Ashley & the Adventures at Comic-Con (Part 1)

I'm going on the assumption that everyone knows what Comic-con is--if you don't, click that link.

Thanks to connected friends, I was able to get a pass for free for 3 of the 4 days the convention is in town.  And on the day I didn't get to actually go into the Convention Center, I was still downtown taking advantage of it at a free screening and somehow managing to work my way into being gateside at the arrivals carpet for the EW/SyFy party.

Michael Cera dressed as Captain America!

Day one started at 4:30 in the morning.  The last time I'd seen 4:30am was the night before...because I'd been up until then.  Having to leave by that time was very odd, and after 2 hours of sleep, it's safe to say I wasn't feeling so hot. Buuuut it's Comic-con, so you power through.  We got to the line to pick up my friend's badge around 6am, were standing in line to get into Hall H around 8am, and were finally in our seats in the Hall at 9:30 or 10am.  So, 6 hours in, and...I'd stood in line.

Pretty standard for The Con, actually.

I have to confess, I don't know shit about comics. Or most fantasy, sci-fi based stuff.  So, yeah, I'm not exaaaactly the type to go...but I dig the celebrity circuit. I am shamefully into all things Hollywood, so it was pretty exciting getting to see all the actors/actresses and see previews of the films. I was in panels for the entire 9 hours of the first day, and got to see a pretty big chunk of a lot of upcoming movies (Tron, MegaMind, The Expendables, RED, etc). 

Because I don't want to shove in 33 photos into a post, I just put them into a slideshow and you can watch them scroll through--they're not incredibly interesting, just the various movie actors that appeared.

(if the slideshow doesn't work, click here)

(I've also realized that it might not show the titles of the pictures, so if you desperately need to know what the actors' names are and what movie they represented, just click to have it go larger and it should show.)

 

General notes:

• Helen Mirren looks astonishingly amazing for her age. Also, she's ridiculously funny.
• Angelina Jolie is a lot nicer than I think she appears on TV.
• I'd still go gay for Tina Fey. She is just as fabulous as I think she is.
• Watching Bruce Willis hug Sylvester Stallone while Stone Cold Steve Austin and Dolph Lundgren look on is a very surreal and odd experience.
• I am still not interested in Tron. I never saw the original, but even after seeing an 8 minute clip of the new movie didn't make me intrigued. Garrett Hedlund (the new Tron), however, is so attractive I may have to go.
• It seemed kind of ironic that Mary Louise-Parker came across high.
• Michael Cera is awkward and hilarious in real life. Just as he portrays in movies.
• Brandon Routh (Superman Returns) = yesplz. Suffice to say I may have 12 more photos of just him.
• I'm a little in love with Edgar Wright (director for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World). He's so little and British and fabulous.
• Stone Cold Steve Austin literally broke Sly's neck while shooting The Expendables.

So yeah, not the most exciting or detailed first day, since it was literally spent sitting for 9 hours.  But lots of sneak previews, lots of celebrity cheering and a surprising amount of funny actors.

Next post will be the rest of Comic-con since I have fewer photos from then and I am officially 3 hours late to a friend's birthday party.  Have great weekends, everyone!

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I am liking this Fill in the Blank Friday: sleeping!

Link up here!

1.  The last thing I do before going to sleep is set my iPod to play for 30 minutes on either my Christmas list or my Good Night playlist.

2.  When I can't sleep I toss and turn and roll and hrumph. In general I can always sleep though, because I never go to bed until I'm utterly exhausted (which is why I'm often up until 5 or 6).

3.  The first thing I do when I wake up is roll over, check my e-mail, then go into the bathroom to pee, brush my teeth and wash my face (in that order).

4.  When I'm tired I get incredibly quiet. I'm kind of cranky (though that's usually when I'm absolutely exhausted), but I mostly just sit and stare.

5.  My dream bedroom would be a large (preferably Queen, cuz I'm selfish like that) bed with a fluffy comforter and tons of pillows.  Large windows, one of which is a window seat, with dozens of shelves filled with books and a massive, elegant writing desk. Light walls, dark wood furniture, amazing accent lighting, Paris and/or France themed.  None of this should surprise you ahah.

6.  If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning it would be at a small B&B in the South of France. Preferably St. Tropez.  With my bed looking out over a big bay window by the sea, curtains fluttering.

7.  The longest sleep I've ever had was after I pulled my all nighter for journalism class, I slept about 14 hours. That's incredibly long for someone who's lucky to get 6 a night.

8.  I sleep on my side with one hand tucked under a pillow and the other on top of the pillow but under my cheek. I also tend to sleep with my head in the dip between two pillows side-by-side. I used to haaaaave to sleep on my stomach with my right arm up above my head, my head turned to the left, and my left arm underneath the pillow--thankfully I'm not that strict anymore.

9.  When I sleep, I like to wear shorts and an oversized t-shirt.

10.  My bedtime is usually whenever I'm exhausted. Thankfully that's between 2 and 3 most nights.

PS. I swear, Comic-con recap will come later today! I know I rarely double post on days, but I figure this is a worthy exception :)

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I'm just a big fat liar.

I said I would be back yesterday or today with a recap of Comic-con, but I have to confess to you: I lied.

There was an issue with my computer files and camera transfers, so I couldn't get my photos transferred until just now.  Unfortunately, "now" is also about 20 minutes before I have to leave for a coffee break with a friend, then a dinner date with another friend, and my weekly tennis night with other friends.  So, everything's going to have to wait, yet again.  I apologize, since I just know your entire being depends on my mass amounts of name dropping of Comic-con and how I wouldn't mind having a love affair with any of the Evil Exes from the upcoming movie Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World (which I was able to see at a secret screening and have to tell you, it's fucking phenomenal).  I know.

But again, I leave you with this teaser photo, and I'll be back tomorrow:

Sylvester Stallone & Dolph Lundgren from The Expendables panel.

PS. Wait, another lie, that wasn't what I'm leaving you with. Since I didn't touch my computer for about a week, it comes as no surprise that my Reader is backed up again. So um...I'm sorry for lack of reading/commentage lately. The day my Reader goes below 600 unread posts, I'm throwing a fucking party.

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Ten on Tuesday! Volume 18

So, two things to address right quick:

--01--

Making a long and boring story short, I was at this thing that was on the news, and I actually appear in the background. I knew they were around but was trying to dodge the camera man because...I mean, I'm not that comfortable looking in a mirror yet, ain't no way in hell I want to be seen on TV!  But alas, the camera man caught me. And whatever, I accept this, it's like .3 seconds and it was on the 5:30 news and who the hell watches that?! (If you do, don't tell me.)  What does upset me is that the first time I'm on TV...and it's for FOX NEWS?! SERIOUSLY?! I am mortally and morally against Fox News. I can't believe my ugly mug has appeared on that abomination of a channel.

--02--

Can we just take a moment of silence for the death of my 15-year-old self?  Orlando Bloom is now...*sob*...married.  My teenager self is in serious mourning over this.

....until my adult self catches up and reminds me Joseph Gordon-Levitt is still very much available.  Hope...

Link up here!

1. How do you take your coffee on an average day? How do you like your coffee if you’re splurging?
I don't drink real coffee, only those girly bitch drinks.  Depending where I am, I'll usually get an iced caramel latte, some sort of frozen drink, or a mocha.

2. What is your genre of books to read?
Anything fiction. Usually just Popular Fiction, other times Chick-Lit or YA or sometimes even some Fantasy.

3. Where do you want to retire, if you could go anywhere?
France. If it has to be in the US though, I'm down for Pelican Hill (this is money-no-object, right?).

4. The 17-year-old you is told to write a 10-minute speech. What topic would you have picked?
I prooooobably would have refused the speech somehow. I'm not so great with public speaking (I can do it, I simply prefer not to), and my 17-year-old self managed to get my way out of a lot of things.  And you all thought being a Teacher's Pet was a bad thing...

5. What word describes you best?
Listening.

6. What is the next “event” that you are looking forward to? (ex.: vacation, moving, date, job change, etc)
Now that comic-con is over (boo hiss!), I guess...I dunno. LA to see Forever-Roommate/Best Friend for the first time in a very long while--assuming that happens next month as planned.  If not, I'm super looking forward to September and colder weather and Winter.

7. Do you like to discuss controversial topics or do you prefer to avoid those types of conversations?
It depends on the topic, but generally I refuse to discuss them.  For a variety of reasons, though mostly because they make me uncomfortable.  I'll listen no problem(ish...don't push it), but I won't actively discuss.  Unless it is concerning any of the 3 things I do actually care about (gay marriage, how ebooks are terrible and the plight of public education funding).

8. Would you rather add 4 free hours to each day, or add 1 extra day to the week?
Four free hours to each day, because adding 1 entire whole day would make me feel the need to work for 6 days a week.

9. If you created a sports team; what would your colors and mascot be?
Oh my...I'm so uncreative! I have no idea.  I would say a penguin because I'm slightly obsessed, but I don't quite find them to be particularly intimidating--which probably wouldn't be good for a mascot.

10. If you had to be a teacher, what subject would you teach?
I taught journalism in high school, which I really loved.  Journalism, English, or, honestly, Art History.

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Just a little bit longer

So, if you follow me on Twitter (HINT HINT all), you will know what I've been up to the past 4 days.  For those who don't, let me update you:

Comic-con!

A preview photo for you all: Batman!
Photo by April

It was a fantastic and exhausting time.  No, I did not dress up, and yes, I pretty much have no business being there since I haven't even seen the original Star Wars (let me tell you, don't ever say that loud enough for the others in line to hear you...outrage will be had) among other things.  But it was amazing.

And as predicted, I am wiped.  I feel like I'm going to sleep for days.  And perhaps I will--but anyhow, I just wanted to let everyone know hello! I am here! I will probably do a meme tomorrow for the sake of ease, but Wednesday or Thursday I will be back with a recap of the insanity.  Warning now, it's a lot of name dropping--but what fun would there be without that, right?

I hope everyone had a fab weekend and a great beginning to the week!

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In 10 years I'll be 33.

Despite the fact I am embarrassingly late accepting this, the wonderful Tasha gave me an award!

We all know I'm a travel buff, so I was super excited when I saw the image!  I mean, it has France on it.  I have to like it!  I'm incredibly grateful, and encourage you to check out Tasha's blog here.  And her Sunday Photography one here.  And her personal (and very honest and brave) blog here.  I swear, you won't be disappointed by any of those.

The "terms" of this award was to write down where you see yourself in 10 years.  Sounds simple, right?

Wrong.

I'm a big planner.  Always have been.  I get a delicious satisfaction from seeing my calendar filled months in advance, and you can bet your booty that I have a small planner for next year already.  But ever since I graduated college and later lost my job...things haven't been so planned.  First it started out that I simply wasn't sure what to do, or if I could support what I wanted to do, or how to go about it.  And then it turned into questioning what I wanted to do, and why I was choosing to do what I thought I wanted to do.  And then it turned into a full-on "Oh my God did I just waste 23 years?"

For the first time in my life, I do not know what my future will bring.  And I am terrified.  I feel lost, like I'm floundering about in this big ocean of possibility and potential and there is nothing that I can see to keep me afloat.  I'm starting to realize that things I thought were so sure in my life, in fact...aren't.

The odd thing is, I still have a lot of hope in my life.  I still know what I enjoy, what I like, the opportunities I have.  And I know that somehow, things will work out.  I just don't right now, and I'm fighting hard to get past that.

The other thing that's been a bit weird is that had I answered this 5 years ago, 2 years ago, probably even this time last year...I wouldn't even have mentioned marriage, a relationship, sharing my life with anyone.  I have no idea what changed this, or why it changed, but...I'm starting to believe that eventually I do want to be married.  I want to have someone to share life with, to hope and dream and experience with.  I used to be the girl who said no, I didn't need to be married, I don't find it necessary.  And in a way I still don't find it to be essential to my life.  But I would like it now.  I guess I'm just growing up.  Or something.

So, in 10 years...I hope to be on my way to becoming something doing what really makes me happy.  I hope to be learning, and experiencing, and living my life.  And, if it's meant to be, I'll be doing all of that with someone I love at my side.

And if I happen to be living in France at the time, I'll take that, too.

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If You Really Knew Me...

So, anyone else watch this MTV show "If You Really Knew Me..."?  I still can't quite figure out how scripted it is, how edited down and shaped it is, but I'll take it at face value.

For those who don't know what it is, it's marketed as a real life "Breakfast Club" (which I have to say kiiiiiiiind of offends me).  Each episode focuses on one high school and follows 5 kids who are all from different "cliques": jock, loner, band geek, cheerleader, etc.  These kids go through "Challenge Day," an in-school seminar that focuses on getting to know your peers, getting you to open up and discover who someone is.  A small section is when they put about 8 students together into a group and are supposed to finish the sentence "If you really knew me, you would know..."  The kids open up, some choosing to come out as homosexuals, some revealing they are self-abusers (cutters), some telling how lost they are, even the star-quarterback admitting he doesn't actually like football.

Regardless of how altered the show is, it is still a relatively good message.  You simply never know the story, the life of anyone around you. The person you walk past could be suffering, may have a broken home, may be considering suicide. The person you walk past may have just had a racist act committed against them, may feel guilty for something they had, is somehow unsatisfied with their life. You simply never know.

The universal sign for "I Love You." 
The show uses this during their Challenge Day seminar to express support.

We did something similar to this in my high school.  It was really early into high school, and I'm not sure how much of it was to overcome barriers so much as to simply get everyone to know each other.  Whatever the goal, it did have an impact on me, even then.  I was partnered with a guy I've mentioned on this blog before, Cook.  He's a stoner through-and-through, having been coming off a high when we were doing the activity.  It was odd and surreal and to my 9th grade brain I was utterly confused about the situation, but I still remember a fondness that overtook me about him after he told me a few things about who he is.  When someone exposes parts of your life that you know most others aren't privy to, a certain caring is instilled regardless if you want it or not.  And to this day, that fondness for him is still there; even though I do not approve his drug use at all, even though we don't talk anymore and rarely talked after that day, even though he chooses to smell roses in the field rather than get the baseball and I get traumatized as a result.

It's said often, but the lesson always bears repeating.  Don't judge others, because you never really know what they're going through or who they are.

If you really knew me...

....you'd know I feel much more than I let on.

....you'd know I don't let myself love anyone because I'm too broken to try.

....you'd know that I constantly feel disappointed in myself.

1/2

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Things I've Learned (or had reaffirmed) After Going to the Bars With Friends

Image source unknown, no matter how much I try through TinEye.

1) Being the Ugly One Is Not Necessarily A Bad Thing.  I don't mean this in a fishing-for-compliments way, nor in a woe-is-me-I'm-a-horrid-witch.  I'm...you know...cute enough.  It's not about me being unattractive, it's the fact that my friends are freakin' hot. F'realz, my friends are the kind that stop men in their tracks, that make men flirt with them while holding hands with another girl (true story. on multiple occasions), that make men spend dozens of dollars on drinks in the hopes of a dance.  So yeah, being the "ugly" one was kind of nice, since I didn't have to worry so much about the guys hitting on me.  There were still a few, but definitely not as many guys as my friends had to deal with.

2) Douchebags Congregate.  It's not like I expect to find topnotch men in bars, but I swear to God a drop of alcohol and assholes in the vicinity just exacerbates all that is wrong with the male population.  At the suggestion of one of the boys in our group (who claimed "No, I go to Bar West all the time, the guys don't act horrible there"), we trekked on over--not even 5 minutes into it, I'd had some guy full-on grab my ass, another one very purposefully rub against my boobs, and three guys say "hey girl, what's your name?".  And like I said, I'm not even the pretty one of my group! Due to bathroom trips and ordering drinks, we ended up staying there for about half an hour; in which I cannot even count the amount of times I was asked to dance or approached or in some way, shape or form hit on.  And normally I'm ok with some flirting, I'm awkwardly flattered and all, but this?  Too. Much.

3) People Still Get Hyped For A Song Even If It Was Played 3 Songs Earlier. The next DJ who plays anything by that sorry-excuse-for-music Kesha (NO I WILL NOT PUT THAT DAMN DOLLAR SIGN) or Katy Perry's wreck of a California Gurls (WHO THE HELL HERE WEARS DAISY DUKES?!) within 2 songs of each other may find their precious little Macbook doused accidentally by my drink.

4) It Is Possible To Go 23 Years Without Ever Ordering A Drink.  Because it's true; I've never, ever ordered a drink at a bar.  But every time I've gone out, I have (a) drink(s).  Thanks go to my friends, my friend's boyfriends, and general boys in bars.

5) Even On A Saturday At One of the Busiest Streets in SD, A Bar Can Close At Midnight.  But I cannot, for the life of me, explain why.

6) The Following Outfits/Items Can Be Worn By Men and the Wearer Will Still Get Action: a kilt, nerd-like accessories (suspenders, plaid high-waters worn Urkel-style, and thick-rimmed glasses--all at once), a bright pink fedora, a cross necklace larger than my hand, a button-down shirt with a tie on top of board shorts and sandals, a pinstriped black vest with a large graphic of wings and a naked lady printed on the back, and a shirt with the collar popped so high it covers your nose.

7) And even after all this, all the inappropriate men and the yelling of friends and near-fights at bars and ridiculous cover amounts and having to use the boys bathroom since the girls line is too long and you'll simply never be able to unsee what was left on the urinal...I'll still have an incredibly awesome and entertaining time.

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Optimism and some filling in of blanks!

Well...that last post was a bit of a meltdown, wasn't it?  It's just been one of those weeks where things go up and down at the blink of an eye, and you can never catch up.  I went to the beach yesterday with one of my best friends, and there's nothing better than a little clarity through relaxation.  You can't hate life when you've found this small, semi-unknown stretch of beach and are laying out with a friend beside you, the sun warming you down and the water a most refreshing cool.  Watching people toss a football, surf the small waves, kids build sandcastles and dig holes...life can't be terrible, right?

Anyhow, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I am celebrating that same best friend's birthday with a night on the town, and I'm excited to see what kind of entertainment we'll stumble upon.  Now, for fill-in-the-blank Friday!  Go here and link up if you participate, too.

1.  A very nostalgic place that reminds me of being a kid is at a park, specifically one with ducks to feed.  The Woluwe Park in Belgium was literally down the street from my house and we used to walk there all the time to feed the ducks, have picnics, ride bikes and play frisbee.  I loved it, and I miss that park.

2.  If someone really wants to show me how much they love me they'll spend time with me, and not get offended when I don't want to spend time with them.  There are times when I need to be by myself, and I appreciate it when people can understand and support it.

3.  Lately I've been wondering a lot about life.  In general.  Sigh...so existentialist angsty.

4.  When it comes to saving money I am not terrible actually.  There are times when I do spend too much or I'll buy something I don't need, but I'm pretty good about saving paychecks and whatnot.

5.  I'd prefer hot chocolate on a cold night over ice cold water on a hot day any day!

6.  I wish I knew how to make jewelry.  I'm such a sucker for beautiful necklaces and rings, it's probably my one weakness in terms of shopping & money.

7.  I'm just waiting for this stupid stupid weather to pass.  I left my suburb at 96 degrees blazing, went to the beach for perfect 89 degree sunshine, then a cloud passed over and it became 92 degree rain, thunder, lightning and several wild fires.  San Diego feels like the apocalypse (presumably, anyway) right now.

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Pity party for one?

I've been really overwhelmed lately.  Which is weird, since my life doesn't appear that crazy, but I feel like I'm running a circle I was never meant to be in.  My head is getting the better of me and the only thing my heart can do is race.

I need a job.  I say it often, so much that it's hardly got any meaning now, but it remains the same. I'm a little bit terrified of re-entering the working world, maybe even doing the 40 hr workweek--but I know it's unavoidable, and it's not horrible.  I actually want it.  Now if only I could find someone who wants me, too.

I'm low on funds. Which is obvious, but I have bills to pay; most notably my school loans.  I was surprisingly sensible and aware when I lost my job last year, putting most of my last paycheck into my savings account.  And thankfully my parents have drilled money sense into me so I was already setting aside 40% of my income when I could.  But I have exactly two months left to sustain, and that's on the assumption nothing major comes up (fingers crossed) and that I don't go out with friends more than twice a month.  Shit's gonna get real, real fast.

I haven't written anything in months. I don't know if NaNoWriMo sapped me, or if it's the fact that my emotions decided they wanted to leave me numb, but there's been almost no creative outlet, and I feel like I'm about to snap.  Dynamite with a fuse and fire's a lifetime away.

I'm not even going to get into why this has been prevalent in my life, but it keeps coming back to me how lonely I am. And unfortunately, I do mean that in the romantic sense.  Usually, I'm fine being single. I don't hate it, I'm not bitter about it, and I don't think I'm any lesser.  I've been this way all my life, and generally, it suits me. I know that when the time comes for me to meet someone who can be that person for me, it will happen; and I have complete faith in that.  But there's been a lot of times recently where I wish I could go to someone for a hug and it would be given, no questions asked.  Whose hand I can hold as I walk down a street, for the simple act of being able to.  Who would hold me and let me have the freak out that's brewing, and go with me to the beach because I want to, and listen to me.  Who would talk to me, and give me a part of who he is and let me see him. I simply feel like I'm missing something important, and it makes me...sad.

My blog is stressing me out. I need to redesign it because there are elements I feel need to be there and some that I want there, but I haven't had the time. I'm still undecided on the new blog name, even though two weeks ago I was so sure, and now I'm doubting everything. I'm behind on "accepting" another award and I always feel so pathetic when I can't even promptly and properly thank the person giving it to me. I hate feeling guilty about being so behind on blog reading (current Reader unread count: 369), and even though I know we all know this isn't a job, I have no obligation to it...I just feel bad.  I want to give everyone the time they deserve, and I hate that I feel like I can't.

I feel like I'm being a bad friend because I haven't talked to so many of them recently.  Some get short updates, and one even got me to visit her new apartment, but I'm mostly keeping myself away.  And I don't intend it to be an offense against them, I don't mean it to be mean...I'm just feeling so fragile lately that I don't trust how I will be with them.  It's selfish (which only makes me feel worse), but I feel like it's best for now.  And unfortunately, I'm getting overwhelmed at the idea of having to reintegrate my life with them, because I can't explain my absence.

I wish I could be one of those people that say writing it all out helped and now I feel like a bit of the weight has gone away, but...it really hasn't.  I still feel like crying every moment for a whole mess of reasons, and I still feel like I have a huge boulder on my chest.  And I wish I could figure it all out.

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It's Been A Very Long Month. And, Ten on Tuesday! Volume 17

Life's been kinda crazy these past few days.  Not for serious reasons, there's just a lot happening since it's the start of summer and relatives come into town or friends are between jobs or are finally using their vacation time.  Highlights include:

• went to Downtown Disney and walked around.  I also got to see a set of relatives from NorCal who I don't see often, which was awesome since I love them and miss them a lot.
• got to go to Costa Mesa for a couple hours and hang out with Samra, one of my best friends who I will be forced to live without for over a year as she heads off to England.  I don't want to think about it.
• saw Kenny G perform.  Yeah, possibly the most random musical act of my life, but that's ok--my mom was incredibly excited and happy, and that's what counts.
• first official summer BBQ has happened!  And it was glorious and barbeque-y and I got a fake tattoo and blew bubbles.
• my parents celebrated their 29th anniversary.  It was lovely and filled with love.

This week is gloriously empty, though I'm really just going to be resting up for a filled weekend.  A friend's birthday, another friend's house warming, possible LA trip to see a few friends who I haven't seen in over a year--and if that LA trip happens another birthday celebration will be there--and whatever the family has planned.  You would think I had like...a life or something.

Head over here to link up!

1. What is the worst movie you have ever seen?
I remember trying to watch The Heartbreak Kid with my forever-roommate/best friend Mischa.  We struggled through about 40 minutes and gave up.  It's terrible!

2. Do you have a favorite Disney/Pixar film?
You can't possibly make me choose!  Toy Story for the sentiments sake...but I did love Monsters, Inc. and Up and Wall-E...GAH ok I love them all, I can't choose!

3. Do you have a favorite movie from the 80′s?
"Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place."

4. Are there any movies you saw more than once in the theater?
My Big Fat Greek Wedding I saw twice.  I saw Finding Nemo twice. And in about 2 weeks I'll see Toy Story 3 for the second time.  I rarely see movies in theatres, much less multiple times.

5. What is one city/area of the US (or country you live if you do not live in the US) that you have not seen but would like to see?
I have a life's goal of going to every US state (I'm at 13 or 14 now), so everywhere is a potential answer.  But I am dying to go to Chicago, Seattle, Portland and NYC.

6. What are your favorite toppings on an Ice Cream Sundae?

Granola, a smidge of chocolate sauce...that's pretty much it.

7. How many proms did you go to? What color was your prom dress?
Only once, my own senior prom.  And I hate saying it, but my prom dress was bubblegum pink.  And I HATEHATEHATE pink!  It was one of the few dresses I loved that fit me and was flattering to my round figure...so I went with it.  I wanted the blue one, but they didn't have it in my size and if I ordered it, I wouldn't have time to get it tailored before the dance.  You win some, you lose some.  I had an awesome time at Prom so I don't really care.

8. Is there a sport or extra-curricular activity that you didn’t get to try as a child that you wish you would have? (e.g. gymnastics, piano lessons, ballet, etc.)
Hmmm...I always wanted to do photography, but pretty much everything else I wanted to do, I got to.

9. How many siblings do you have? Are you the oldest, middle, or youngest?
One older brother.  And yes, I am prototype youngest child--and I LOVE it.

10. Do you feel like you fit in with your age group? Or do you feel younger/older than your age group?
Generally, I do feel like your average 20-something-year-old.  I'm lost and looking and puffed up on aimless hope with some unconditional optimism and heartbreaking realism mixed together.  There are moments when I still feel like a child (living off your parents does that to you), and definite moments where I feel incredibly old (talking with college kids does that to you).  But I know who I am, and that's all of a 23 year old almost-woman.

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Because if I can't say it, at least I can write it on my blog in some weird passive-aggressive venting session.

I don't get angry often.  There are things that irritate me, there are things that frustrate me, but to get me really truly angry is difficult.  I like to think I'm pretty easygoing (usually), and I'm a pro at rationalizing and/or brushing things off.  I'm very "big picture" when it comes to negative emotions and I can easily compartmentalize most things into "this sucks, but it won't matter in this many hours, so just let it go now and we can move on."  And it works for me.

But one thing that definitely angers me is when people tell me to choose a different area of study if/when I return to grad school/continue my education.  My optometrist said it to me, a lot of friends, random strangers, and, most recently, at least 6 of my relatives at my family reunion suggested it to me.  Everyone says some sort of variation of "don't do journalism again, it's too hard for a career. Choose something broader that's easier to find jobs.  Like accounting/engineering/medicine/something math based!"

And it pisses. Me. OFF.

I do not choose my study based on its ease.  I do not model my life after something that will gain me the paycheck to support what you deem acceptable, or what this fucked up economy says will be the most profitable.  And I sure as shit do not choose what I study to satisfy some deep-seated need of yours that wants a lawyer in the family or will give you pride when you introduce me to your friend as "Ashley Blogger, MD."

I chose journalism because I --GASP-- like it.  I don't just like it, I happen to love it.  I adore this craft and want to hone the skills required.  It's fascinating to me.  It's something I enjoy.  It makes me happy. I get that it's difficult to be successful in this field, I get that it's pretty much luck and pure balls to make something of yourself within this industry.  I don't expect some six-or-seven figure salary, and I understand how much of a struggle this will be for the rest of my life.  It's not like some math-based study would be incredibly easy or something--I'm sure every single type of field and career will have its own difficulties and struggles.  I'm not going to become an engineer because you see more job listings for it and the income is higher--maybe some people can and will do that, but it does not work that way for me.

And besides...you really want the doctor diagnosing your illness or the engineer making your airplane or the person managing your finances to be someone who was forced into the job, who had to cry in front of her teacher to get a C in AP Calculus II in high school, who has absolutely no interest in that field?  REALLY?!

I'm not asking for these people to agree with my choice, I'm not asking for them to understand it or support it or come around to it.  But I would appreciate a little respect for it.  And if that's too difficult, I will take the thinly-veiled condescension masked as fake acceptance.  Anything to just make these people shut the hell up and stop taking shots at something I love and the way I've chosen to live my life.

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Blah.

I've been in an incredibly dumpy and dreary mood today. I don't know if it's because of the crummy weather, or if I'm feeling rather pitiful that exactly a year ago I was starting a full-time job as an Account Manager and here I am an unemployed semi-worthless lump, or if it's because my weekend left a lot of things to be desired...whatever the reason, seven failed attempts at a real post have made me give up.

Instead, I leave you with a few of my favourite images.  Most of them are from weheartit, so I don't know any photo credits (please let me know if you know who to credit, and I shall edit ASAP).  But I'm hoping this will leave me a little inspired for the coming days.

Ben Heine

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Happy 4th of July (for the Americans) and a happy weekend!

Happy weekend, lovies!  For the Americans, I hope you all have wonderful 4th of July celebrations!  Anyone have anything special planned?  My plans happen to be a part of this week's Fill-in-the-Blank Friday, so read on to hear what I'm doing!

Click here to link up!

1. This weekend for the 4th of July I'll be going to a mini-family reunion BBQ (described as "small"...which, you know, means like 70 people or something).  And then possibly the San Diego County Fair?  Or maybe going to Big Bear to my friend's family house.  I'm not sure.

2. Fireworks are impossibly loud. And nice, usually.  Especially if they make shapes, like the smiley face or heart ones.  And the one that makes Mickey Mouse at Disneyland.

3. Nothing says summer like the sound of velcro as surfers put on/take off their ankle straps and the clink of bottles as people rush to hide their beer as the Lifeguards & Beach Security make their rounds.

4. My favorite summer memory is sitting at the lake in the south of France.

5. My favorite thing about summer is Mexican food (carne asada burrito!) after a hot beach day.  And BBQs.

6. Summer in a word is ice cream.

7. If I could choose to have summer or winter year round I'd pick winter.  Sorry summer, sorry San Diego, sorry all my friends.  I love the beach and picnics in the park and BBQs on the lawn and all that fun stuff, but the winter is cozy, and layers, and boots, and cookies baking and lights twinkling.

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I would have tried to make it work.

I would have made the effort and worked for it.

I would have loved you from afar and hoped in the distance.

I would have picked up your phone calls and answered your texts and responded to your IMs.

I would have driven to have dinner when we both had the time and brought money for my share even though I knew you'd insist you would pick up the tab.  I'd have left the tip.

I would have shaken hands with all your friends and made small talk and learned all about the people you find worthwhile.

I would have listened to you talk about your long days at work and given you back rubs when the tension was too much and bought you a celebratory drink when you got the promotion.

I would have supported your dreams, the ones that want to change the world and alter our lives.  I would have believed in you.

I would have hugged you when you needed it, and even when you didn't.

I would have kissed you when I saw you because I was happy to see you, to finally get to be with you.

I would have made you laugh, especially on the days you never thought you would.

I would have only complained a little bit when you forgot important dates, like my parent's anniversary or my brother's birthday or that day that terrifies me.

I would have kept you company during those long trips and endless nights of work.

I would have driven you home after one too many drinks with your buddies.  I'd even try to parallel park your car.

I would have let you read my writing and get inside my head, like you once told me you wanted to.

I would have gone to your silly basketball games, even though you know I hate that sport. And even though you would insist it was ok, I didn't have to, I would have gone anyway.

I would have tried to understand that bit about your heritage that you described as "complicated."

I would have introduced you to all my friends.  Proudly, holding your hand, secretly gloating because I was with you and they weren't.

I would have shown you my favourite spot in my city, and gone with you to yours.

I would have let you choose what music to listen to in the car.  Most of the time, anyway, until that weird jazz station you like started lulling me to sleep.

I would have.

If you had let me.

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