean to, and you won't even realize that he had the power to. But he will, and you will never see it coming. I wish you could have protected yourself better.

I wish I could tell you that J isn't worth it. Maybe he is who you want him to be, but he won't make you what you want to be.

I wish I could tell you to be honest with your best friend and advise her better on that problem she had at the beginning of the year. You held in your real opinion, and I'm still not sure it was worth it. She can do better, and I'm disappointed and regret that you didn't tell her that.

I wish I could tell you how brave you are, for sticking with something for so long because it was the right thing even though it may not have been the best thing. I wish I could tell you that you'll be ok. That you survive. That you will survive.  That ultimately, you'll leave it at the right time, in the best terms you could.

I wish I could reassure you that he's worth all the teasing you go through. I'm so proud you stuck out the friendship - not only because you knew there was nothing wrong with it and that neither of you were at fault for anything, but because he is completely worth it all.  That he will save you some nights, and be the source of so much love and warmth in a time you were lacking it so much. I know it was tough through all the words and pokes and prods and insinuations, but I'm so, so glad you stuck with it. His friendship is the world to your present Self.

I'm glad you had those sleepless nights and went on that 2-month-long partying binge. Through the exhaustion, occasional fear you were being too crazy, and ever-present self-doubting, it was so much more fun and some of the best memories you'll ever have. You were young anyway, and no one was ever hurt - and that's the best we can ask for. (And hey, that idea of renting a hotel room downtown with your 3 best friends and bar-hopping all through that night for your birthday? Best. Birthday. EVER.)

It's a long year for you, and you go through a lot. Crazy clients, sleepless nights, 20-hour work days, and months that just flew by. You end up unemployed, and a bit lost, and at the mercy of a lot of jokes. You take a lot of bullying this year, much more than you ever did.

But you also have some of the best friends, on the best nights, with the best memories you could ever hope for. You have a boost in resume, a plethora of professional back-up, and so much more knowledge. You learned to read for pleasure again, and were opened to some of the best worlds you never knew were out there. You rode in a friggin' dune buggy, for heaven's sake! Who would have ever thought you'd do that?

What I wish I could tell you most, One Year Ago Ashley, is that you make it to today. With a lot of bruises, a lot of scars, and, regrettably, a few open wounds that still don't have a resolution to close - but you make it with a broader knowledge, a larger heart, and the comfort of those around you.

You make it.

<3,
December 28, 2011 Ashley

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Top Ten Books I Read in 2011

Another Top Ten Tuesday!  Brought to you by The Broke and The Bookish.  Make sure to visit them and link up if you participate, too!

This time we've got a nice theme for the end of year:

Top Ten Books Read in 2011

I'm quite happy to say that 2011 was a great year in books for me. I read a decent amount (I think I'm at 67, but I have to check the list) and 75% of them were fabulous reads.  Safe to say, this was a difficult list to make. In no particular order (despite that they're ordered...)

1. Bookends by Jane Green. A quick, fluffy read that makes me smile. The MC is a British woman who opens her own bookshop - what wouldn't I love about that?! It's not a groundbreaking masterpiece, but it's one I return to when I need a true, fun chick lit.

2. Uglies by Scott Westerfeld.  One of my first forays into dystopian YA fiction, and I have to say...I'm ready to run full force into the genre and never look back! Fascinating and engaging and definitely made me think how our society now is viewed. (It also made me have a minor freak out over the idea of losing penmanship!)

3. Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins. As I reviewed here, one of my favourite books EVER. EVER EVER EVER. Sweet and romantic and funny and interesting and I did not put it down.

4. The Duff by Kody Keplinger. Odd that this made my list because there are probably more things I complain about (the main guy's name is Wesley Rush.  Really!?  Could we be more typical?) than praise, but...this book sticks with me. Probably because I relate to being a D.U.F.F more than I'm comfortable saying, but there's definitely a little sympathy that Kody Keplinger elicits from the reader.

5. Perfect Chemistry by Simone Elkeles. Ohhh this book. I had to keep putting it down because I swear I felt so many of the things the characters were. I was right there being frustrated, happy, in love, scared, everything with them.

6. Across the Universe by Beth Revis. I picked this book on a whim at the library (I really liked the cover) and seriously...best. whim. ever.  Quickly became one of the best books I've ever read, it was another Dystopian world that just sucked me in. I just want to hug Amy and tell her it will all be ok; and I want to hold Elder and teach him everything he feels he's missing. Also, Elder's best friend Harley? I can't spoil it, but oh my God. OH MY GOD.

7 and 8. If I Stay and Where She Went by Gayle Forman. I also read If I Stay on a whim (the cover, again) and was forced to wait 4 months before Where She Went came into my Hold queue at the library, and I seriously think those were the longest four months of my life. I read a review somewhere (I really wish I could remember where) that said, "If I Stay broke me, and Where She Went put me back together."  One of the more accurate statements. And even though that sounds like a spoiler, trust me when I say they don't even measure a teensy bit of how powerful and amazing these books are. I can't even...I wept. I sobbed. I made those stupid sounds where your throat is so closed from tears and general weepiness all you can do is squeak and sound like a snotty nostril. But here's the thing: not all the tears were from sadness, and every single one of them was beautiful.

9. The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins. Ok, so I cheated and counted the trilogy as one - and honestly, I'm not certain I started this in 2011. There's a chance I started it in 2010, but I know I read Mockingjay this year, so that counts for me!  I don't think I have to say much about this since the world is ablaze in the Hunger Games craze (anyone else super excited for the movie? I'm nervous but there's not a chance in hell I'd miss it), but I am right there alongside everyone else. Everything you've heard is true, and if you haven't read this...GO. GO NOW.

10. Dash & Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan. Full disclaimer, I love these two authors. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist and Naomi & Ely's No Kiss List are among some of my favourite books, and I genuinely believe that together, they can do no wrong. Dash & Lily does not disprove that. The book is fun and funny and I wish I knew someone like Dash and I like that I'm sort of similar to Lily and I really, really just want to leave a notebook with a clue next to my favourite books in a bookstore and hope to hell I'll meet the love of my life. Plus, I loved that it was set during Christmastime in New York - romantic with just the opportunity for cheese in the amount I love.

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December 26...is it really all over?

I think the most depressing thing about Christmas is when you turn on the radio the day after and it's back to regular music :(  No more Christmas carols.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday! Mine was stressful and rushed and a bit exhausting, but definitely one of the better ones in my recent memory.  Spent Christmas Eve last minute wrapping gifts and then went down to South Bay to have our Annual celebration with all the family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, lolas, lolos...it's always a chaotic mess. But one I love deeply.

Christmas was wonderful for me, the family had a really great day together - which has been increasingly rare unfortunately, so it's like the day was a special treat. We all woke up on our own time and had a relaxed morning; opened gifts at noon; went to Denny's for a late brunch; ran around to different grocery stores to grab last minute forgotten ingredients; and spent the rest of the evening cooking, napping, and watching X-Men: First Class (amazing movie, sad I didn't see it sooner!).

Nothing spectacular, but still lovely. I mean, something happened at brunch that had us literally laughing until tears came out our eyes for minutes - that's a wonderful feeling.

This week gets to be spent doing a little Winter cleaning, celebrating my mom's birthday, and figuring out New Year's Eve plans! I'm also working on some changes here and on the debut of my book blog, all of which will hopefully happen on January 1.  Oooooo...

I didn't take many photos this holiday, but I leave you with some lingering holiday cheer.

Mom's M&M tree :) We didn't put up all the ornaments this year.

How cute is that snowman decal on my Sprinkles cupcake?!
(And it was a free cupcake, which makes it all the better!)

The aftermath of gift opening. We're a surprisingly organized unwrapping family.

Our tree :)

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Life Through My Phone - Christmas + Holiday Nail Polish!

I've been emptying out all the photos on my phone, so I thought I'd post some of the recent images!  Mostly Christmas and the nails I've had for the month :)

Disneyland! The castle lit up :)

SUPER grainy, but I was at one of my favourite bars (Vin De Syrah - it has a hidden door entrance!)
and some guy was dressed as Elf! Tights and all.

Allll these bags on my bed?  Christmas gifts. In their unwrapped state. 

But I finally started wrapping!  A few of them all done up.

I took a picture of the gift tags I make! You can't tell from the photo, but they're shaded with colour, too :)
These are stamped, but most of the time I'll just draw holly/snowflakes/trees/etc.

Christmas cards! Finished! It was a feat, but so satisfying to see the finished 25 card stack.
(Which all were placed in the post Tuesday, so recipients, it should come soon!)

That beautiful ornament came direct from Poland! My best friend brought it back
from her trip, and it's GORGEOUS. Hand-painted and glittery!

Nails I began the month with :) Lots of compliments on them, surprisingly.
Wore for a loooong time (10 days!). This is the only manicure I've done that I took off
when they chipped and redid exactly again - loved that much!
OPI - Big Apple Red; China Glaze - White On White; China Glaze - Nova (glitter)

Current nails! I think they're Holiday-y without being so obvious.
OPI - Onyx with OPI - Rainbow Connection over it
BUT! That ring finger? Onyx with Essie - Shine of the Times over it. Which is an amazing polish because
that's what it looks like at that moment, but...

moved my hand out of direct sunlight and it's position, and that's what it looks like.
CRAZY, right?! Completely different at every second, and changes depending on the base polish under.

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Top Ten Tuesday: Books + Santa!

Time to bring in a new meme!  Top Ten Tuesday, a weekly list regarding books hosted by the lovely The Broke and the Bookish - each week they host a book-related list, and I thought I'd throw in my post and join in on the fun!

Link up here if you want to join, too!

This week's topic: Top Ten Books I Hope Santa Brings

Two of the funniest women today - and these happen to actually be on my Wishlist, too!

Two of the only Adult Literature books I want so badly. I have the ebook version of Game of Thrones, but I've tried to read it that way and it's definitely one I need to hold the copy in my hand while reading.

Across the Universe - the only book to appear on this list that I've actually read before. I adore this book. One of my all-time favourites. But I borrowed it from the library, so I've yet to own my own copy!

The Clockwork Prince is Book #2 in the Infernal Devices series, a prequel Series to Cassandra Clare's Mortal Instrument Series...ALL of which I highly, highly recommend. I've read all 5 other books, but Clockwork Prince was just released a couple weeks ago - and I am impatiently waiting for my on-hold copy to come into the library!

A series I've been told that I must read - and from all the rave reviews I've been hearing, I have to read it soon!  Matched was recently released, as I've found out as well.

All three of which have come highly recommended with beaming reviews.  I've read little bits of all while at Barnes & Noble, and safe to say the few pages I've read are enough to hook me in. Want!

And because this is really a Wish List, I'm tossing in 3 more that are impossible to get unless the respective authors or publishers want to send me ARCs - they're all being released in January!

A Million Suns is Book #2 to Across the Universe (which you should recognize from just above...) and I am dying for this book!  Anna reviewed it so positively, and it's just making me want it all the sooner.

The Fault in our Stars is the next release from John Green, an author who EVERYONE should be reading. If you've never read any of his, you seriously need to go out and change that tout de suite. They will change your life.

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight has gotten rave reviews from bloggers, and it sounds like something right up my alley.

What books are you wanting under you tree this Sunday?

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An Explanation

(Anyone else see the title and think An Education? Brilliant movie. One of my favourites.)

So, here's the reason it's been so depressing 'round these parts here: it's the Holidays.

I know, I know. REVELATIONS. It's just...the severest bout of Holiday Blues I've ever stumbled into, and I'm clawing hard to get my way out. It's been a wide culmination of all points of my life, so let's hit these one by one, shall we?

1. I'm single. And yes, of course this is a big one. Most days, I'm fine with it - I have faith that my life will work out how it's meant to, and apparently I am not meant to have someone right now. But it's the holidays, and all around me are cutesy couples buying gifts and holding hands and dancing in the snow (well...I mean...the San Diego equivalent. So going to the beach).  It doesn't help that I am literally the only single girl in all my local friends right now. Every female I know has a boyfriend and/or is in a a very serious committed dating route that should really just be called A Relationship because I don't get what they're scared about, but whatever not my relationship...  I mean...what?  Yeah.  Like right now, as I type this, this couple picked up their Coffee at the bar in Coffee Bean and she had her finger hooked into his back belt loop. And as they walked off, she eventually let go because she was reading something and lagging, and he just reached back and took her hand and waited and it was so cute and second nature it just makes my heart yearn and feel empty. I have so much love and hope and support to give to someone, and there's no one there to receive it.

2.  I'm broke. I get that it was my choice to leave my job, as well as my choice to not actively search for the time being - but the money strain is tight. I budget well and budgeted my remaining money well so I'm not quite struggling, but naturally this holiday season cost more than planned so I'm getting a bit scared for the oncoming months and paying my bills and those few months I'll probably still not be employed.

3. I gave up on my NaNo Novel. Well...it's a bit stalled right now, and I haven't found my way back to it yet. I currently sit at 92,487 words, written in 45 days. That's a feat.  And now I think I'm going to shelve it, because I can't find anything worth saving. I figure I just need a break from it, so I'll go back once a few weeks pass - but it's still sad to see something beloved fall to the wayside.

4. Family. Without too many details, the Holidays inevitably mean seeing family, and trust me when I say mine is exhausting.  They're numerous and loud and in your face and let's just say...we don't have a lot of the same values. They're uh...well. They're on the Right side of things, shall we say? And I am not. And I can't tell you how much flack myself and a few others in the family get for it and how often I feel like I'm being personally attacked.  PLUS, I'm overweight - we know this. And if I get that stupid Side Eye one more time I'm grabbing a dinner roll, I swear to God I'm going to flip a table.

5. I'm single. This repeats itself because of another reason: I hang out with mostly couples. It is not uncommon for me to be the 5th, 7th, 9th, and on one horrid occasion, the 15th wheel. And that's all well and good, I'm happy for all the happies (marginally), but I get to become the unofficial photographer/single-girl/tie-breaker because of it, and let me tell you, it is not fun. Having to play photographer to all the couples who want pictures in front of the beautiful Christmas tree is just one more reminder that I am alone. And then when we're riding rides or things get paired up or we have to partner...well. It's just one more reminder that among all those who love me, I'm still second to someone.

6. Remember this post, about a friendship let go?  Well...it hasn't gone as far as I thought. And it's still stupid and complicated and I hate that it's making me much more sad than I think I'm willing to accept.

7. I'm listening to Adele's Someone Like You. I mean, c'mon.

8. Ever feel like you're just...floating in an abyss? It's like you're caught between the ups and downs, so close to action or adrenaline, but you're just...stuck. And waiting. And a little bored, and mostly just feeling worthless?  It's been about 2 weeks of this, and I have yet to figure out a way to climb or fall.

9. I miss people. I'm currently finishing up my Holiday cards, and I'm sending out 25 cards - 24 of which are real, non-blog friends who I no longer live near. That's more friends than I currently do have near me. And I miss these people so much that it actually hurts some days.

10. I love the Holidays. I always have. It's cheer and lights and that unfailing faith in the good of all people and showing love. But I just...for some reason, I'm not into it this year. Something grand is missing, and no matter how many trees I put up, lights I string, gifts I wrap, times I watch Elf, or carols I sing, I can't fill the hole that's unwittingly fit into my being.

I understand how lucky I am right now. Reading through this post, I feel like the most ungrateful tosspot in the world. I have friends and family who antagonize me out of love, and a house and money and a means to buy gifts and the health to be sitting in a Coffee Bean whining to the Internetz. And I'm clinging to that.

But sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough to rid your blues.

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Just one of dem days*

I think the general exhaustion of this self-portrait taken a week ago properly describes my current feeling, too.

And in about 3 hours, that scene will be repeated at Coffee Bean as I try valiantly to finish the final 15 Christmas cards and get them sent out.  Except my nail polish has changed haha.

In a weird emotional state (and it's not even that time...oh boy.) today. Will come back tomorrow refreshed.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!


*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMI_GPn0nqA

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Reminiscing the good ol' days of 2000s pop music and filling in some Friday blanks!

YOU GUYS.  You guys. You guys you guys you guys. Guess what I saw at the library and had to check out as soon as possible?

No? No guesses? LOOKIE HERE!

And because that's a crummy webcam picture and backwards, that DVD I'm holding is this:

Yeah, that's real. I totally forget it came out awhile back, and I mean...I didn't get to see these episodes with them in the Mickey Mouse Club days. I was pretty young, and the show didn't even air in the countries I was living in. I've seen clips of course, as any child of the Millennium Pop era has (*NSYNC FOREVER)...but I'm so excited to actually see the horrors of this for reals. Oh Justin Timberlake...no matter what I see, I hope you know that I will love you always. Unconditionally.

And I guess it'll be cool to see some pre-crazy Britney and pre-boobs Christina.  And a girl can always hope for a peep of Ryan Gosling!

Anyway, the weekend! Christmas Christmas Christmas. That's about all it will entail.  I've made a promise to myself that I will be sending all my Christmas cards out by Saturday. I was doing so well with them, and I've just...slacked like crazy.  (Which, if you would like a card, email me your address and you shall receive! prickslikethorn[at]gmail[dot]com - and of course your information won't ever be shared or used for another use other than a holiday card)  After all that, tons of gift wrapping. Luckily I'm done with all my actual shopping, so I don't have to worry about the crazy crowds.

Happy Friday all, have a wonderful weekend!  Onto the blanks...

Link up here!

1.   My most favorite "little thing" is    the little chocolate flake sprinkles they put on top of a peppermint mocha at Starbucks. It's so cute and small and you don't really see them since the drink is covered...but it's there, and little, and I love it  .

2.   I'd give anything to  be in Paris right now    .

3.  I can't believe   that there's only 9 days left until Christmas, and 15 days to the new year.  WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!   .

4. The one thing I'd like to achieve today is   finishing at least 10 of my ~25 Christmas cards   .

5.  The last thing I want to do today is   clean. Urgh .

6.  If I were writing my own blank today, it would say:  'a movie i want to see in theaters right now is______' because I still want to see Arthur Christmas haha. .

7.  My favorite candle scent is   actually, I'm not sure. I usually like Christmas-y smells and all, but we don't burn candles in my house so I can't...answer .

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All the Ways to Say I Love You (version sad)

“I love you,” I said to her.

And she smiled back, and kissed my forehead, and tucked my sheets in and said it back.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he smiled back, and wrapped me in a hug, and said he loved me more, and that he’d be back from work by 9 and to remind my brother of the bill to pay.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he gave me that funny crooked smile and punched my arm and mumbled back you too, sis.

“I love you,” I said to them.

And they hugged me and said it back, grandma squeezing my hand and grandpa clapping me on the back, right before he made a morbid joke about death and seeing me sometime again--hopefully!

“I love you,” I said to her.

And she cried and hugged me and said we’d always be friends and she’d send me postcards and the moment she was back in town, I’d be her first call to grab a cocktail and catch up on life.

“I love you,” I said to her.

And she smiled across the dinner table and told me she loved me and that I was the best friend she could ever ask for.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he smiled uncomfortably and looked around, finally saying ditto.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he said it right back, without hesitation, before picking up his camouflage duffle bag and walking into the terminal.

“I love you,” I said to them.

And they wrapped me in a hug and gave me their joint birthday gift before leaving the restaurant to go back to their house.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And they pulled the sheet up, covering his face in finality.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And Buster the dog jumped and yipped and licked my face and I took it to mean that he meant it back.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he looked down at me, his arms around me, our lips still swollen, curled into a smile, and he whispered it right back.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he returned the smile and bent to kiss my forehead as I stood at the sink, washing the breakfast dishes, and he told me he’d be back around 5 as he grabbed his backpack and whisked out the door to his first class of the day.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he gave me a tight-lipped return smile and said it back, in passing, as he watched the TV. The Raiders were playing.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he stared back at me, eyes unreadable, body language mute, with nothing to say.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he shook his head and backed away, staring at me like I was a stranger.

“I love you,” I said to him.

And he repeated it back to me, only he made it past tense.

“But I love you,” I said to him.

And he told me it wasn't enough in the end.

And he told me it didn't matter in the end.

And he told me it was the end.

And 

Finally

I

said

nothing.

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a reflection of me: my desk

So, what do you do when you've been on a small posting hiatus, and you've made a fairly depressing post that alludes to the troubling week you've just had?  Is it possible to just...bypass it and continue on like it's nothing, and all's better so we just hop-skip-jump right back into regular posting*?

One of my favourite bloggers, Laura Marie, made a post about her desk last week and how she thinks you can tell a lot about a person by what is kept (and isn't kept) on it - an opinion of which I am entirely in agreement.

But then I started to think about mine.

I debated long and hard about actually posting this photo, or trying to sort it before, but I figured...that'd be lying. And part of the reason it's not clean in the first place is because I lack the space to really organize it all.  And so, I present to you: my desk. Forgive me, and judge me not (or if you do, do so as little possible. kthx).

Trust me when I say I'm ashamed of my space. I obviously don't do any of my work on my desk (all happens on my living room couch or propped in my bed), and seriously, the thought of my desk actually kills me. I'm an incredibly organized person normally, as anyone who knows me in real life can attest, but it started with a few books that I couldn't fit in my bookcase and just...exploded from there.

A few notes on my desk:
*Yes, that is indeed 3 stacks of books piled there. There is not a lick of space on my bookshelf that can fit them.
*The sock isn't really a sock - it is, but it's actually the (clean!) sock I use for the sock bun hair curling.
*The black bundle are a (clean!) pair of leg warmers.
*Tell me if you spot the Toy Story 3-related item!  It's quite obscure, so you'll get extra snaps if so.
*Several unfinished crafts are among the piles, including but not limited to: Christmas triptych art canvases, a stamping project, wood letter canvas paint thing, a knitting project somewhere, scrapbooking, and a character naming thing (which isn't quite crafty, but still creative).
*That printer? Totally doesn't work.
*I've counted, and there are a total 9 notebooks somewhere in that desk.
*The red snowflake thing is an Ulta bag, snagged the Essie LuxEffects - Shine of the Times flaky polish! It'll make an appearance somewhere close to New Years.

Seriously. So messy.

I hate that my desk could really display who I am. Because on one hand, totally true: I read and write and craft to the point of excess.  But then...I swear I'm not that messy. I swear.  And what you don't see is the massive amount of magazines I have, because there are too many to keep on my desk (they're stacked on the floor beside my bed): I subscribe to Glamour, Esquire and GQ, and I swear I buy Cosmo, San Diego, and Sunset to the point where I should subscribe. I literally have 50+ mags somewhere in my room, none of which are represented on my desk.

In conclusion of this rambling mess, I totally think a desk describes the person, but at the same time...I almost hope it doesn't.

What's your desk look like? Is it a proper reflection of you?


*Ok, that was a bad intro to bypass all the Down days I had in a very quick succession, but I promise I'll talk about it later. Sometime.

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Up vs. Down

Some days are Up days. You laugh, you smile, you see your friends. Good things happen, maybe bad things will happen, and definitely things you'll have forgotten by the next hour - but in the end, the day is an up.  Maybe you have an eventful day and go to Disneyland and ride all the rides twice and run into an old friend and you're exhausted and happy. Or maybe it's a regular day, you go to work, you send emails, you eat your meals, you come home and hang out on the couch and go to bed in your normal routine.  These days are just Up.

And then there are the Down days.

The days where you wake up and it feels like your covers are two ton pounds each and centered right on your chest. Where you roll to the side to escape and find only darkness. Where every waking moment is a swirl of loss and sadness and disappointment. Maybe you'll have sparks of hope, those tiny moments where you can see being pulled out of this Eternal Down-ness and you'll make a plan or be productive or reach out to grab onto thinly veiled hope. But then you turn your head and the thoughts catch up and suddenly things are bleak and worthless again, and it's like you'll never pull back to the surface again.

...i'm trying. wait for me.

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It's a Holiday-themed Friday (which suits me just fine!)

So as a small reminder, check out Girl With Curls for my guest blog post!  Apparently my math was way off (I am not surprised) because it's already up on her site - so have fun with me and the 10 Christmas Things that Make Me Happy!

This weekend promises a lot of Holiday madness! My dad made a deal with me that when I cleaned the living room (it's been sorely neglected in all the November/Thanksgiving busy-ness), he'd get the Christmas decorations down from the garage.  And guess what I spent all day Thursday doing?? It is spotless (if I do say so myself...), so I get my decorations :)

Unfortunately, we had a small beehive issue in the summer and it happened to be right in the corner where we store all the decorations in the garage. A few bees had made it into the garage, so we had to spray the bug killer inside as well, and now we're uncertain if it's damaged any of the boxes or if the chemicals have gotten into the bins. Which means, we may have to toss out the majority of our Christmas things :(  This is horrible news for my mom and I as we have several keepsakes and memories in there, from childhood or handed down to us from generations. Keep your fingers crossed that most of it is fine!

(Although I have to say it'll be fun stocking up on decorations again if we have to replace any!)

So what is everyone else's plans? Are you starting in on the Holiday hoopla too, or putting it off for one more blissful weekend?

I hope everyone has a wonderful end of week, and let's get on with Fill in the blank Friday!

Link Up Here!

1.   The holiday season is   perfection. A time of family and loved ones and remembering how lucky and blessed you've been through the year; and a time to be determined and look forward to the new year .

2.   Snow makes me  cold. And it makes me miss Belgium, because that's the last place I've lived that really gets any     .

3.  The best comfort food to eat when it's cold out is   soup in a bread bowl from Panera. Delicious! 

4. Winter is the best time for    baking and cooking! Our house heats up when we use the stove, so it's almost torturous to use it in the summer months (Southern California weather + heated house = bad news). So when it's cold out, all the better to make it warm and toasty inside - PLUS, you get delicious holiday goodies!  

5.  I can hardly wait for   decorating my house and wrapping all the gifts. I'm almost done with Christmas shopping, 2 gifts left! .

6.  When it comes to holiday gifts I prefer to   give them, and if I can, make them. It's awkward receiving gifts, but I love giving people presents and showing them how much they mean to me .

7.  If I were to rate my excitement about the holiday season on a scale from 1-10, I would say I am at about a   9. You would think a 10, but I get the holiday blues/grinchiness about a day or two of the season when it's overwhelming and seems a bit...pointless.  But then I look at garland and turn on the lights to my Christmas tree and I remember how much I have to be thankful for and perk up  .

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