Things I've Learned (or had reaffirmed) After Going to the Bars With Friends

Image source unknown, no matter how much I try through TinEye.

1) Being the Ugly One Is Not Necessarily A Bad Thing.  I don't mean this in a fishing-for-compliments way, nor in a woe-is-me-I'm-a-horrid-witch.  I'm...you know...cute enough.  It's not about me being unattractive, it's the fact that my friends are freakin' hot. F'realz, my friends are the kind that stop men in their tracks, that make men flirt with them while holding hands with another girl (true story. on multiple occasions), that make men spend dozens of dollars on drinks in the hopes of a dance.  So yeah, being the "ugly" one was kind of nice, since I didn't have to worry so much about the guys hitting on me.  There were still a few, but definitely not as many guys as my friends had to deal with.

2) Douchebags Congregate.  It's not like I expect to find topnotch men in bars, but I swear to God a drop of alcohol and assholes in the vicinity just exacerbates all that is wrong with the male population.  At the suggestion of one of the boys in our group (who claimed "No, I go to Bar West all the time, the guys don't act horrible there"), we trekked on over--not even 5 minutes into it, I'd had some guy full-on grab my ass, another one very purposefully rub against my boobs, and three guys say "hey girl, what's your name?".  And like I said, I'm not even the pretty one of my group! Due to bathroom trips and ordering drinks, we ended up staying there for about half an hour; in which I cannot even count the amount of times I was asked to dance or approached or in some way, shape or form hit on.  And normally I'm ok with some flirting, I'm awkwardly flattered and all, but this?  Too. Much.

3) People Still Get Hyped For A Song Even If It Was Played 3 Songs Earlier. The next DJ who plays anything by that sorry-excuse-for-music Kesha (NO I WILL NOT PUT THAT DAMN DOLLAR SIGN) or Katy Perry's wreck of a California Gurls (WHO THE HELL HERE WEARS DAISY DUKES?!) within 2 songs of each other may find their precious little Macbook doused accidentally by my drink.

4) It Is Possible To Go 23 Years Without Ever Ordering A Drink.  Because it's true; I've never, ever ordered a drink at a bar.  But every time I've gone out, I have (a) drink(s).  Thanks go to my friends, my friend's boyfriends, and general boys in bars.

5) Even On A Saturday At One of the Busiest Streets in SD, A Bar Can Close At Midnight.  But I cannot, for the life of me, explain why.

6) The Following Outfits/Items Can Be Worn By Men and the Wearer Will Still Get Action: a kilt, nerd-like accessories (suspenders, plaid high-waters worn Urkel-style, and thick-rimmed glasses--all at once), a bright pink fedora, a cross necklace larger than my hand, a button-down shirt with a tie on top of board shorts and sandals, a pinstriped black vest with a large graphic of wings and a naked lady printed on the back, and a shirt with the collar popped so high it covers your nose.

7) And even after all this, all the inappropriate men and the yelling of friends and near-fights at bars and ridiculous cover amounts and having to use the boys bathroom since the girls line is too long and you'll simply never be able to unsee what was left on the urinal...I'll still have an incredibly awesome and entertaining time.