Monday, March 1, 2010
Contrary to the exclamation point used in the post title, it's actually been a pretty terrible weekend. It was just a sequence of days where every doubt I've ever had about me and my life comes creeping around and settles on my shoulder. And they've had a heavy lunch. And they're carrying backpacks filled with boulders. Having a party. And they call all their friends and family to join them, so next thing I know all these doubts I didn't even know I had are creeping around in my head. I'm doubting everything, from ability to lack of job to friendships to future to past mistakes...it's terrible.
It's hard to snap back from that, but...I'm trying.
That said, Happy March! How in the world are we three months deep into the new year already? I understand I lost about 16 days glued to my TV cheering random sports and countries in the hopes of 3 medals, but I'm still a bit befuddled.
This promises to be an...interesting month. For several reasons, most of which revolve around the fact that in 19 days, I turn 23. Twenty-three freakin' years old. I feel so old, and so young. Time can never be harnessed, and yet I feel like a lifetime has passed.
I don't make a big deal about my birthday. I never really have, mostly because it falls at an inopportune time for students. Always a test, a final, a big assignment--or if it is Spring Break, none of my friends are around or I'm gone. I've never thought it was a problem, because that's how it has always been. And I don't feel sad about the non-parties, because going to dinner with my family is enough for me. Besides, birthdays are transferable in my house; I can celebrate it any week I want (within reason, of course).
But this year, it's unavoidable. See, in a military kid's life, certain birthdays mean something. A child of a military parent is called a dependent. As a dependent, you are given certain privileges and benefits: access to the base, a waiver on your tuition (state colleges of residence only), discounts. But most importantly, you are given health benefits. Every health concern is completely covered. My shitty teeth, three years of braces, the one year of a retainer...covered. My two ovarian cysts, sprained ankle, carpal-tunnel-but-not wrists, arthritic ankles, stress headaches, a brief and terribly painful stint of high blood pressure combined with kidney stones, all of which resulted in ER trips and/or several doctor trips...covered. My slowly regressing vision, the glasses to fix my almost legal blindness...covered.
A dependent's privileges end when he or she reaches the age of 21...UNLESS you are attending college full time. If that is the case, then the privileges are extended until the age of 23. My entire life, I've never had to worry about paying for a single medical expense. And all of a sudden, I'm going to be thrust into this world without any coverage...and I don't have a job. This is a definite cause for concern. It's safe to say that I'm on the verge of hyperventilation at this thought. Except that could cause a lot more medical problems, and I can't afford that. Oh irony, you kill me...
March also marks my 6 month mark of unemployment. I never thought I'd have such a gap of unemployment, and I do not look forward to explaining this to any interviewers. The job search suffered a pretty bad setback this year, since I was sick for the entire first month. And then I lost my resume file in all the computer switching, so it's been extreme slow-going of rebuilding that alongside the portfolio. Those doubts were all back this week, reminding me how I was supposed to be working my way up through the editorial route at some magazine...and here I am watching a Disney movie with the only plans of this week being my third dentist appointment to fix more cavities.
On the bright side of my birthday, I am no longer in school, which means proper celebration! A few friends and I are going up to Newport Beach for a weekend, so I'm excited to see a bunch of my friends. It will be kind of nice to have (almost) everyone I love together, so at least I have that to look forward to.
Also, that means one more month until ScriptFrenzy! I haven't fully decided if I'm going to do it since I've never had an inkling of a desire to write a screenplay. Nor do I know anything about the style...or have a decent idea for a script...or think I could possibly write stage directions...or picture how my writing would be on a screen. But, you know...creativity! Writing! It's things I love, I may as well consider it, right? Right.
And I am looking forward to Spring. Winter is my favourite season, but all this rain is so unusual for southern California that I'm looking forward to getting the heat back on my body. Beaches and tank tops and sunglasses (even though I can't wear those) and shorts and driving with the windows down and breeze flowing through. Plus, I'm lookin' mighty pale for a brown girl...it'll be nice to get a little bit o' colour back on me.
There's always a light where the shadows fall, at least.
What's in store for your month?