Thursday, July 1, 2010

I would have tried to make it work.

I would have made the effort and worked for it.

I would have loved you from afar and hoped in the distance.

I would have picked up your phone calls and answered your texts and responded to your IMs.

I would have driven to have dinner when we both had the time and brought money for my share even though I knew you'd insist you would pick up the tab.  I'd have left the tip.

I would have shaken hands with all your friends and made small talk and learned all about the people you find worthwhile.

I would have listened to you talk about your long days at work and given you back rubs when the tension was too much and bought you a celebratory drink when you got the promotion.

I would have supported your dreams, the ones that want to change the world and alter our lives.  I would have believed in you.

I would have hugged you when you needed it, and even when you didn't.

I would have kissed you when I saw you because I was happy to see you, to finally get to be with you.

I would have made you laugh, especially on the days you never thought you would.

I would have only complained a little bit when you forgot important dates, like my parent's anniversary or my brother's birthday or that day that terrifies me.

I would have kept you company during those long trips and endless nights of work.

I would have driven you home after one too many drinks with your buddies.  I'd even try to parallel park your car.

I would have let you read my writing and get inside my head, like you once told me you wanted to.

I would have gone to your silly basketball games, even though you know I hate that sport. And even though you would insist it was ok, I didn't have to, I would have gone anyway.

I would have tried to understand that bit about your heritage that you described as "complicated."

I would have introduced you to all my friends.  Proudly, holding your hand, secretly gloating because I was with you and they weren't.

I would have shown you my favourite spot in my city, and gone with you to yours.

I would have let you choose what music to listen to in the car.  Most of the time, anyway, until that weird jazz station you like started lulling me to sleep.

I would have.

If you had let me.

3 comments:

Melissa July 1, 2010 at 4:06 PM  

Oh, this makes my heart ache. I've been there. I don't know the whole situation but I just need to say that whatever the case, you deserve someone who will let you in, someone who appreciates the things you do (and would have done) for him.

Kell July 1, 2010 at 5:01 PM  

This makes me so sad. I don't know what happened, but I'm in the midst of a might-break-up right now.. so I feel your pain.

Sarah July 7, 2010 at 6:44 PM  

Ashley. I miss you. I'm here for you. Please if you want pick up the phone and tell me your woes. we all know I've filled your head up with mine.

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I'm fairly obsessed with penguins, Peanuts (the comic), and the TV show Friends. Parentheses may or may not be (over)used in this blog, and books will pretty much be the only thing I ever talk about because they are my One True Love.

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