In 10 years I'll be 33.

Despite the fact I am embarrassingly late accepting this, the wonderful Tasha gave me an award!

We all know I'm a travel buff, so I was super excited when I saw the image!  I mean, it has France on it.  I have to like it!  I'm incredibly grateful, and encourage you to check out Tasha's blog here.  And her Sunday Photography one here.  And her personal (and very honest and brave) blog here.  I swear, you won't be disappointed by any of those.

The "terms" of this award was to write down where you see yourself in 10 years.  Sounds simple, right?

Wrong.

I'm a big planner.  Always have been.  I get a delicious satisfaction from seeing my calendar filled months in advance, and you can bet your booty that I have a small planner for next year already.  But ever since I graduated college and later lost my job...things haven't been so planned.  First it started out that I simply wasn't sure what to do, or if I could support what I wanted to do, or how to go about it.  And then it turned into questioning what I wanted to do, and why I was choosing to do what I thought I wanted to do.  And then it turned into a full-on "Oh my God did I just waste 23 years?"

For the first time in my life, I do not know what my future will bring.  And I am terrified.  I feel lost, like I'm floundering about in this big ocean of possibility and potential and there is nothing that I can see to keep me afloat.  I'm starting to realize that things I thought were so sure in my life, in fact...aren't.

The odd thing is, I still have a lot of hope in my life.  I still know what I enjoy, what I like, the opportunities I have.  And I know that somehow, things will work out.  I just don't right now, and I'm fighting hard to get past that.

The other thing that's been a bit weird is that had I answered this 5 years ago, 2 years ago, probably even this time last year...I wouldn't even have mentioned marriage, a relationship, sharing my life with anyone.  I have no idea what changed this, or why it changed, but...I'm starting to believe that eventually I do want to be married.  I want to have someone to share life with, to hope and dream and experience with.  I used to be the girl who said no, I didn't need to be married, I don't find it necessary.  And in a way I still don't find it to be essential to my life.  But I would like it now.  I guess I'm just growing up.  Or something.

So, in 10 years...I hope to be on my way to becoming something doing what really makes me happy.  I hope to be learning, and experiencing, and living my life.  And, if it's meant to be, I'll be doing all of that with someone I love at my side.

And if I happen to be living in France at the time, I'll take that, too.